mia

New Layout For The Old Blog

2009-03-08T11:00:00.004+08:00

I gave up on trying to figure out what's wrong with the codes of my previous chosen layout. Instead, I've decided to change the whole thing: edit from scratch. I think this layout is perfect.

Most of my entries here were really... gloomy. (From June 2006) I would've abandoned this blog just to forget the pain from heartache. (Though my melancholia is not always about heartaches.) But then again, a part of me wanted to remember. I told myself, "One day you'll want to look back. When most of that crappy feeling is gone, you'll want to remember just how dramatic and poetic you were." Yup, being brokenhearted (<- that sounds funny to me right now but trust me, it definitely wasn't funny back then) makes you poetic. Just think of Edgar Allan Poe.

I've taken the liberty of taking off some errr ~~stupidimmature~~entries that I didn't like much. I'm sort of into "cleaning" at the moment. I'm erasing stupid stuff from my past. (Yes, it wasn't stupid to me back then, but now it is.)

I'm glad through the years of suffering, I finally grew stronger and more mature. My perspective in life, to others, and to myself changed a lot. It surprised me how much I've changed (both in the optimism and pessimism) but then again, it is inevitable. I know I'll have more heartaches in the future (though God forbid I'll be in the suicidal stage) but the entries here are special. All the firsts are special after all, if you know what I mean. *sigh* If only I would be someone's first and last... gah! There goes the old drama. (Haha) So now I'm sort of looking back... without going back.

Here is my my new blog that I sorta neglect because of my plurk. Plurking is addicting, I'm tellin' ya! LOL Anyway!

And so... if you, dear reader, are curious of my past depressing thoughts and memories or perhaps you are also brokenhearted at the moment and needed something to relate to, or maybe you're just a sado-masochist, then enjoy reading.

new blog- underconstruction

2008-03-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

I'm making a new blog layout right now. Hopefully I'll figure out all the html that I'm trying to patch up. XP I've been editing none-stop since I figured out how the layout will go. I just hope I'll get it done before I get away. I still have to choose the pictures I'm going to include (whether it's my own pictures or I'll look for some on the web) and then edit it. *sigh* If only some layout designer would teach me, then I'll probably be done in a day. Anyone there to tutor me?

Haha.
I'm so excited how it will turn out.

update

2008-02-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. It's been ages since I posted something and there's like a lot of events going on that I should blog about coz it's this site's purpose, right? I'm very sorry I've been too lazy to blog about anything. Editing pics then putting it in photobucket and then editing the layout here is kinda unappealing to me these past months so.. Hehe-- but I've come to my senses again! I might update this next few days when I take a break from reviewing for my midterms. =) So smell you geeks later. lolz

I dreamt that I was dreaming of you

2007-10-31T19:05:00.000+08:00

I was feeling lonely and weak
And with nothing much to do
I decided to sleep
In my dream I also slept
And was woken up
By the sound of voices
The voices were downstairs
It surprised me so
I got out of bed and walked to the doorway
I listened carefully and found out
It was of you and of my best friend's
I felt it was only a dream
So I returned to bed
I lay down and covered my eyes
Determined to think i was only dreaming
Then I heared your playful laughter
You were suddenly in my room
And your hands gently grabbed my wrists
Despite this I still covered my eyes
Thinking my mind only plays tricks on me
Then you lay beside me
I could feel the warmth of your body next to me
It felt so real
And then I woke up
I opened my eyes
Trying to search for you
I scanned my room
And you're nowhere to be seen
My chest felt heavy
And then I woke up again
In reality this time
I sat up straight
I tried to grasp what just happened
Out of the blue
I started crying
Silent tears became soft sobs
Sobs of pain and longingness
A thought suddenly crossed my mind
It must have been a stupid sight
A girl alone in her room
In the birth of the night
Crying because of a dream in her dream
Crying for the person she truly loves
Crying because of the agony she felt
And yet with all these things happening to her
The pain she felt everyday
Eating her inside out
Aren't really important
For nothing could be done about it
Just for her to be strong
And ask God for His embrace

killer kidney condition

2007-09-25T16:03:00.000+08:00

Today I went to Bautista Hospital for my blood test and ultrasound for the kidney. I have yet to know of the result of the blood test. I knew of the result of the ultrasound check right after it was performed. The radiologist, a nice lady, told me that my left kidney is swollen and that it's in bad shape because it is clogged somehow (the reason is not yet known) and bacteria greatly accumulated in it.

As it turned out, I really am in grave danger after all.

[more details later]

I fear for my body. I fear for my life.

deceased Lolo Sixto

2007-09-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

My grandfather on my father side passed away last September 1. I've just found out about it recently through my cousin. Though we only got to spend little amount of time with each other (from what I recall, only a few times in my life), he'd been a nice man. He treated me kindly and sent me gifts on special occasions. Too bad he resides oh-so-far-away or else I'd visit him from time to time. Please pray for his soul. May you rest in peace, Grandpa.

I won't forget you. After all, we share the same birth day.

Gaara: Innocence and then Hatred

2007-09-01T21:02:00.000+08:00

[the script from the subtitle]
young Gaara: *tries to stab his hand with a knife but the sand protects him* It's no use... the sand interferes.
Yashamaru: *enters the room* Gaara-sama.
young Gaara: Yashamaru.
Yashamaru: I was ordered by Kazekage-sama to be your caretaker. I am to keep an eye on your health and protect you. Please don't do such a thing in front of me. But then again the sand will protect you.
Yashamaru: Yashamaru, I'm sorry. (pertaining to the wounds made by the sand when Y stopped the attack)

Yashamaru: Oh this? It's just a scratch.
young Gaara: Do wounds hurt?
Yashamaru: Just a little. It will heal quickly though.
young Gaara: Ne, Yashamaru...
Yashamaru: Yes?
young Gaara: What does pain feel like? I've never been hurt before so I was wondering how it felt...]

Yashamaru looks at Gaara in a somewhat confused and pitiful way.. or is it simply because he's having a hard time thinking of an explanation?
Yashamaru: How should I explain this..? It's painful and unbearable.. Like, when a person is shot or cut, he becomes very ill at ease and he can't think normally. I can't explain it well, but simply put, it's not a very good condition to be in.

Gaara tries to understand what Yashamaru tries to explain to him and feels bad for his injuries.
young Gaara: Yashamaru.
Yashamaru: Yes?
young Gaara: Then, do you hate me?

Gaara asks Yashamaru if he hated him (because of the pain/wounds inflicted by the sand attack earlier or because of his whole being?).
Yashamaru: People hurt each other and get hurt during their lifetimes but it is difficult to hate one another.
young Gaara: Thanks, Yashamaru. I think I understand what hurting is, now.

Yashamaru: Really?
young Gaara: Maybe I'm injured too, like everyone else. I always hurt here. *grabs his shirt near his heart/chest* I'm not bleeding but my chest really hurts here.

Yashamaru staring at Gaara pitifully.
Yashamaru: *takes Gaara's knife and cuts his index finger slightly*
young Gaara: *gasps as blood drips from the open wound*
Yashamaru: Flesh wounds bleed and they may seem painful but as time goes by, the pain eventually disappears. And if you use medicine, the wounds will heal even faster. But the tricky wounds are the ones in your heart. Those are difficult to heal.
young Gaara: A wound of the heart?
Yashamaru: A wound of the heart is different from a flesh wound. Unlike a flesh wound, there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal.
young Gaara: *grabs his shirt near his heart/chest again*
Yashamaru: But there is one thing that can heal a wound of the heart. It is a troublesome medicine and you can only receive it from another person.
young Gaara: What is it? How can I heal this..?
Yashamaru: The thing that can heal a wound of the heart is... love.
young Gaara: ..Love?
Yashamaru: Yes.
young Gaara: How can I get that? What should I do to get rid of this pain..?

Gaara asking Yashamaru how to "get" love. -- so innocent (the cuteness is intoxicating me)
Yashamaru: Gaara-sama, you have already received it. Love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you. It is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my sister. I believe that my sister always loved you, Gaara-sama. The Shukaku of the Sand is a living soul that is usually used for combat purposes. The sand automatically protects you because of you mother's love. I believe that the will of your mother is inside the sand. My sister probably wanted to protect you, even after her death.
young Gaara: Yashamaru.
Yashamaru: Yes?
young Gaara: Thanks back there... for stopping me.
Yashamaru: *puts his wounded finger in his mouth to suck the blood* My pleasure. You are a person who is important and close to me after all, Gaara-sama.
young Gaara: *takes Yashamaru's wounded finger and puts it in his mouth*
Yashamaru: *thinks: Can you feel my pain?*
young Gaara: *thinks: It tastes like metal*

+:+:+:+:+
What's the deal with that Yashamaru guy? I mean, he looked sincerely concerned of his nephew when they were talking in the room and then he attacked Gaara! He said it was ordered to him by Kazekage but he did say that he hated Gaara with all his heart (so it was "his pleasure to do it".) WTF?! He looked solemn while saying that and other bullsh*t. (The symbolic meaning of the sand protecting Gaara because of his mother's love was a great story too. I wonder why he even said that earlier when it's a lie.) I don't get it. If he was lying to Gaara that whole time then he did a great job. He looked very loving, really. What great acting.

But.. if he didn't mean to say those things then why did he? Was he challenging Gaara to be strong so that he'll begin to hate to survive and thus live up to his name? That's pretty foolish though coz he must think that if that'll happen, then Gaara will lose compassion-- something that makes a human humane.

Aargh! Either way, no matter how I see it, no matter what his reasons were, Yashamaru is still a liar. I dislike him for saying those hurtful words. Why can't he just die without telling Gaara about the cursed name, about his mom, and about his hatred for him? (That way Gaara might still try to find love and be hopeful even if all people shun him.) And he's a hypocrite-- preaching about love while having that expression then revealed that he hated Gaara. He's his nephew! Besides, if things weren't done the way they were (using Gaara's mom as sacrifice) then all of them would've been dead! Aargh!

I've been watching Naruto from the start since there's a lot I missed years ago. (Marathon desu!) While waiting for crunchyroll to load the video, I'm doing the Gen. Psy take home quizzes (there are 6). I do sneak sometimes and watch some scenes. It was then episode 77 caught my attention.

It's about Gaara's story.

It's damn tragic, I tell you. It's about as tragic or more than Naruto's, Sasuke's, Hiei's (Yu Yu Hakusho), Kyo's (Fruits Basket), etc. The others either experienced being loved or had friends and family to support them, random people to act kindly towards them or even loyal and respectable allies. But Gaara doesn't have those.

"I'm alone."

He was hated, feared for and decieved. The name given to him meant that he'll live loving only himself (being loved only by himself) and fighting only for himself to acknowledge his existence.

The fact that he looked damn cute and innocent when he was small totally breaks my heart.

If I was in his state (and living in that dreadful country), I'd probably end up like him too or maybe even lose my mind. (He was young after all.) Nevertheless, he does have a point when he decided to live up to his name. If no one loves you then just love yourself? (It'd be cruel and unfair not to do so.) No one can love yourself more than you after all. Besides, what could he do anyway? It's not like he could commit suicide. He already tried that.

So it makes me curious: Is there a deeper symbolic meaning about the whole sand-protects-him idea? Or am I just reading too much into it?

*sigh* Anyways, I guess I have to take account of the society and environment he's in. I mean, to those I compared he's situation tom (aside from the characs in Naruto), their lifestyles are really different. (i.e. Hiei's from Makai [Demon World] and Kyo's living in the present era of Human World.) Socially, politically, and environmentally different, ne?

So why do I even bother to compare them? What do I see that they have in common?

They all experienced hate and/or being hated. Being shunned and transforming into deviants and/or outcasts deals with psychology. I simply can't resist being attracted to that concept even years before I'm taking up this course. (Partly, maybe coz I was somewhat like that too in the past.. or even up to now in some cases.) Times like these make me feel more sure of my decision into studying it. Perhaps in the future I might write something good that could also pinch people's heart, trigger their minds and shake their emotions. Yes, that would be cool. =)

I'm loving Naruto right now. The characters are great.

The worst feelings a person can experience are:
*being unloved
*feeling useless
*being unacknowledged
*loneliness

Says who? Says me.

Turn your sadness into kindness
Your uniqueness into strength
It's OK to get lost in the process, so start walking
Once again

Do you like to be praised by
Answering to people's expectations?
Do you always have a wonderful smile
Even if you must sacrifice what you really want to do?

I wake up after seeing only the beginning of my dream
But I will grasp what happens after that with my hands

Yes, the most important things
Are always the ones with no form
Even if you obtain it or lose it
You do not notice

So turn you sadness into kindness
Turn your uniqueness into strength
It's OK to get lost in the process, so start walking
Once again
~Kanashimi Wo Yasashisa Ni; Little By Little(Naruto 3rd op)

kodoku na

2007-08-25T22:26:00.000+08:00

I am lonely.

Death Note review

2007-08-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

I've watched Death Note since I got my birthday gift from Kuya Norman and have been more addicted to it since then. (I was addicted to it even before I watched it. Really, I was so excited that I already researched a lot about it and I kept thinking about it and I couldn't sleep at night.. and and-) I loved the plot and the characters so much since the concepts are deep and interesting. I like manga~s/anime~s like that. Those types are the ones I'm looking for. I'd recommend it to everybody but the fact that it's R18 kinda diminishes my noble intention. (It's R18 because of the concepts within the plot. i.e. death, morality, judgment, etc. I'll explain later.) Fortunately since I am now 19 and my peers are around my age, I still could. But I'm not here right not to plug about Death Note.. or at least not yet. =)

I'm here to give my very first manga/anime review blog entry! I know, I know. I said before that Yu Yu Hakusho would be the first I'd review about since it's my all-time top-of-the-list favorite ever.. but since it never happened (mostly due to schoolwork which led to- "Oh gosh,I forgot about it! Again!" routine) and right now I'm fangirl~ing Death Note, it seemed to be a good opportunity to do this first. I mean, it's not like I won't do one for YYH later. Rest assured, I will. Same goes for Fruits Basket and Trigun coz they're also such great works.

I'll post my review later when I'm done with it. Pray that the above mentioned routine won't happen again. Ta-ta for now people.

Illegal to deceive a woman's heart

2007-08-08T16:09:00.000+08:00

Such a beautiful song.

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong? [apparently none]
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
~Illegal; Shakira

Aside from my wounds, I know now my importance to some of my so-called "friends".

my 19th bday

2007-08-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened on this day though (other than Death Note! and cake!), I must say I was oddly cheerful. It was odd because the previous days I was sad and moody.. basically in a unenthusiastic state. But came this day and viola! Dunno what happened. Maybe I was feeling the "It's A Single Day In A Year To Feel Special So Might As Well Do" mood. *shrugs* So now I'm here typing [081607], wanting to give my shout-outs to those who greeted me in various ways.

I give my thanks to...

God, for still letting me live this long with guidance and blessings.
my mother, for bringing me to this world (she tries so hard to keep me alive-- if you know what I mean) and being so great beyond words.
my friends.. those who are thoughtful enough to greet me.. (really, just a simple greeting makes me so happy)
sis Chamie, for being the first one to greet me via text on my birthday (it was a little past midnight) and spending time with me that night
Drix, like what sis Chamie did.
Marie, for surprising me via call! So nice to keep in touch with you.
Kuya Norman, for finally giving me the Death Note dvd. (L-samaaa!)
Charmie, Gerome, Kuya Raylord, Maan and Raymond, for greeting me via text.
Bona, for greeting me 3 times via text! Hehe..
Sir Janabajab, Kuya Raylord, Yong, and Gerome for greeting me via friendster message.
Bebey, Cyrl, Sarah, and Jareer for greeting me via friendster comments.
Jareer, for greeting me via phone call.
Marie, Jaja, Teth, and Diane, for greeting me via friendster comments days too early!
Ate Peny, Wella, Ate Joan, Tania, Jenny, and Wowie, for the verbal greetings.
my Lia2Psy friends (namely May, Ellen, Kuya Norman, Ate Jonah, Ate Sheryl, Jaja and Gladys), for spending the afternoon with me.
Ronald, Rey, Andrew, Gladys and Jeffy, for the late greetings (kahit medyo tampo ako, for me, greetings are greetings no matter how late they are.. Hindi ako ganoong maarte noh).
Tita~s, cousin, and their family, for their greetings via cards.

If I left anyone out, please let me know. You guys deserve a 'thank you' from me. =)

What I have learned:
Sooner or later you'll know who your true friends are and how important you are to them.
It doesn't matter if they're not thoughtful... Coz if you're really THAT important, they'll remember days before.
It's not an excuse to say that there'd be no contact, they could ask someone else to greet or at least find a way possible enough.
Lastly, it doesn't matter if they couldn't greet on the exact date, they can always apologize and greet later.

I hold special meanings to birthdays.. even though I kept saying that I don't care about my own birthday. In truth, I'd like to know who cares enough to make me feel that I'm special that they would celebrate my birthday with me despite my constant replies of "I don't really care about that day." Hmm.. and I say that half-heartedly.. so you could deduce that there's a part of me that's sad because the people I love couldn't be with me on this day, thus, that statement is half true. Besides, I won't gain anything from sulking in the corner and be like emo, ya know? I'm happy enough that some people climbed the wall I put up. Thanks guys.

Btw, when I said, "Now I know how important I am to you" (pertaining to those who forgot or not made any contact), I'm not implying that I won't care about you anymore and disregard you as my friends. I only meant to say it as I would a fact or a declaration. I wouldn't want to be those kind of people who say, "If you don't like me, then I don't like you either." It sounds like the bullshit my tito once said in the presence of me. I, for one, would definitely not follow his shoes and neither should others. But then again, who am I to command your actions? But really, would you want to sound like an ass?

So in any event, from now on, I won't be as gullible as to think that my "friends" actually view me as their "friend" in a deep way. From now on, I'll just think, "It's a one-sided thing. I value you more than you value me. That's the way it is and there's nothing I can do about it." If anyone wishes to defy this, then prove it. Otherwise, I'll go on with my life, simply scoffing and say, "Some people tend to be shallow. That's their choice. Whatever."

Oh yeah and before I go... I actually like being 19 now. It sounds... teen-like and adult-like at the same time. Oh no.. I think I could hear a Britney Spears song in the background. Hehe..

Eco-Tour

2007-08-04T12:58:00.000+08:00

Sponsoring Unit : social and natural sciences department
Title of activity: eco-tour
Nature of activity: outbound educational trip
Date of activity: aug 3 2007
Time of activity: 5am - 7pm
Venue: seven lakes; san pablo laguna city
Staff in charge: faculty of science and natural sciences with the UP outbound educators

It was such a funny event for me. The start of the day itself was very unlikely. I was really excited so by the time I fell asleep, it was probably around 1am and I'm supposed to wake up around 3am coz we should be in school at 5am. (They said the bus will leave around 5:30am.) I set two alarms on my mobile phone. One on 3am and the other on 3:30am. The funny thing was.. I didn't wake up that time! I must be so asleep that I didn't hear it!

And so I woke up near 6am.

Such disaster, ne?

I was having a rather strange dream. There was a phone ringing but I can't find it. It was also like I couldn't reach it or something so I ignored it. Then slowly I woke up. I thought I was still dreaming. There was the phone ringing. At first I thought, 'I still wanna sleep. I'm not gonna answer the phone. Who'd call this time anyway?'

Just then, with my eyes slightly opening, I saw the bright light coming from my windows. The first thought that came to me was: "I'm doomed."

I rushed downstairs, silently pleading that whoever was calling wouldn't hang-up, and all the while thinking, "What time is it? It's probably around 9am. Sh*t! I screwed up big time! Goodbye P800! Sayang!" I seriously imagined the P800 with wings and flying away from me, as if mocking me of my insomia.

When I picked up the phone, that's the time the caller hanged-up. Buti na lang hawak ko mobile phone ko. Kuya Norman called there. In a somewhat amused voice, he said, "Mia where are you? Are you ready? We're about to go!"

"About to go? What time is it? I over-slept! OMG!"

"Well you might still make it! C'mon, get ready!" he said while laughing. In the background, my friends and classmates were asking what happened to me. "You're the only one we're waiting for! The bus might leave any minute now!"

Thoughts rushed to me:
God, did You just helped me?
I'm the only one they're waiting for? (Probably not true.) That would seem like I'm pa-VIP! (Nuuuu!)
But wait, I'm given another chance!
I must not screw this up!

I quickly washed my face, changed into my clothes, powdered my face, and combed my hair. I just grabbed my backpack and ran downstairs to get my other bag. (Later I found out that I left my lunch somewhere in the kitchen!). I came outside, rushing like there's no tomorrow. The tricycle driver that I caught over-charged me! Damn! But I was too desperate to argue.

I caught up.

Thank goodness I made it.

As I sat there.. and honestly up until now (I'm typing 080907), I still couldn't believe I made it. XD

The Eco-tour was fun and tiring at the same time. We did some trekking, some hiking, we swam on a lake (my first time), amongst other things. It was fun for me I guess, since it's my first time to experience these things.

I'm so thankful I got to come. Seriously. XD Close call, ne? Saved by the bell.. or in this case.. the ringing of the phone.

Psy Induction of Officers& Acquaintance Party 2007

2007-08-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

Happy New Month!

Hey guys, it's been a while and a lot happened since my last entry last July. I'm gonna make it on "list mode" so that I won't have to type long details seeing as I do not have much time here since there are moments when my broadband do not cooperate. Here are some, I'll add the others later if I remembered anything I forgot to list down.

June 23 - elected PE president
June 24 - bought glasses by Nicole Miller; uber chic (pic later)
June 27 - got globe broadband
July ?? - elected 2ndyr class representative
July 25-27 - prelim exams
July 27 - Ellen, May,and I watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at SM right after our exam on Physical Science.

Induction in the auditorium.

Acquaintance Party at McDonald's.

Gladys' debut party

2007-07-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

After our prelim exams on P.E., I went straight home to wait for May and Kuya Norman's NSTP class to end (which is around 3pm). After getting their text message, we met up in front of the school then informed Gladys that we're on our way.

This is a cute shot. Too bad there was a little girl in front of us and it annoyed me coz.. coz.. it was such a cute shot! I would've made it my wallpaper. *pouts* Oh well. I look like twelve here.. but my height defied it haha. (I recently found out that I'm only 5'3". Damn, I wanted to be 5'4" or so. Oh well. Whatever haha..)

This one was Jaja's idea. ^.^ Such a cute facial expression! XD (As you can see, Wella and May didn't participate in it though.)

This was Ate Peny and Kuya Norman's idea. "Pretend to look at something above!" We all have different expressions here. I'll make some caption.
[from left to right]
Wella: Hmm.. ano kaya un?
Jaja: Ayun oh!
me: Umm.. guys, what's that?
Ate Peny: Look above!
Kuya Norman: Ah! There's something in the sky!

We all have nice smiles here. Muka kaming mga nene haha!

Someone that an odd idea of taking a pic with our back to the camera. I forgot who it was. Funny.. so this is how our backs look like all along! XD

It was a nice party. There were a lot of people. I was curious of this food.. It's rice with curious ingredients in it. It tasted like curry but it was green. I forgot what it was called but it was nice. The Bicol Express her mom made was really good but it was too hot for me so I refrained from getting too much.

Happy debut, Gladys. I hope you like the Bear Cuddler Ellen, May, and I gave you. =)

2007-07-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

Life Is Like A Boat reminds me more of Gokusen than Bleach. Odd haha... I really like this song:

Nobody knows who I really am(?)
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am(?)
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me and keep me strong(?)

hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you and keep you strong

tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars and soon
I can see the shore

Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne

~Life Is Like A Boat; Rie Fu (Bleach op)

There are times when we feel that we're alone. There are times when we lose our way [to the right path]. These are the times when God wants us to realize the importance of friendship, love, and self-actualization. These are the times when we need our family and friends. Don't shove them away. They are with you... even if you feel like you're physically alone, they are there in your heart. Just find the light inside you.

Lastly, if you can't find courage and comfort within yourself... maybe it's time to channel it from others. The ones who love you will give you just that... and maybe more.

My dreams make me sentimental. I can't wait to be a Psychology major Junior.

doing report on educ psy

2007-06-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

We're doing our individual 10-paged written report for our group report in Educational Psychology. These were taken after our P.E. class.

May is reading photocopies from the books in our library.

May and Ellen determined and concentrating.

..and of course there are funny moments.. =)

Our report's on Research in Educational Psychology (including the Types of Research and the Methods.) Hope we can finish this early. We're so deperate that we decided that May and Ellen would sleep over just to finish the written report since I'm the one who has a PC and that we won't be able to concentrate or finish much if they're on their place. We might report the next week.
"Aja! Fighting!"

pics on updates

2007-06-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

I finally got sis Chamie to cam-whore with me. It just had to happen before she goes back home!

:+:+:+:+:+:

I want you guys to meet Won-won! I saw him sitting lonesome at one of the store racks together with other adorable stuffed animals and I just had to get him. He was supposed to be a gift to my friend whose birthday is coming up but when we shared a moment together while raining, I became sentimental about it. (I started talking to him! haha..) So I decided to keep him. ^^

Don't ask about the name. The only details I'm gonna five is that.. it's the name that popped up on my mind while I was talking to him. But then again.. hmm go figure.

A picture together!

:+:+:+:+:+:

One afternoon (a week later) I was wandering around National Bookstore with May (we decided to buy the books required for our major subjects), I say this coffee thermos (is it the right term?) amongst the greeting cards section! Since it's pink, it caught my eye! (My radar's working overtime haha..) The designs were feminine that I couldn't help myself.. although I did ask myself and May like 20 times if I would buy it or not.. but in the end.. well- there yah go! I kept imagining myself walking on the semi-crowded streets of NYC while holding it, looking all working-girl-like. =D

I named it Sally. What's up with me naming inanimate objects lately?

I enjoy holding it. =)

I'd Still Say Yes

2007-06-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

I love you most
When we share a phase
Of special good times together
It seems like our love can't get much better
(No....)

Coz we were as close as two could be
I knew love could last forever
We're more than just lovers
We're good friends

And even if our love could drift away
I wouldn't even think twice
If I wanted love back again

Because I'd still say yes to you again
My Darlin' for you, I do it all again
Yes, I'd still say yes to you again
Darlin' for you, I do it over and over again
(Say yes..oh-oh)

Where does it go
How does it end
True love it seems so easy
'Coz we have no doubts
Where we belong

They say time can heal a broken heart
And true love never ends
So why not start where we begin

~I'd Still Say Yes; Klymaxx, Freestyle

It's been exactly a year now. My heart is still bleeding and yearning.. but compared to a few months ago, I feel better. I'm not so depressed anymore. But that doesn't change the fact that I still love him parang dati.. or even more. Maybe I'll never stop loving him.. in one form or another.

When I fall in love... It would be forever.

Let's wait and see. The future is a mystery. Pray for me.

the heartbreak & similarity with HYD

2007-06-05T20:14:00.000+08:00

"Maybe cupid should shoot himself with his own damn arrow so he can feel how much love hurts."

It's been days since sis Chamie stayed-over. We hanged-out and watched the whole Hana Yori Dango series [marathon every night] on dvd, in the process of momentarily distracting herself from bad thoughts of her present predicament. By the way, she also caught a bit of my Matsu Jun and Oguri Shun fever. (What can I say? I "contaminate" people easily!)

It's been days since she's depressed. It was not something simple that one could easily dismiss for a week or a month. Her problem is that serious. I have no intention of putting her and her bf's story here on my blog. I'd just like you guys to know that she's kind of "ok" for the meantime and that hopefully you would give her support, as friends do. Being her best friend, it's hard for me to see her like this and I can only imagine how much she feels.

(Ok, for clues.. think of Domyouji, Tsukushi, Shigeru, and their dilemma minus the company problem, the cruel mother, and the Tsukushi-Shigeru friendship. There's really a similarity but it's not exactly like that. So that would mean.. I'd be playing the role of Yuki.. un nga lang there's no Soujiro and I'm kinda thankful for that. Wouldn't want to get involved with a playboy, ne? (Even if he's as good-looking as Matsuda Shota with that suave personality I like.)

*sigh* If you know of her situation and their stories, you really wouldn't think it would end that way.

So there ya go. I've been listening to her stories, her thoughts on the matter, her what-ifs.. It somehow reminds me of the pain I felt when I was the one uber-depressed. I know our situation's so different but you know how it's like to empathize. You recall stuff. *sigh* I've been distracting/cheering her up and I've also "left" her alone sometimes when it seems like she needs to "talk" to herself. She told me that for now she's good but maybe only because I'm with her and hanging-out with me helps her mind wander away from him. Not totally of course, but she'd think of him less than usual when she's depressed. I wonder how she'll handle herself when she goes back to her place where she'll most probably lock herself up in her room and contemplate.

School's gonna start next week and I hope that even though we are far apart, we have our own things going on, and we wouldn't frequently be with her, let's take the time every once in a while to check up on her, ok guys?

camera still working, edited pic/icon

2007-06-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

I was so surprised to find out that my camera's working! Sis Chamie offered to recharge the battery through her Nokia mobile, since it fits perfectly, and voila! It recharged and it actually worked! I thought my camera's broken or something coz I thought there's still some charge left on the battery. As it turned out, there's none left and so I couldn't use it. (duh) It's been sooo long since I cam-whored and so.. I did it today! XD

I like this pic the best. It looks better on its original size.. bigger than this.

I also made an icon for this blog. *shrugs* I was bored! Hehe..

I cut an eye from one of my pics and edited it. =) I'm still trying to decide if I'm gonna put it up on friendster as my primary photo.

I gotta urge sis Chamie to "cam-whore" with me the next time. Hopefully her enthusiasm level will be enough for this.. soon.

Oh yeah.. and I realized that I didn't get to do all the plans (I have posted here) for this summer:
* learn how to cook simple dishes (I was preoccupied with just eating haha
* learn how to drive (sa Sem break na lang kasi di natuloy eh)
* learn how to ride a bike (I did this.. for only a day.. I forgot about it after that hehe)
* fatten up (ugh.. I've been trying all my life.. maybe I did gain some weight at the beginning but I got sick, remember? sick, insomniac, and other stuff.. damn)
* go somewhere far (well, I did went to DFA.. I've never been there before)
* visit colleges (maybe next vacation hehe)

But I did had some awesome brain-relaxing moments. =) I'm looking forward na agad sa next year's summer vacation. Hopefully it'll be better. (I'll make sure I won't get sick or depressed.. sana..)

don't forget about us...

2007-05-23T21:22:00.000+08:00

(Don't forget about us)
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
My baby boy...

Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it(?)
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your ~~first~~ true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

Oh they say
~~That you're in a new relationship~~
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both(?) can't forget it
How good we used to get it

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

And if she's(?) got your head all messed up now
That's the trickery
So why you act like you don't know how this lovin' used to be?
I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC*

Baby don't you, don't you forget about us

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us.

~Don't Forger About Us; Mariah Carey

:+:+:+:

*I know MC stands for Mariah Carey and it's cool that my first names' intials are MC too haha.. so it kinda fits. I like this song.

Fight-o! Oh!

2007-05-20T11:47:00.000+08:00

I finished watching Gokusen1 J-dorama a few days ago. [marathon!] It's funny how the serious moments really got to me. Yes, I did cry on some occasions. XD I was struck by Yankumi's strong dedication and her principles. You rarely get to meet teachers like her nowadays. Perhaps that's what the manga/anime/jdrama wants us to realize.. that teachers are people to look up to (the ones that deserve to be called one) even though sometimes they may seem like a pain.. that our parents love us and are proud of us no matter what we do.. that friends must stick together through hard times and the good.. that trust can go a along way, even with delinquents.. that it's our decision which makes us who we are (not our bloodline.. hey, sounds Dumbledore-ish).. and that fights are quite honorable in some angle.

Yankumi with her students and the two detectives.

The lessons and principles she share with her students, coupled with patience and strong dedication to them, and her devotion to teaching, sets her apart from other teachers. The fact that she can relate to them (coz of her Yakuza heritage) helps too. I'd like to point out another thing about her: age. It's another factor. I mean, maybe it's also because she's young and a newbie at teaching that made her associate with students quite loosely er.. rather passionately than other older teachers (with much experience and so to say.. erm.. have been fed up with most of their student's crappy attitudes..). But then again, you don't have to be young and a novice to be like Yankumi as a teacher, ne? It's in the heart! ..though you gotta admit, adults get frustrated easily by those kinds of anthics.. =P

The teachers and Yankumi's men.

One thing's for sure, Kumiko Yamaguchi is officially now on my List of Female Characters To Look Up To, along with Honda Tohru (of Fruits Basket), Yukimura Keiko (of Yu Yu Hakusho) and others. "Fight-o! Oh!" ^^

I'd like to give credit to 3-D The Gokusen fanlisting site for the pics I put up above. If you're a fan, go join now! Hala hehe..

One last thing: Matsumoto Jun's hair in the series really suits him. He looks cool with long-ish hair length. ^^

the encounter with McDo

2007-05-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

Here's a pic of Ate Jonah, McDo, and I a few days ago taken by Kuya Norman on A.Jonah's N70.

Why does my bangs have to look horrible in that last second? -_-' (Not to mention the lighting was dark. How unfortunate.)

After Kuya Norman and I enroled and met up with Ate Jonah, we decided to chill at McDonald's. We were teasing K.Norman about Shrek coz he's wearing green a shirt when he looked at something behind us and nonchalantly said, "Oh.. It's McDo."

With confused look on our faces, A.Jonah and I spun around from our seats to face a yellow and red creature with a biiig head walking towards us! My heart skipped a beat and my chest tightened. I got to recover from the shock a few seconds later when the mascot was beside our table, waving and doing some mime-like gestures. K. Norman has an amused look on his face while A.Jonah just smiles.

When the McDo Mascot roamed around, away from us, A.Jonah and I exchanged our brief shocked-moment-story. Apparently, she didn't get to react so soundly coz, like me, she too were surprised. I mean.. dear readers, how would you feel when a friend of yours will tell you a fast-food icon is behind you and when for a second you don't believe him, you'll turn around only to face the said mascot, tall with a biiig head and a plastered wide smile heading towards you, all along your brain saying "It's true after all!" in under a few seconds?!?!

Hey, my chest did tightened. It felt horrible.

Where did the mascot came from? Well, we learned there was a children's party upstairs and for whatever reason McDonald and the crew had thought of, "he" decided to come down to our floor and shocked- I mean, amused us and the rest of the customers who were eating there peacefully. =D I got in on video on my mobile phone.

the cause of cold, lovin' lugaw & coffee

2007-05-03T16:31:00.000+08:00

It's been approximately three days since I had the cold/flu. It's kinda funny how I was half-expecting that I would wind up sick this week or the next. I had that thought two weeks before. It was some kind of a 'test-thought'. Since it's been so hot lately and my room usually resembles a sauna in mid-morning and early afternoon, you could very well imagine how I would look and what I would crave. (sweating = wanting to refresh = air condition/electric fan = sweat will disappear temporarily = allergy attack/cold/pneumonia after continuous cycle)

I hate sweating. Sweat is good if you're doing sports or working out. It would mean your body's reacting from strenuous activities and the like. Sweat is good when you're in a sauna. It would mean you're body's reacting to releasing your toxins and et cetera. But sweating just because you changed your sleeping position is something on a whole different level of making me pissed. I mean, how would you feel if you'd want to sleep but then you're soaking in your own bed and the electric fan is producing hot air?

I would blame the smoke from siga and various bad gases some sprays produce. Don't people know it affect our ozone layer? Would they want their summer days to mean skin diseases and don't-you-dare-go-outside-and-expose-yourself-to-the-sun vacation? (UV rays!) It would totally ruin summer vacation! As a matter of fact, days ago I remember myself muttering about how I dislike summer now, despite the word 'vacation' after it, just because it's waaay hotter than usual and that my 'friends' still haven't decided on an outing spot!

For crying out loud, don't you guys wanna get together before the grueling 2nd year of college learning begins?

Anyway, back to me and my health condition. So I was thinking, 'I wonder how long until I come down with something?' And after almost two weeks, here we go! I finally came down with a cold. Who'd thought it would take me more than ten days for this! My resistance sure went up compared to when I was little. That makes me happy. =)

But happiness stopped there. x_x For three days now, my throat hurts and itches, my eyes are watery and sometimes itchy, my ears are 'popping', and I constantly cough and sniffle. Of course it's worse than my usual allergy attacks. Yesterday I slept around 3am just coz I drank 3 mugs of coffee (to soothe my throat), skipped dinner, and read a bunch of fanfictions. After sleeping for about two hours, I woke up past 5am, feeling more terrible. As the coughing and sneezing ensues, I stayed awake for a few hours and then drifted off to sleep again.

I woke up around lunch time and ate lugaw with some non-flavored Skyflakes. I also took my medicine then I read a bit of my old books and slept again. (See how the cycle goes?) I woke up in the afternoon, went downstairs and watched Bleach and Hana Yori Dango Jdrama.

Side note: It seems that the Japanese version portrayed Tsukasa and Rui's friendship tighter (than expected) than in the Meteor Garden series. I actually teared-up watching Tsukasa bid farewell to Rui. =O

Mental note: I knew I should've bought the HYD Jdrama dvd that day when I had the chance! Argh! Now I have to settle for dub on GMA. The voice acting is nice though; the two main characters' voices were played by my favorite Tagalog dubbers. What I'm worried about is.. Did GMA cut some scenes or not?

Back to my sickness.. So after that, I watched Gilmore Girls season 2 (for the fourth time I think) while non-stop eating lugaw, crackers and drinking chamomile tea. (I became very fond of lugaw.) When it got late, I went to my room, changed into my old sweater and checked emails and fanfictions. After a while, my throat started itching again so I gave in to making coffee. I drank coffee while reading then I felt sleepy and went to bed.

Ironic how sometimes coffee calms me. I makes me wanna get a coffeemaker. Damn, I should stop this coffee craze before I devote myself to it.. must resist..

*sigh* And now here I am, sniffling momentarily, hoping that I would never catch cold again (simply because I hate itchy throat, the coughing and the sneezing). Why did I expected this in the first place? I knew I would be getting it anyhow. =_= Nakakainis.. Ngayon pa namang gusto ko uminom ng coke kahit konti.. ung malamig.

One last thing, I've a question. Is the english of lugaw porridge? If not, what is it? Just curious.

Nga pla, special greetings: Happy bday to Tita Cruzie! Hehe.. I remembered. I greeted her last year so, I'm doing it again.. La lang.. I miss you na, pare.

Will You Ever Learn

2007-04-24T09:43:00.000+08:00

So what's the point in all of this
When you will never change?
The days have passed
The weather's changed
Should I be sorry?
Could I be sorry?

I did it all
All for you
Hoping you would see
Your eyes are dull
Your hands are clenched
Are we ready?
Are we ready?

But you
You think about yourself
Only 'bout yourself
But what about:
Un-lonely nights
Romantic moments
The love, the love
What about them?
Throw it all away

You know me well
You know it's wrong
Then what is it you feel?
You hide behind those perfect smiles
It won't fool me because you already did

But you think about yourself
Only bout yourself
But what about:
Un-lonely nights
Romantic moments
The love, the love
What about them?
Throw it all away
The perfect dates
The sweetest kisses
The love, the love
What about them?
Throw it all away

~Will You Ever Learn; Typecast

Di ako nakapunta sa performance ng Typecast sa Padis. Oh well.. I'll hope for next time.

broke, insomiac, etc

2007-04-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

First of all, I apologize for my previous entry. After a few days of having no internet connection, I kinda skimmed through it and yeah I know it does sound pathetic and depressive but I typed how I felt at the moment and hey, I can post whatever on my blog, right? *sigh* Don't worry guys, I'm kinda fine now. There's been no flood since so.. Heh.

(Though ya know what? If someone told me three years ago that I'll be that sad (in the future).. I'd probably just laugh about it. I mean, those melancholic entries are not like my usual self.. but recently it became my usual self.. and I miss being cheerful so.. I gotta break this lethal routine.)

Horrible news: I'm broke so there's no way I could get a new camera sooner or later this year since I'll have to save up for it. My mother disagreed with the whole installment thing the stores offer (okay, I do too) so that option's closed. Yeah, I can't cam-whore this year anymore. I'd just get some pics from my friends, whatever's available that include me on them.

Unless! Unless my grades will be great enough to get me into that scholarship.. That would be awesome. If ever.. I'll treat myself.

Oh yeah.. I'm officially insomiac and hating it. (No, I don't tend to think too much about certain stuff anymore.) I tried lots of remedies but to no avail.. My blame is on the hot weather.. it drives me nuts! Speaking of driving, I'll call Roadmaster later. I'll take driving lessons. Isn't that cool? =3 *Overdrive by Eraserheads plays in the background*

Peter, my computer, has a virus that makes a pop-up appear whenever I use Norton. I need a better anti-virus coz now it bugs me! My YM "broke" too so now I'll have to download again and maybe get another Chikka.

Btw, if I would get hamsters next month, there will be three instead of two. Three male hamsters. I have yet to give them future names. Feel free to suggest any cute ones. (I mean, you can't give a serious name for a hamster, right? That would just be odd, ne?)

One last thing: Would you consider taking up a course just coz you'd want to know more about a hobby of yours that won't necessary be something you'd make a career of in the future but will still make yourself proud just coz you'll be good at it and you'll like what you'll be doing? *sigh* I would love to take photography just coz I like taking pictures: candid, posed, and artsy ones.. preferably nature and architectures.. and maybe get offers from magazines.. or maybe I'll put my best pics on frames and hang it on my future house.. or like make postcards on some of them.. Okay, I'm babbling. I like pictures, I like movies, I like stories, I like art. I must decide a second course (in case I won't do masteral).. and take music lessons in the future. Damn, there's a lot I would want to be.

I bleed in reality and in my dreams

2007-04-09T13:42:00.000+08:00

warning: the following entry is angst.

I feel as if my future disappeared into a dark void. The words he spoke to me (via text) nearly shattered my senses. My chest became heavy with a realization.

He's really leaving.

I'm actually glad he told me. We don't even talk on text anymore. There was one time.. but he was too dry to strike whatever kind of conversation with me. There were times I'd like to text him para lang mangamusta but I do not want his reply to be from boredom or forced from respect.. or that he won't reply altogether. And so I waited na siya na lang ang mag-kusang mangamusta.. and he did.. last Good Friday. I'm glad he informed me. I'm glad he took the initiative to tell me. It might be nothing more than simple for him.. but for me, it's a lot to make me manage a smile and say, "At least we talked. Friendship is important to me too, if all else fails."

He's going to a place where he'll make his dream come true. He's going to a place millions of miles from where I am. The feeling of this is as if he's going to another planet where he won't be coming back anymore.

Though it's not really approved yet, I know he'll go after it. He's determined enough.

"Nothing is more painful than waiting for something that would never happen."

If I were given the power of decision, I wouldn't let him. As any human who would want to be at least a bit happy, I wouldn't let him. But then again, maybe I would have. Partially because I am not selfish and I do not intend to be as I do not want others to be selfish of me either. Partially because this is the reality that I have no say to stop him. Partially because I know it is hopeless to stop him. Partially because I know what is right. Partially because I do not want to stop him at all. I simply want to be with him but if that can't be then..

"You know I'd do anything to make you stay."

That's how much I love you.

And also because I love you (and I have no say in the matter since I know our situation), I would insist that you go. I would insist you to follow your dreams. I would insist no matter how much this takes the breath out of me. I would support you in any way I can.

He's really leaving.. and he's taking my heart with him without knowing.

I am really in a melancholic mood and whoever is reading this might criticize me for being.. I don't know.. maybe "overly dramatic".. but if you have experienced having a broken heart or being in this situation, I'm sure you've felt this way before.. You've thought like this before.. and so you could understand and refrain from frowning.

For two days I have not enough sleep. "When dreaming with a broken heart.. waking up is the hardest part." For two days I've been crying uncontrollably. Does it sound stupid? Does it sound stupid for a person to experience this type of insanity for someone she'd known for only less than three years? I know it sounds stupid, but there's a part in my heart that I know will always long for him. Even my subconcious tells me.

It's very rare for me to have two dreams in between a hour of being awake. (It is rare for me to fall asleep from being wide awake.) I slept probably around 2:30am and woke up around before 9am (as my alarm would ring). The whole time I dreamt about him. I vaguely remember what happened but I know that he was there. He's saying goodbye. He's leaving. In the dream I settled everything. I've told him my thoughts. I expressed how I feel. I know it would have been better if it was reality. That way I won't have too much trouble going through my courage to ask him if he and I could talk. In the past, he'd avoid me and the subject. I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable around me but then again, he said he does feel that way. I don't want to force him. I just want him to listen attentively in his own will to hear what I want to say. To give me the chance without making me feel scared, nervous and uncomfortable.

I woke up and my chest felt heavy. It was a mixture of slight happiness and too much sorrow. Happy that for minutes I am with him in my dream (I know I was dreaming) and too much sorrow for knowing that there ~~might~~would not be another chance that we will be together again.

The second dream was odd. The first dream was somewhat disregarded from this one. I was in a room with old-fashioned furnitures. I didn't really see them being old-fashioned. I felt them being that. The wooden cabinet I was facing before I heard a knock was proof enough. It's like I was at my grandmother's house but the room stated was my room.

A knock came and I forced myself to stand up and answer it. I felt so weak even in my dream. I was expecting to see Tita Cerna with a concerned expression in her face, asking me to eat a bit or plainly checking up on me (though I'm not suicidal.. yet maybe). Instead, I saw a guy. I didn't see him clearly or perhaps I didn't intend to fully look at him. What was odd was I said a friend's name out loud. The guy chuckled in reply and when I look up to look at him, fully intended this time, it was him. (But the name I uttered before was not who I saw.) I mean, it felt like it was him. Another thing that surprised me was a lady behind him. It was Tita Nhora. She giggled and said, "I'll leave you two to talk." She went away as I stepped outside the room. He and I walked to somewhere we could talk.

The guy before me was a man, actually. He looks old and when I had the opportunity to stare at him thoroughly, it was then I realized he does not look like R_____. The only part that says otherwise were his eyes. His eyes were something I know I'd never forget. It was how he looked at me that I felt my knees turn to jelly. He was the only one who made me feel that way.

"No. I must be mistaken. You're not R_____," I said, confusion solid in my voice. "You're not him. You don't look anything like him."

He smiled the smile I recognize. There was another presence in the room. It was a young girl. (No, she's not little. Just young, like teen-young.) Somehow another feeling swept over me. It rivaled my confusion. This girl, I thought. Could she be his..?

"You know who I am," his words interrupted my sad thoughts. "I know you do. You were right."

The confusion stayed and the feeling before when I saw the girl made me confirm that perhaps it was him. He was the only one who made jealousy crept in a small fiber of my being.

"But why are you here?" I asked though somehow I know the answer. He wants to say goodbye. It is painful and yet I want to hear him say it. It was for confirmation.

Unexpectedly, he pulled my arm and kissed me. The kiss was passionate. The kiss was like a bliss. The kiss made me forget of the girl. She simply vanished. The kiss was so familiar and it confirmed his identity. Yes, R_____.

When the kiss ended random questions filled my head.

Why do I dream of these when I know from my consciousness what is really happening?
Why must I dream of something so bittersweet that it's so hard to accept and yet in some way I crave for it if it is the only chance I get to be with him?
Why am I slowly losing sight of enthusiasm to live and welcome challenges?

And the most important one:
Why am I afraid to ask him if we could talk about these things that trouble me and ask him questions that have been going through my head?

I know the answer. It was always the answer: I am afraid.
Afraid of what?
Afraid that my pessimistic thoughts are right.

So this is my current situation. This all too familiar situation: The fear to hear the answers the would prove my miserable assumptions to be true, knowing that it will inflict great sadness on me-- that I would be scarred for life with it and that I might not recover at all if emotions will take over reasoning, and yet crave to confirm it to be true, for all confusion to be settled, for the result to take its effect.

Yes. Maybe I am afraid to succumb to insanity in the cause of depression.

Yes I am afraid, but what have I got to lose? For all I know, maybe I am slowly getting crazy.

Up until now, my head is clouded in misery. I wonder for how long I will be like this. I wonder if this will ever stop.

One thing is for sure: I will muster up the courage to tell him these things before it's too late. I wouldn't want to regret the chance for the rest of my life. (I also have a gift for him.. I made it myself. Well, it's not finished yet but I will finish it in time. It will be like a going-away present.) I'd want his friendship if nothing else.

I was with May yesterday at Robinsons Imus, trying to distract myself from feeling and looking miserable at home. I acted like my normal chipper self. That will be the situation outside. That will be the situation when I have other things to think about and other things to do to occupy my time. And all the while knowing everything is temporary. I could not escape this sorrow. I am afraid to live my life in sorrow. I do not want to be those people who live while feeling like dying and in some way feel like they would want to welcome death anyway. I do not want to live in fear of being left again. I do not want to live rejecting every possible case of falling in love again, in the hopes that I want him to catch me and no one else.

I am scared that these I-do-not-want~s will happen.. that I will make it happen.

"Hard to accept that the person I love the most can't be with me. I don't want to give up but I have to. I want to fight but the pain weakens me. How can I be truly happy when my own happiness has left me?"

I did not know love could drive this much pain to a person. If I had known, I'd probably stay away from men.. or develop a phobia so that I wouldn't really communicate with them at all.. to avoid the risk of attachment. But how could I resist fate? I don't know.

With this present dilemma, I must say: I need help.

Somebody save me
With your own hands break right through
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it just stay
Stay
Come one
I have been waiting for you
Stay with me
I made this whole world shine for you
Stay
Stay...

~Save Me; Remy Zero

What could ease this intense pain.. even just for a little bit?
Maybe if he'll tell me he loves me and promise me he will always love me no matter what, no matter how many years will pass, and that he'll come back eventually.. that I shouldn't doubt him.. that I should trust him.. that we'll be happy together in the future..

*chuckles dryly*

Yeah, as if.

I am probably going crazy. Maybe I should sleep again.

1st Day of Summer 07

2007-03-22T20:13:00.000+08:00

read the gif.. it's sad

Today is the first day of summer vacation 2007. Man, that sounds nice. After all the hell I've been through last year, finally I could be calm and not worry much about school for dayzzzz...! ~~(unless I'll take the advance classes.. which I might..)~~ I'll take this opportunity to pamper myself.. I need to be a little different when I go back to the halls in June.. For now..

Things I'm planning to do this summer:
* learn how to cook simple dishes
* learn how to drive
* learn how to ride a bike (maybe..)
* fatten up.. or at least gain 3 kilos
* go somewhere far.. preferably somewhere I've never been before
* visit colleges
* ~~take advance classes (undecided)~~

Ah yes.. Days of staying up late and not worrying of homework.. Going to the mall and not worrying of which day to go.. Waking up in who-cares-what-time.. Hanging out with friends coz you miss them.. The pleasures of summer vacation.. Wake me up, dear coffee!

I'm gonna make the most of this vacation.. except swimming. I just don't wanna.

Beaches nor pools.. The only down side so far I could think of is that Mom couldn't come to visit and I still have no camera. (My old one's charger is still missing and I gave up hope looking for it.) If only I could have a job..

Oh btw, I'm also planning on cutting my hair really short.. =O
Wait.. or maybe not.. Medyo nakakahinayang nga, noh?

a text message I received a few days ago:

People always think that the most painful thing is losing the one you love in your life. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that you are special too.

NSTP2: 2nd best group

2007-03-21T20:22:00.000+08:00

I got a text from Ate Peny earlier today as I was on my way to our last exam for the school year: ReEd. She informed me that our group is the 2nd best group! Now I know it's not much, but I was really glad. (We got [an] award[s]!) Even though we only had a few meetings, the experience was great. We're really gonna miss the kids of Brgy. 42. (We did Bible study there during Saturdays with the underpriviledged children.) Here are the pics taken during the meetings:

We're doing this game (Zig Zag Zoom) where we get to know of everyone's name in the process. I saved you the trouble of trying to find me so I encircled (purple!) myself. Okay, that sounds funny. "I encircled myself." LOL

Here we were singing Christian songs while doing hand gestures.. and other actions. I think it's understandable that I was the one in the white NSTP shirt on the right side.

Another pic of us singing.. different angle this time. Yes, the one on the right is me. (So that's how half of my back looks like haha..)

Here we're telling stories while holding up pictures/drawings that went along with it.

the one kneeling was I.. the one in the middle was.. er a classmate of Kuya Alan (dunno his name).. and the guy at the far right was Kuya Alan.. I volunteered to wash the dishes and other kitchen utensils coz no one wants to and I felt responsible at the moment haha..

For the submitted paper, our comments were needed and this was my comment:

"It was my first time to do community work like this so I was excited and a bit nervous. I've never been to these parts of Cavite City before. The kids we taught were really friendly and active so I couldn't help smiling. We joined in their activities and generally had fun. At times when we take a break, some kids talked to us about their living situations. Even though most of them have a hard life, they still continue on living cheerfully. I was strucked by their innocence. Sometimes I pity them, sometimes I envy them. Perhaps it is better to stay cheerful and not mourn on problems while you're still young. I think we'll really miss the kids and their antics. They sure cheered me up on my boring Saturdays. Overall, it was a great experience for me."

happy bday rpe

2007-03-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

Happy bday, pare! Hope you like the card.

emo, Gilmore Girls addiction

2007-03-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

Wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted
All the time
Sometimes

~Every Little Thing; Dishwala

I enjoy listening to emo/punk music now, since Kuya Norman put a bunch of songs on Peter (my computer) and asked me to try them. As it turned out, they're great.

Here's my current playlist:

Somewhere In The Middle - Dishwala
Every Little Thing - Dishwala
Letters To You - Finch
Stand By Me - Oasis
Save Yourself - Sense Field
Never Easy - Solace
Save Me - Remi Zero
Photograph - Nickelback
Someday - Nickelback
Dare You To Move - Switchfoot
Will You Ever Learn - Typecast
You Wanted More - Tonic
Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
Empty Apartment - Yellowcard

I'd like to take this out before I babble about my current addiction:
It's sad na ung pinagsamahan ay parang wala na.. Guys, wala kayong effort na magkaroon ng contact. May mobile at phone naman, di ba? Nakakalungkot.

+++

For one week I became a glutton (something that happened once in my lifetime).. stuffing myself with food (mostly rice) every meal and I must say, it's effective. I gained a pound or two. Then the next week I got fed up (mind the pun). The next week I started staying up early in the morning again, lost appetite, and eat late merienda. You recall that "pound or two" that I was talking about? It's gone [again]. And dark circles are added.

So I learned that [lack of] sleep is more fatal to my health. (Even though I still complete the 8hrs rule.)

But I desperately needed a distraction from all the mess I've been having.

I turned to the idiot box for help. (I know I've been neglecting it since I got the internet, hoping I'd save some electricity even for a bit.) So I've been watching Gilmore Girls (marathon!) since I got the dvds. (I've always wanted to watch it over and over and over again coz I miss it!) Downside: I keep staying up.. like till 1pm. Read the sentence that stated what I learned again.

Yeah. Tough.

Season 3 pa lang ako. Dami ko pala na-miss the epi dati. I've watched up to season 4 actually, a few episodes missed coz of school and such.

By the way, I realized that coffee is good without milk too.
I know I should stop drinking coffee again. (I drink like twice a month even though I love the thing! Can you feel my control?)

I'll post up the comparison between Gilmore Girls and my life later. La lang..

Oh yeah.. and I painted my nails Tequilla Sunrise. It's a cross between peach and orange. Kyoot

whenever, wherever, whatever

2007-03-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

Lead me on boy if you must
Take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you want
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
And if ever you yearn for the love in me

Whenever wherever whatever
Baby

Wish I knew if I could
Be the one that you could
Love forever and a day baby, oh yeah

And if there's a thing that you need
For you and your blood I would bleed
And if ever you yearn for the love in me

Whenever wherever whatever
Baby
Whenever wherever whatever
Baby

And if there's a thing that you need
I’d give you the breath
And if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever, wherever, whatever
Whenever, wherever, whatever

~Whenever, wherever, whatever; MYMP

I decided to stay here to be at least a little bit close to him.. and then I found out that he's going away. Buti pa siya malakas ang loob. He'll go for his dream, his goal.

Now I'm losing sight of my goal. I'm thinking of studying a different course. Something to do with arts. But I'm afraid of change. I'm weak.

And I'm getting weaker.
Again.

Pathetic. Damn me.

expectations

2007-02-25T17:53:00.001+08:00

"Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?"
- Kat Stratford, 10 Things I Hate About You
I like that quote.

It's odd how one comment/statement can make a person feel unappreciated, unworthy, and unimportant.

(you: in general)

Well, I'm sorry if I'm not the person you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry if I wasn't the one you're looking for. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect [for you].

But I swear, I try/ied.

I am a walking hexagon filled with irony. Even when at times I feel stubborn enough to be who I want myself to be, regardless of what other people might think or say, there are always those times that I [try to] change myself just for the people I care about.. And then finding out that I'm still not enough.. makes my heart break.

I try to understand them even when they are unreasonable. I muster up my patience even if they're getting intolerable. But do they do that for me? I'm not trying to say that I want them to be like that.. or maybe I am. I'm not so sure anymore.. but still.. why can't they?

That's reality for you. I'll take all insults. I'll take them since I wouldn't be able to supress them from coming out of your mouth/s.

This goes out for everyone in my life. One thing is certain: I care and love you that's why I [try to] change.. Even if it sounds pretty stupid.. Even if I'm the one negatively affected.. But you know what? Maybe someday, somehow.. when I have the strength needed, when I don't fear loneliness anymore, when the situation is not right.. maybe then-- hmm.. maybe..

May flashback nanaman ako noong 5 years ago.

I've recovered for a week from being drowned in depression. Right now.. I feel that the water's rising up to my nose again. I hate being vulnerable(what more people don't know) and yet I couldn't help being sensitive. Why is this happening to me this year?

I hope I make sense. I'm sorry for being dramatic on this entry. Perhaps I need to console myself for a [longer] while.

Note: When I'm in a gullible mood and you want to talk to me about something serious, don't blame or judge me by my answers. Just go with my mood or else call me later.. Coz there are times when I do not welcome insults openly.. and when my mind avoids serious thoughts.. as recommended. *sigh*

unbreak my heart

2007-02-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

A year ago, this day was very precious to me, certainly one of my highlights. Now, it simply.. hurts. (Not to mention-- my whole body aches coz of the Foundation Day preparation.. Oh and my head hurts too.) *sigh* Things are really bad lately. Damn.

Distance may separate us. New stuff may keep us apart. Time may not permit us to see each other that often.. But you should know that.. I will always be here that way I have always been.

Wag mong isipin na balang araw makakalimutan kita. Wag mong isipin na balang araw wala na akong pakialam sa iyo.. Kasi kahit ano pa mangyari, isa ka sa mga taong pinahalagahan at papahalagahan ko.. Kahit makalimutan mo ako.

if only i could shout this to him.. heh

Unbreak my heart
Say you love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart

"Happy" Valentines, everybody.

mind and body exhaustion

2007-02-10T19:27:00.000+08:00

School:
School days were not as great as last sem's. I'm not sure, but I think it's coz of the schedule.. or maybe the subjects.. or the teachers. Plane and Spherical Trigo definitely doesn't give me smiles. It's not just the subject itself (though that maybe be the main reason). It's the last class on MW(not F coz we don't have classes during Fridays) and it's after a vacant period. ReEd's 4:00pm-5:00pm, then the vacant period 5:00pm-6:00pm.. Really not much of a good line-up coz all of my classes start at 1:00pm.. So you could very well imagine the anxiety for a vacant period. Anyway, back to Trigo.. The class lasts for an hour and a half to make up for Fridays. Yeah it's reasonable enough since we need 3 hrs on each subject a week but dude.. isang oras na nga ng Trigo dati ayaw ko na.. Hindi pa un Plane and Spherical.. I really miss Algebra and Dean Giron's class. We couldn't guarantee we'll pass in this class. x_x

Okay, here's a good news: a few weeks ago (Jan. 26) I found out I qualified for the Dean's List! I ranked surprisingly in first place with an average of 91.13 (Yeah, I know it's not that high.. but..); my hard work and patience paid off last sem. *sigh* Ureshii desu. =) I'll ask next week if I could refund some of my tuition (since I heard it'll be discounted). It would seem kinda like earning my first salary or something. ^^'

The bad news behind that good news: I worry about my grades on this sem's subjects. The fact that we're taking damn Trigo bothers me already. I just hope I'll get at least higher than 83. Heck, I'll even take 83.. (But that would still take a huge toll on my average darn it!) Basta di bababa pa dun (83) kung di talsik ako sa DL. I really need the discount. We're a bit low on budget at the mo..

Books:
I'm currently reading Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I read this when I was a high school freshman coz of my English teacher. She made us read a lot of short stories and other literature too. I missed those days.. Especially when we had to do an Act for Romeo And Juliet. (I chose to do Juliet's suicide btw.) It was fun memorizing lines like that.

So yeah.. I took out my old notes on this book. The important ones include a table of symbolism and quotations from the book. Our task then was to write its relevance/meaning. I noticed my handwriting looked.. really different from my current one. I always find it amusing to into the past and see how I've changed a lot. =D

You wanna know what's surprising though? My friends recently seem to take interest on reading books. They actually borrowed some of mine. Maybe they got excited when they saw my bookshelve. They only wanna read the mild horror types though.. (Like Bloody Mary and Goosebumps.) Yeah, it's typical. I mean, many Pinoys are interested in scaring themselves through watching Nginig or other shows (I'm not familiar with the titles coz I don't watch them. I prefer to read. The actors weren't as enjoyable to watch, I'm afraind. Ooh mind the pun.) on the afternoon.

Nonetheless, they're still reading and it's a good thing. Who knows.. maybe they'll digest heavier books later on?

Health:
I swear there's something wrong with my metabolism. I made a strict diet plan the moment January kicked in. I still remember I told myself, "Time for a change. Must lead a healthy lifestyle."

I made a list of food I must have in a day. It includes the vitamin C that I need, multiple vitamin(s), the carbohydrates, and even milk. I also told myself I must sleep earlier than midnight if I could help it. With all that, I even scheduled exercise in my brilliant diet plan.

All was going well until after our educational trip. See, I got the flu. The fever made my energy go low and worry kicked in. This is what pisses me off big time.. When I'm slowly regaining my ideal weight then suddenly there would be an outside force to restrict me. Why must this happen?

The next week, nag-midterm na kami. After that, my body was never the same. I would always feel restless even though I get more sleep. Headaches occur frequently like never before. I become more pissed when I found out that I lost so much weight. I stared in horror when I consulted the weighing scale at my grandma's. (I refuse to put here my exact weight for it is really embarassing.)

I absolutely don't get it. I mean, what must I do to gain weight when once in a while I'm on the verge of being there then lose it again! It freakin' pisses me off! *deep breaths* It's not right. Something's really wrong with me. People noticed that I'm paler than usual. (As if that's even possible.) They kept telling me I needed to take supplements so I reply as calmly as I could that-- ".. I take vitamins. I really do."

Isn't that odd? I take vitamins and each (too) much carbohydrates just to at least get my energetic self back and here I am, feeling tired as ever.

I refuse to go to the hospital to have a blood test. I still loathe needles and I don't know when we'll ever be friends. (Maybe if I become a masochist one day.) But now.. hmm.. I don't know. I mean, I've been thinking.. Maybe I must muster enough courage for a check-up. I'm really worried about myself. I know I grew up looking skinny than the next kid, but I'm thoroughly energetic despite all that.. And now, even that's gone.

Maybe I will go visit the hospital. Maybe next month.

By the way, we have phone line now. It's Globe. My ears are available, guys. Give me a ring, will you? =)

engulfed in mixed emotions

2007-02-08T18:12:00.000+08:00

I was at school and the first subject went on just fine. Thankfully we didn't have a prof. on the next.. so I wasn't feeling fine.

I was overcame with emotions. I've felt alone again, almost as I did five years ago. But that time I didn't hide myself in one of the bathroom stalls just to cry my eyes out.

Why did it have to happen?

What is wrong with me?

Two days ago, I've had this disturbing dream. I was strucked by a needle. There was this girl will long dark hair and a guy. I was "fighting" them and I "won" against the guy first. The girl came up to me, begging to be spared. The moment I forgave her, she poisoned me.

The pain circulated in my whole body. At first it hurts so much. As I was in constant pain, I called for my friends to have this "meeting". (It was supposedly my goodbye to them.) I keep breaking into sobs, crying my eyes out. I really felt as if my time was getting near.

Someone said I only have 15 hours to live.. and so I panicked.

Chamie looked so sad when I told her "I had to go". She asked me to stay but I said, "I want to be with Mother the hour before I die."

It was really that serious.

And then there was this hanging bridge. I was following a guy. I could barely see the path. I nearly fell out of balance, clutching the ropes thinking my life depended on it. It all felt so real.

I woke up, still thinking I only have a few hours to live and that I had to make the most of it.

Strange, ne?

When I had the chance, I consulted Mrs. Barron (today), our department head. She's a professor in psychology. She's good with intepreting dreams. She told me what my dream meant: I am succumbed with a certain depression and that I feel that I am literally slowly dying. She said I shouldn't be afraid to open up to my friends for they are there behind me.

As she said these words, I feel like I couldn't breathe. It was all right. My mind and body was really "disturbed" and exhausted. My confidence was targeted and I started to question my own happiness. I wanted to cry right there on the spot but my mind says, "Don't." I wouldn't want my fellow upperclassmen to see me in my vunerable state.

After I went out of the Psy Lab, my knees almost gave in. I was in the moment of being engulfed of mixed emotions: anxiety, mental exhaustion, depression, self-pity, frustration, loneliness, ect.

It was between 2:40pm - 3:45pm that I was at the brink of losing my happy facade. I guess there exists that time when you couldn't hold back what you feel anymore, when you whole body wants to break out from all the anxiety and frustration.

I've been used to wearing a mask during my (early) senior year in high school. It was more of a necessity than a favor.. to myself and other people. I would always laugh, sometimes boisterously, with my classmates, entertaining jokes and random comments. I tell people that nothing's wrong with me, all the while I couldn't look directly to their inquisitive faces, afraid their eyes would see right through me. When at times I would stay quiet, my mind wanders to the moments of emotional depression that didn't seem to leave, as I know it would be hard to surmount at the time. My heart cries out for help but my mind kept telling me it's right to keep it to myself. It was not pride that's taken over me. Really, I assure you. It's not that for there were countless times when I would bare my sadness to significant people, to get comfort when I know I couldn't take it anymore.

Like what happened today. But the difference was.. there was no one there for me.

Yes, I needed company.

Yes, I know you would think I was stupid not to convey of my feelings to a friend, that I could if I really wanted to.. But I guess I'm simply fed up doing that.. Not that I always do that. It was just sometimes I'd like to keep it to myself because I don't want them to worry over me. Add to the fact that they would also be fed up if I constantly bring up about my inner views of self-confidence and love life - two of which I constantly lack. It's just that I feel I'm not so worthy as a person anymore, you know?

Yeah, you can call me stupid.

I mean, there's really nothing to suggest or comment about. It will be like a tape recorder, playing and rewinding and playing it again for my stubborn brain cells to comprehend. I do understand my situation. I know I have to forget and accept. Perhaps during all this time, I have accepted it and maybe problem is.. I'm plain sad and lonely.

And then again, maybe not.

I wanted to reach out to that person I love. I miss what was once to be a happy, care-free life. I want to bring back that feeling of security, confidence, sincerity.. But reality states that all of which I mentioned was gone. It was locked in the box of memories, free to reminisce but hopeless to go back again.

Do I really find it hopeless?

I don't know.

What I know is.. I'm really broken.

Why is it that after a few weeks of being "happy", my subsconcious kicked in. Perhaps I still have that pain within me. I just didn't think much of it lately.. and so everything came flushing in and I was bitten to remember.

It's really hard.. when you pretend to be happy.. all the while hoping that those feign expressions would soon evolve to reality.

But don't get me wrong. I meant this in the general way (of mixed emotions), not just being felt unloved. Arrgh that sounds lame dammit.. (coz technically I'm not unloved.. No one is..)

Damn drama.

-:-:-:-
the next day:
look what i found: check out these images from a site that i forgot:

credit for the pics on the credits section.. together with the links

my 1st Psy educational trip and Goong addiction..

2007-01-25T20:03:00.000+08:00

We had our first educational trip yesterday at (Mandaluyong) National Center For Mental Health, (Alabang)Elsie Gatches Village, and The Haven.

I'm too exhausted to type anything here for now.. I'll put the details later. For now, enjoy some pics..

Note: These were taken from Ate Jonah (since I couldn't bring my camera, good thing she brought hers).

The following were taken in front of NCFMH Administration building:

this was me with a ponytail.. close-up on that pic.. I look well here..

almost all of us AB PSY majors..

(from left to right:) Cyrl, A.Sheryl, Ellen, [moi], and Janina

this was taken after the tour.. the three of us looked crazy.. XD

Kuya Norman and Ate Sheryl pretending to be.. like the people we visited.. XD lakas ng trip eh..

-:-:-:-

These were taken inside a room at Elsie Gaches:

we were listening to the people in charge about the history of EG, their purpose, about the people they take in (the mentally incapacitated), etc..

we're taking notes.. Ms. Alvero hinted we'll need it..

-:-:-:-

These were taken during the ride on the rented van:

Ellen, Tania, A. Sheryl, A. Jonah, Ms. Alvero, Rowella, [moi], Gladys, A. Arlyn, and Janina..

how random, ne?

It was a very.. interesting day, really.

=)

More experience for us.

-:-:-:-

Oh, btw: I am addicted to Goong/Princess Hours. The plot is kinda cliché but a bit diff from others I've watched so far. The Prince and Crowned Princess reminds me of him and myself. Nakakamiss kainez. I'm ahead of ABS-CBN like those typical fans.. How amusing.

I need to know the ending.

Yamatonadeshiko Shichihenge vol.9, Ghost Hunt vol.4

2007-01-07T19:17:00.000+08:00

I was looking for vol. 8 but I couldn't find one anymore. I itched to read The Wallflower, so you see, I couldn't take my eyes off it.

*sigh* I bought it.

Four of Japan's hottest guys are struggling (in elegant surroundings) with the biggest challenge of their lives... transforming the geeky goth Sunako into a delicate lady. When Sunako's auntie-- the guys' landlady-- arrives unannounced, she finds Sunako enjoying a slashes flick in the darkest recesses of her room. Clearly no progress has been made! So auntie decides there's only one way to turn her niece into a lady: send Sunako and Kyohei on a little romantic getaway. Their accommodations for the evening consist of a vibrating bed, two-way mirrors, and a security guard who's blocking the only exit. Can Sunako survive a night alone with a creature of the light?

By the way, did you hear? There's actually an animé of it now! A friend of mine told me and I didn't believe him.. That is until I saw it on YouTube. Damn it, why can't I have a fast internet connection? I can't even watch on YouTube without too much damn buffering every two seconds!

Nga pala, nakabili ako dati ng Ghost Hunt vol.4. I just forgot when. Oh well, here's the summary:

A-Haunting We Will Go!

After a schoolboy's suicide, the team at Shibuya Psychic Research must unravel mysteries at a local high school. As fire break out in an empty office and a stinky smell sickens an entire classroom, the ghost hunter's job will take both courage and a strong stomach.

The team also investigates a church with a mysterious spirit that haunts only children, and in a hilarious twist, Mai is possessed and thinks that Lin is her daddy. But laughs quickly turn to concern when Lin hides in the snow and cannot be found. Noy it's very important that SPR saves him before he freezes to death!

Christmas 2006, reminisce of the past

2006-12-25T21:56:00.000+08:00

Christmas this year was.. like an ordinary day. So what else is new? When I was young (elementary), Christmas was the opportunity for me to get more Polly Pocket toys from Dad, and me and Mom would wake up really early just to attend mass. The other Christmas~es were.. just like any other day I could forget.

The one Christmas that I wouldn't/couldn't forget was in the year 2001. I was greatly (though subtlely) humiliated by a family member. Being the quiet Mia as I once were, well, I just sucked up the subtle insult and gulped enough to keep myself from spilling those salty water. After the event, when the guests finally left, my mother and I went up to our room and I wept bitterly.

It was the most horrible Christmas ever.

If I was really a disrespectful child as he claimed that I was, I would've lost it and cursed him as loudly as I could. What happened was like a light slap on the face-- on both cheeks. I was too surprised to think of anything else to react. Sitting here right now, I wonder how things could've been if I was truly a problem child. It's a good thing for them that I was a scared, weak, hopeless, and extremely troubled girl. Maybe I should've been a rebel. That way, his lies wouldn't be lies and it'll be like I did him a favor.

Ganito kasi yon: Lumaki ako na kasama lang ang nanay ko at aso ko. Hindi ako sanay mag-mano. Isn't that fairly understandable? Nagkataon na gusto ng tito ko na nag-mamano sa kanya kung sino mang mga bata. I am an obedient child by nature. (Especially to those whom I'm not close with..) Simula noon sinunod ko sya. Lagi na ako nag-mamano. Aba, nalaman ko na lang na tinawag akong plastic. Ano ba yon? Saan ako lulugar? Sinusunod ko naman sya! Truth be told, he's the one who disrespects me. The way he gestures his hands naku.. Kung hindi ka ba naman masasaktan/mapapahiya. And he doesn't even look at me while doing it. If he was so disgusted eh di sana di na lang nya ipagawa yun sa akin di ba? Sino na ang plastic, aver?

Anyway, Christmas Eve came. His wife's relatives visited and there was this little kid, my cousins' cousin, na laging nag-mamano. Eh di itong tito ko ay tuwa sa kanya. He gave the child money(kinda like a present in a way I guess) and declared to all that the ones he gives money to are the ones who are respectful to him o yung mga nag-mamano. (So the money was like prize.) Then, he proceeded to give cash to the other cousins of my cousins.

I'd like to point this out: Children are naive and they'd do what people tell them to do while not understanding it or questioning why. In other words: Sila ay uto-uto.

A fact: The other teens there were.. let's just say that I really am a good-natured, quiet and behaved type. (I'm honest too. No, I do not boast.) The one who studies hard and not impulsive. The typical mahinhing dalaga. And those two were the opposites of me.

Dude, you know what? I don't give a damn about the money. My concern was that: Why wasn't I mentioned when all the while I obeyed him as in nag-mamano ako kahit na nanginginig ako everytime I do it at ang bastos pa ng hand reaction nya? Sa lahat ng teens present doon, ako lang ang hindi binanggit. Ang sarili nyang dugo. Ang may full effort. I was singled out. How humiliating was that?! He intentionally humiliated me. He must've thought I would learn from "my mistake". That's his POV. Maybe I did made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have put any effort in making someone like him appreciate me when all the while my efforts drowned in the sea of nothingness. (I assure you, that wasn't the only time my efforts went useless.) Yes, I was too stupid back then. I regret not being a rebel.

When the new year came, Mom had to leave that house to work far away from our place. She left me there in that damned house. A lot more things happened that she came to know of later. The abuse that I received scarred my being.. and I was on the stage of developing my identity. It was all eventful psychological traumas. What a load of problems I received during my adolescence. It was horrible and there's nothing left for me to do but wait until the end of my highschool freshman year.

It's sad.

These flooding memories make me ~~hate~~ dislike my living situation back then.. again. I know I'm still weak but I'm a lot stronger than I was before.

"Kung palagi ka na lang mag-aagree, you won't grow."
- Raylord Castro

Thanks for pointing that out.

Christmas Eve 2006

2006-12-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

I packed my bags and slept over at Lola's in Kawit. She requested ahead of time (as in months before!) that I'll go to church with her. Lola Jessie's daughter, Tita Pauline, was there. We haven't seen each other in years. She's pretty. I like her hairstyle (it's exactly the one I want). Her daughter "Ichu" was also in town, but I didn't get to meet her. Suddenly I had flashbacks of my childhood. (It wasn't very enjoyable..)

I had a cold a few days ago and I'm on the verge of being cured. In the atmosphere and situation that I'm about to tell made me feel ill again but I endured it. I was so sleepy and a bit weary too, I guess, around 9pm and we were at St. Mary Magdalene church. We were standing coz there's no seat left. It was so unfortunate for me that around that time, flatulence attacked me. Imagine this: it's cool outside, you go in the church. It's packed with people so you'll have to stand for like 3 hours till mass, dizzy coz of sleepiness, tired coz of your heels, sweating cold bullets amongst the crowd, and the flatulence attack. All I can do was complain. From time to time, I kept telling my Grandma that I might pass out or just fall sleep. It was a hard experience, really.

I know it's kinda bad to complain considering the place where I was at and I'm sorry, but it was all I could do to lessen my dismal state. Besides, I wasn't complaining about the event, rather my current situation. Perhaps it was really wrong to wear heels at that time but who was I to know that the place was heavily crowded? Years ago when I was a child, my mother and I attend mass early morning exactly on the 25th. Which was why I had no stint of idea that we should've went to church 4 hours earlier than the said time of the mass just to save my lassitude body.

Nevertheless, I withstood the pain during the event, with the occassional sit-and-shut-eyes of which I think was a big help in momentary survival. Dramatic as I seem to write, it was really..er.. bad. Oh well. All's well that ends well, as they say, and thus I was happy. It's been years since I went to church with Lola anyway.

bdays.. and updates

2006-12-05T12:41:00.000+08:00

Yo, it's been so long huh? I just dropped by to greet my mother and father a very Happy Birthday!!! They're both not with me at the moment and yeah it's sad but life goes on. =)

Mom departed yesterday at 2am so she's probably at London right about now. *sigh* Her birthday is today while Dad's bday was yesterday. Hope you guys enjoyed it. TC always.

Btw, We'll have our phone line on Globe since PLDT takes so long. *sigh* Hopefully I'll have internet connection by the end of this month. =D

Till then, peace y`all!

Lola's 81st bday

2006-11-26T21:10:00.000+08:00

It was Lola's birthday tomorrow and so Mom treated us at Max's. The food was great and we had a good time chatting. Some of the waiters were surprisingly friendly to entertain our (minus moi) questions and comments, etc. Oh yeah and we also saw our dentist: Cherrie Antonio. (She inspired me to become a dentist.. but I guess AB PSY is really far from that huh? XD Well, I used to want dentistry, really..)

Here are some pics:

the birthday girl.. er.. woman..

Mom and Lola..

me and Chamie..

Tagaytay with Tita Risma..

2006-11-15T20:21:00.000+08:00

Mom, Tita Risma, Lola, Diling, Tito Jomel, and I went to Tagaytay for R&R (last Nov. 12 Yes, it's the day, Fiesta of Cavite. Nagkataon lang sa schedule.) ^^ Since I'm still stuck using comp at cafes.. I'll have to edit this post later and put some details.. Just settle for the pics for now.. Enjoy. =D

BTW, I'll have you guys know.. it's the first time I went out with make-up on.. (La lang, just trying something new.) Well, maybe except last graduation.. Pero may okasyon un so.. yeah. Anyway, on with it!

We dined at Antonio's or some name like that.. coz Tita Risma insisted that that place is nice and the food is good.

me and Mom rarely have our pic taken together when we go out.. this looks cute..

ah yes, the sisters..

Mom, Lola, and Tita Risma

Lola and I..

just me.. solo pic ^^

These pics were taken at Josephine's. I didn't know there's a branch at Tagaytay! (Well, now we all do..) The food was great, man. Being an amateur photographer that I am (.. I am?), I must take moments to capture images.. Thus:

the dining you can see inside..

love the stairway..

there's socialization at the moment.. haha..

gotta love the terrace.. er.. patio-like.. thing.. (I don't know what it's called)

looks like there's gonna be a party/occasion later..

there's a pond out there.. dunno if you could notice from this angle..

just me, dining..

the trio again..

Tita Risma was being funny here.. ^^'

a very nice pic of the three of us..

Vampire Hunter D vol.2

2006-10-26T21:11:00.000+08:00

I couldn't resist. I just had to read the next one! I was at National Bookstore, silently praying the 2nd volume was available. As luck agreed with me, here it is:

The First Rule of Vampires is That the Undead Cannot Walk in the Daylight... or Can They?

The people of village of Tepes once cowered in fear beneath the shadow of the Nobility manor. But the Nobility moved on, and the castle sat empty, a place whispered of in ghost stories to caution young people to stay away. One day four of the village children vanished. Only three returned, with no memory of what happened or where they went.

That was ten years ago. Now, in the year 12, 090 A.D., vampires who can walk in the daylight have appeared. Did the disappearance of the children have something to do with the undead's newfound powers? Only the vampire hunter known as D can solve the mystery... but the answer may be more horrible than any can imagine.

I think this one was made into a movie. I have yet to research it. If ever the opportunity presents itself, I would gladly watch it, hopefully if I am in a macabre mood. Haha..

changes in my life

2006-10-21T16:20:00.000+08:00

Mom came unexpectedly, we're moving to another apartment again, I've got a whole new diet plan, Tita Ellen's going away, and the next semester is coming soon. *sigh* Recap mode! This time, WITH PICS! =D

Oct. 17
My mom came. I was at Chamie's and then I called home to tell Tita Ellen that I'll be going home in just a bit. She said it was urgent that I should come home right away. I asked why and she said that the my mom's friend was there and that she's waiting for me. (The woman was said to deliver something for my grandma.- I'm staying at my grandma's.) To make it short, I went home almost immediately.

To make it short: When I opened the door, Mom's there in the kitchen, sitting comfortably as if it's nothing out of the ordinary. ^^'

Oct. 19
Mom, Lola, Tita Ellen, and I went to Duty Free to buy some food, etc. Sayang nga eh coz Ate Airene, Kuya Norman, Ate She, Kuya Raylord, and Ate Jonah went to Tagaytay and I was invited so I couldn't come with. (Ellen, Gladys, and Raymond didn't get to come also.) But it's ok though-- I was with my family anyway. Besides, they informed me that there would be a next time. =D

some pics of me and sis Chamie taken at Lola's when we were bored waiting for the *ahem* adults..

we're standing by each other's side.. it had a meaning, ya know!

a nice pic.. the sun was blinding us a bit..

Ano kaya ung gift saken ni Kuya Raylord? Sabihin nyu nah!

The highlight of the day: We ate at a Japanese restaurant! (Elin Japanese Food and Noodles) The food and the ambiance was SUGOI! Here are the pics:

me, sis Chamie, Mom, Lola, and Tita Ellen

take two!

the table.. with lotsa stuff!

this is like the best thing that made my day! it's a whole bookshelve full of manga~s!! (who woulda thought?) they're pretty old too.. there was another shelve-full on the other side of the resto.. ^^

this was the menu that was hanging in front of our table.. it really has hiragana, katakana, and even some kanji! *ureshii*

this was the menu given to us.. or erm.. some part of it..

these banners immediately reminded me of Naruto. (for those who watched the series, ya know what I'm taking about..) it really gave the place the ambiance.. ^__^ ramen! ramen! sukiyaki!

Oct. 20
Mom, Chamie, and I went to the apartment recommended by my mom's cousin's friend. It's at Sea Breeze Subd., really near Baste (just a few minutes away). I could walk from there. Seriously. (I need exercise!) The place was up since three years ago. We checked the rooms, it's pretty fine. Dude, I hoped we get it, man!

We went to SM afterwards to food-shop with Lola and Tita Ellen. I went to National Bookstore in hopes that I could finally buy The Wallflower vol. 6 or 1. I was unfortunate it wasn't there. So I decided to choose between Ghost Hunt vol. 3 (since there's no vol. 1) or The Wallflower vol. 8. Yah wanna know what I picked? None of the two (?!) coz I saw Vampire Hunter D vol. 1 and 2 available!

Di sapat ang okane ko so.. I only got to buy vol. 1. It's not a manga by the way, it's a novel. It's kinda thick so I know it'll take me like a week or so to finish it (coz I'll be so busy helping out with the packing, etc.) so it'll keep me busy for a while.

The novel that inspired the hit motion picture in English for the first time!

It is the year 12,090 A.D. The world has ended, ravaged in a firestorm of man's wars and madness. But from the wreckage a few humans manage to survive. A few humans... and something else.

Doris Lang knew what her fate was when the vampire Lord Count Magnus Lee bit her. An agonizing transformation into one of the undead, to be stalked by her fellow villagers or cursed to become to be the bride of the unholy creature and face an eternity of torment, driven by the thirst for human blood. There was only one chance, and as she watched him ride in from the distance she knew there was hope. Salvation... from a vampire hunter named D.

Made into the international hit film Vampire Hunter D, this classic work by Japanese horror fiction master Hideyuki Kikuchi has been sought by English fans for decades. DH Press and Digital Manga Publishing are honored to make this translation of the first novel in the ongoing series of Vampire Hunter D books available for the first time!

I hope I can convince my mom to buy me vol. 2 (I've been suggesting that she reads it after I did.) =P

Oct. 21
I called home(Kawit) to my mom and she said some family got it already.. That some family is.. US! Yatta! We're finally gonna move! Probably tomorrow or on Monday. I'm so happy!

+++

I'm currently at the internet café. Later this week (or rather, the next), Peter will be up and running again.. as soon as it's booted.. or whatever needs to be done to it.

The Wallflower vol. 7.. I think I bought it around.. September maybe..

Four of Japan's hottest guys are doing the best they can in their mission to turn dark, macabre Sunako into a dainty young woman-- including Ranmaru, who's famous for his smooth way with the ladies. But when a cute toddler named Rin shows up calling Ranmaru "Daddy", it seems that Ranmaru's days of swinging bachelorhood may be over! Ranmaru swears that Rin is not his kid, but they sure look an awful lot alike.

Ranmaru does his darndest to avoid the boy, but Sunako turns out to have a soft spot for the little squirt. It looks like Ranmaru just might have to accept his role as father-- and Sunako seems to be the perfect mom. Will motherhood finally turn Sunako into a true lady?

Ghost Hunt vol. 3 I bought this on Oct. 8..

The psychic investigators are going back to school-- this time to solve a baffling mystery. Every student who sits at one particular desk is later caught in a train door and dragged away to who knows where. As if classes weren't hard enough! And when Naru and Mai find themselves stalked by their own evil spirits, the case becomes even more bizarre.

Could this dastardly desk be the revenge of a quiet young girl named Chiaki? Or is there another unhappy soul to reckon with? One thing is certain: Voodoo dolls, bad vibes, and sinister curses won't stop the psychic pals from solving their most difficult and dangerous case ever!

So far, I'm enjoying reading it.. I'm in a "dark mood" haha..

true love waits..

2006-10-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

Ikaw na ang may sabi
Na ako'y mahal mo rin
At sinabi mong
Ang pag-ibig mo'y di magbabago
Ngunit bakit sa tuwing ako'y lumalapit
Ika'y lumalayo
Puso'y laging nasasaktan
Pag may kasama kang iba
Di ba nila alam
Tayo'y nagsumpaan
Na ako'y sa iyo
At ika'y akin lamang

Kahit anong mangyari
Ang pag-ibig ko'y sa 'yo pa rin
At kahit ano pa ang sabihin nila'y
Ikaw pa rin ang mahal
Maghihintay ako kahit kailan
Kahit na umabot pang
Ako'y nasa langit na
At kung 'di ka makita
Makikiusap ka'y Bathala
Na ika'y hanapin at sabihin
Ipaalala sa iyo
Ang nakalimutang sumpaan
Na ako'y sa iyo
Ika'y akin lamang

Oh...
Umasa kang maghihintay ako
Kahit kailan
Kahit na umabot pang
Ako'y nasa langit na
At kung 'di ka makita
Makikiusap kay Bathala
Na ika'y hanapin at sabihin
Ipaalala sa iyo
Ang nakalimutang sumpaan
Na ako'y sa iyo
At ika'y akin lamang

~Ako'y Sa'yo; ???

When I heard that song play (in acoustic) from a borrowed cd, I immediately fell in love with it. <3

Even though we're not together in the physical world, I can always be with him in my dreams.. And recently, he's always there.. In my dreams, we could be together. In my dreams, we get to talk. In my dreams, we share the moments. In my dreams...

in conclusion to the storms..

2006-10-05T11:11:00.000+08:00

The storm, Milenio(sp?), made A LOT of damage here at my place.
(I am currently at an internet cafe coz I can't use Peter at home.)
A lot of people died. A lot of belongings were destroyed by the flood.
It caused grief. It caused misfortunes.
Only some stuff at the apartment were drenched.. but now the whole place is a mess.
The flood came up to near to our hips..
My refrigerator was a bit wet. The sofas were half-wet. Our beds swam and floated.
Peter's fine. Only his mouse swam. (It's time to buy a new one anyway.)
The first night, I had to stay at a neighbor's house-- My friend's place.
The second night up til now, I'm staying at Tita Ellen's place.
News was, up until now, there's still no electricity in our vicinity, there at San Rafael 2.
The apartment wasn't suitable to live in at the moment. That's how serious it is.

***
Let us pray to those who died.
Let us pray to those who are homeless.
Let us pray to those who are suffering.

***
I'd like to thank all those people who helped me..
Tita Ellen and her family.
Ronald and his family.
Thank you so much for your hospitality.

My friends whom I get to talk to when all of this was happening.
To God, for everything.

start of Intrams 2006

2006-09-21T19:30:00.000+08:00

I put up a lot of pics for this entry. Enjoy.

The day started with a parade which led to the Gym. There held the cheering competition. All did well. It's fun watching 'em all perform. It got me a bit nervous to think that I'll be there performing in the next few years.

Baste Canacao Gym

Our org shirt.. It was designed (abstract) by a 4th year.. I think.. Ate Valerie Quilalang yata..

On the way to Ate Airene's.. We rode a jeepney.. and I took shots.. La lang haha..

Ellen and me..

Ate Sheryl.. She's texting here. (Ate Jonah's sitting to her right actually..) Ate Jonah acting as if she doesn't know haha..

me, Ellen, and Ate She.. This was taken at 7/11 while we were waiting for Ate Airene. It's a dark shot.. Odd.

After the cheering competition, we headed to Ate Airene's place. We hanged-out there for a while and then when May decided to join us in the afternoon, Ate Sheryl, Ate Jonah, Kuya Norman, and I went to SM to pick her up. (Kuya Norman drove. It makes me wanna get a license myself haha..)

me and Ate She

Ate She acting like a biker.. and me

Ate Jonah and me with v-signs..

me and Ate Jonah..

me and May..

Ellen and me..

At Ate Airene's, we sang karaoke, ate stuff, and the others drank. Ellen, May, and I decided to go home at around 5pm. I was supposed to go to Baste (after coming home first) but after hearing from Kuya Raylord that the basketball match was over, well, I canceled. In their game, we (SMC/Psy) won against Accountancy. Bro Rey, what happened??

Btw, I only play sports for leisure so I don't "do" competitions. =P

It was a pretty adventurous day for me, considering the fact that I don't normally travel with just my friends to a place as far as Molino, Bacoor.

an update after quite some time..

2006-09-15T20:53:00.000+08:00

Wow. It's been so long since I put up an entry. Sorry for not updating sooner, guys. I've been busy. I have no desire to put this page on hiatus, just in case anyone's wondering. That wouldn't be fair considering I've been addicted to blogging before and I used to update daily. Well, this particular entry I'm gonna divide into "subcategories". (It sounds like something from a game show, doesn't it?) I might do the same pattern if I'm going to update weekly or twice a month. Here goes..

School:
I've been going to the library a lot these past few weeks. I finish some homework there, do notes of reports, and write stories for Lumad. (Lumad is a book; a compilation of poems, short stories, and some artworks done by fellow Sebastinians.) I'm quite fond of libraries. I find peace there with all those books, all those silent students.. gotta love the air-condition as well. If only there's like a big public library around here, I'll probably make it my "hang-out place". =D

My grades (the announced ones) were fairly high this Midterm. I find this a bit funny though:
ReEd and College Algebra - grades were raised by 1point
Sining ng Pakikipagtalastasan and Philippine History - grades were the same
Guidance and Counseling and History of Education - grades were dropped by 1point

See the pattern? Nice ratio, ne?

Our grades in Remedial English and Biology were presumably going to be given next week.
Hopefully, Iill be able to maintain my grades despite these shortcomings.. coz Ill create another mask and raise up my shield once again..

Books:
Kuya Raylord lent me a couple of books: last year's Lumad and 50 Great Short Stories. I read some of Lumad's but only two of 50 GSS. Naninibago nanaman ako sa writing styles there. It needs concentration and patience in understanding.. some of which I don't have recently. *sigh* When will my mind be stable?

As for leisure-reading, I read Bloody Mary again by Carlos Malvar. (I dunno but I find it quite addictive!) This time- while eating crackers and then falling asleep afterwards! XD

My next target for my leisure-reading is The Light Princess by George MacDonald. I read this before but I didn't exactly understand it. There's something deep within the concept.

Health:
I noticed I've been eating a lot of snacks. (It must be a good thing, right? I mean, most people gain weight coz of in-between meals eating.) I mean, every waking hour I'll think about what to eat. (I'm not kidding. I must be getting a bit obsessed about gaining weight.) I also drink water (and milk) a lot more than usual since I'm getting worried about my excretory system. Long story. Besides, my mom's been nagging me about it so.. heh. *shrugs*

Another change in diet: I'm taking vitamins now, Revicon, to be exact. I also drink Milo almost every morning. Those will give me energy through lazy times. XD

I have the worst sleeping pattern now. Because of Ayashi no Ceres manga addiction and mp3 downloads, I've been sleeping at around 2am. Yes, it's sad. (I'll wake up at 10am.) But I couldn't help it! Internet has got me hooked!

Here are the sites I'm always on:
Fanfiction.net
MangaVolume
Friendster
Reality Lapse.COM

I should lay low on internet nowadays.. it's been eating out my savings haha.
Well, that's all for now. I'll try to update weekly.

The Computer Tragedy

2006-09-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

One night a few days ago, Kuya Albert and Kuya Chris (the two technicians that sis Chamie recommended) came over to format my computer, put a bigger memory, and install Adobe Photoshop 7.0. They were explaining to me that the former technician did this thing called "patrician" or something so that I have back-up files. It was a good thing, they said. I was happily waiting outside my room. I even called Gladys to check up on her life. All's well when suddenly I received a very bad news.

"We didn't know it was formatted like that."
"What do you mean?"
"When we were deleting your files from the Documents, we saw that the same files on your back-up were being deleted as well."
".."
"It's a good thing that we observed what happened. Some of your files were saved."
".. and the others?"
"Well, we're sorry. The format that your former technician did was wrong. It's not supposed to work that way."
"My files..?"
"Your files were deleted."

Yes. You read it right. (You could say that this was the reason why I didn't blog lately.) More than 3/4 of my files were gone. For 5 years that I've been with my computer, saving music files, pictures, fanfictions, research materials, personal stuff.. *sigh* All that patience and hard work.. All those sleepless nights and efforts.. All that electric bills and internet cards.. All those memories and ideas.. ALL GONE.

I thought I was gonna faint. Tita Ellen said I looked so white that night, as if I'm a marble statue carved to life. My throat felt hallow, my whole body was shaking, my hands were clammy, and my mind wandered.

I cried hard before dinner. It was definitely unbelievable. I wrote about 10 original stories and saved it there. My memorable videos and pics were stored there from my stolen camera. All my precious files were gone. What were left were the unimportant ones.

It's amazing how one moment can change your life or your view of life forever.
Life stinks. I'm depressed. It's freaking horrible, man.

My 18th birthday.. [080606]

2006-08-08T00:01:00.000+08:00

[edit]
I think I will edit this post later.. I'm not satisfied with it..[/edit]

Looking back, I never wanted to celebrate my debut with extravagance. I prefer a small gathering with my family and friends.. you know, just relax, eat, and talk. (I wasn't nearly excited as my friends.) I thought, debut is just another day that I get older and it doesn't need to be a big deal. (Though debut and weddings are like a one-day celebration, I consider weddings as really something great and important, unlike debut.. as it involves something Sacred.) But then, when it happened, I felt a strange surge of longing inside me.

It was then I paused and thought, "Maybe I said it wasn't such a big deal because the three most important people in my life aren't with me right now."

Yes, it was true.

Both my parents are away. My dad.. *sigh* I have no news about him. Mom.. she called twice. The night before my birthday-- just to greet me in advance-- and the precise day, to ask how it went. The other person.. well, he's at school, practicing on dance moves for the upcoming karakol. Woe is me.

There's nothing I can do about it, I know. Dad's somewhere I don't know. We haven't any contact since 2001. Mom is in the other side of the world because of her job. And that certain someone is busy with his thing.

I know nothing could make up for it. The day passed. *sigh*

But then again..
It was an opportunity for us IV-Gold to reunite and reminisce, that's certainly a positive thing, ne? By the way, I never expected there would be the presentation of roses and the dancing.. Heh, Chamie ha..

Thanks for coming: Chamie, Ace, Aica, Andrew, Drix, Gladys, Glend, Gliselle, Jeff, Jhe2, Joel, May, Rey, and Lola.

Wished you were there: Mom, Ronald, Ate Divine, Aki, Chunny, Ma-an, and Vina.

Special thanks to Tita Ellen (of her patience and hard work).

..now on with the pics..
(warning: the pics' colors are *ahem* horrible, I know. As I keep saying, I need a new camera! Grr.. so I edited them all because it looked too dark to see anything.. and these are the outcome of my unprofessional editing of the shades.. The shots are really dark, it pisses me off!)

from the left.. that's Gliselle, Lola, and Tita Ellen (she's kinda hidden). That girl with the ponytail is May..

the spaghetti sauce.. I'm not fond of spaghetti.. it was a suggestion from sis Chamie since she misses eating spaghetti..

Tita Ellen and Chamie decided to make a punch with concoctions I never heard of. I was hesitant to try it at first but when I did, I found it tastes surprisingly good! (There were fresh cut oranges and apples mixed..)

It's one of my cakes. The other one (it's Mocha!) was in the refrigerator, same size as this. I ate 4 cakes in celebration of my birthday (3 kinds). This chocolate one, I didn't eat much.. Wait, I think I only tasted the icing.. Darn. The Mocha.. I think I ate almost half of it. The Black Forrest that May gave me as a gift-- I finished recently. Then there's the other Black Forrest as a gift to me and Ate Airene from my LIA1PSY classmates. We ate it right after our last class [080706] in the room where Ate Peny works.

Thanks so much for that: Bebey, Ate Sheryl, Ellen, May, Gladys, and Raymond.. and the people who joined in the eating trip.. Ate Peny, Tanya, and Janina to name a few haha..

To conclude, it was a mixture of happiness and sadness, of laughter and tears. Thanks for all your greetings, your messages, and your wishes. May everyone of us have many birthdays (and reunions!) to come. God bless poh sa lahat. Miss ko na kayo!!! (So much!)

=D

your letters, certain blahs

2006-07-27T23:53:00.000+08:00

Imagine me and you
I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
to think about the guy [edited] you love
and hold him [edited] tight
So happy together

~Happy Together; Simple Plan

I took your 14 letters in those cute little brown envelopes with heart stickers and read them. (Do you still remember?) I wonder if you meant every word you said. (Do you remember them?) Having those personally-made poems given from someone so precious.. my heart swells with so much love.. and my mind with so much thoughts and memories...

But it seemed long ago, isn't it? I want to go back to that time.. that time when every day seem to open with smiles.. when every moment felt special.. when every event is significant...

(I know this may sound uber mush-y but.. honestly) There was never a day that passes by that I didn't think of you... (You guys can call me 'stupid' or whatever. Go ahead.)

I never thought I'd experience this much pain and happiness from that single person I can't get enough of. It makes me weak and strong at the same time. For now I must wait. If fate shall twist again, this time for the better.. I will do my best to show you how much I love you and how much I care... as I did before.

+++

certain places..
certain songs..
certain events..
certain objects..
certain scents..
certain stories..
certain phrases..

they remind me of you..
of us..

a mere memory..
makes me feel..
how we used to be...

wasurenaide wasurete kure
ima mo kimi e no omoi wa
arashi ga sakamaku yoru no umi
musebi naite mure hanareta
samayou futari no shirube wa
"kibou" no futa-moji sa

~[a part of the song Taiyou ga Mata Kagayaku Toki..]

translation:
Please don't forget. Even now, my feelings for you are the sea in a night of surging storms choked up with tears and crying, separated from the group what guides us when we wander are the letters of "hope."

unwell..

2006-07-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy
I'm just a ~~little~~ unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

~Unwell; Matchbox Twenty

I was at Chamie's earlier. It rained on my way back home. I love walking in the rain. If only people won't see me, thinking I'm crazy or worrying that I might get sick, I'll do it everytime. I'm simply dramatic and sentimental like that.

I've just finished reading HP and the Order of the Phoenix yesterday. It was great as presumed.

I hope I did well on the exams..

I saw the beauty of that song today, funny. Just goes to show someone emotional would relate to such things. *sigh* It's hard being depressed and lonely you know.

the girl, Kagetora manga

2006-07-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

I went to SM yesterday(despite the rain) and wandered around National Bookstore. After searching for an affordable fantasy/sci-fi book interesting enough to suit my attention span (plot), I've decided to check out if they already have vol6 of The Wallflower.

The manga section that was near the first cashier wasn't there anymore. I asked the saleslady where it is and she gave me directions. I walked through shelves until I've spotted it.

There was a really tall girl standing there in front of the stock. I didn't really got a good look at her since I don't stare at strangers so I assumed she was around her 20s.

When I walked closer and my eyes scanned the manga stock, I was surprised she talked to me! When I heard her voice and accent, I came to an assumption.

She must be around my age or older and she's from America.

Here's our conversation from my blurred memory.

the girl: *suddenly talked!* So you like reading those?

me: *startled* Uh.. yeah.

[pause after like 7 seconds of thought..]

She's wearing a tank top and low-waisted stretched jeans. It simply screams "teen-USA". =D

me: It's just hard when you wanna continue reading but they don't have the next one.. or that you wanna start off with something but they don't have the first one..

the girl: Which do you read?

me: The Wallflower. I'm looking for vol6. They still don't have it.

the girl: Well, they have vol7.

me: *shook my head* Actually, I've also been looking for vol1. You see, I started with vol2.

the girl: Oh.. *pointed at Guru Guru Pon-chan manga* This one's about a dog.

me: Yeah. *chuckles*

the girl: Why don't you try reading the others? I've read a lot.

me: *thinking, well if I'm rich I'd buy them all, even the ones I don't like that much* It's just that the others are not that appealing to me.

I would've considered reading Pichi Pichi Pitch if I weren’t so *ahem*. It's about a mermaid falling for this human guy. Definitely shoujo. I just don't want to be reminded of love blossoming.

As I moved to other books, the girl's mother came. She's also tall though Filipino. They talked in English and compared the cost in dollars.

My assumption turned out to be valid.

When she finally decided on 3 manga~s I think, they finally left. Manga here is cheaper. The only manga I got to buy in Barnes And Nobles (God, I miss that place so much. It feels like heaven whenever I'm there.) was 6 volumes of Cardcaptor Sakura. (I was an avid fan back then.) Each costs $9.95 and the publisher's Tokyopop. Mind you, this was 4 years ago.

Anyway, I finally decided to get Kagetora. It'll be nice to read something ninja. The art was good. The plot's fairly shoujo. It's the characters that well.. Ok, this is my point of view from someone who just read vol1. The girl Yuki is impossible. I don't think there's anyone like her nowadays. She's too thick and.. so childlike. Aside from that, she's too clumsy she can't even stand carefully. *shakes her head* It's unreal. The strong points she has are her patience and determination (hey, she's like me!). She's completely oblivious to a lot of things in life and she's a teenager for crying out loud!

And isn't it too early for a disciplined ninja to fall for a.. girl like her?

*sigh* I guess I was expecting some dark angsty scenes somewhere. Instead, I was blinded by the light of shoujo-ness. I have nothing against shoujo.. it's just that.. I miss angst plots.. the sorrowful events.. the secrets.. the dark past.. the ones that makes you think about your life and what if you're in that condition.. and such. But wait, shoujo deals about life, right? (Because girls are more dramatic and serious than guys.) Ok, I'll expect some in the future. I'll hope.

If only I could get my hands on a set of well-translated manga of Yu Yu Hakusho, Fruits Basket, Fushigi Yuugi, Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, and GALS!, I'll be a happy otaku. =P

Anyway! Here's the synopsis for Kagetora vol1:

The young ninja Kagetora has been given a great honor to serve a renowned family of skilled martial artists. But on arrival, he's handed a challenging assignment: teach the heir to the dynasty, the charming but clumsy Yuki, the deft moves of self-defense and combat.

Yuki's inability to master the martial arts is not what makes this job so difficult for Kagetora. No, it is Yuki herself. Someday she will head her family dojo, and for a ninja like Kagetora to fall in love with his master is a betrayal of his duty, the ultimate dishonor, and strictly forbidden. Can Kagetora help Yuki overcome her ungainly nature,,. or will her be overcome by his growing feelings?

By the way, I'm regaining my sleepy~ness! Yay!

We only have one class today: ReEd. Classes will be dismissed 3:00pm, there's a meeting. We won't get to go home soon though. We(the freshmen) are in charge of the design of the Psychology bulletin. So we might come home around our usual dismissal time..

what have been going on lately

2006-07-18T11:16:00.000+08:00

A lot of things have been going on lately that I haven't really stated here. I'll take this opportunity to post it.

Yesterday we had a quiz on Algebra. I'm a bit nervous that Dra. Giron will give us something "different" from our example notes. My guess was correct. Unfortunately for me, the given problems have decimals. (She didn't really refresh our memories on that, assuming of course that we know how to solve it despite the signs.. I mean, we should, right?)

I have nothing against decimals, actually. In the past, they're pretty decent by my book, much more than fractions. I used to wage war with fractions. It was just last night that I realized.. I dislike decimals (and subraction) more than fractions now. It got me confused solving it coz of the negative signs all over the place. I know that if the number after the decimal point is low then it is high coz it'll be closer to one. Damn confusing.

For something that used to be so easy in the past.. *sigh* Honestly, I got a headache after the quiz. My head was spinning and I kept getting nausea during Sr. Geronimo's class. My eyes were unfocused as was a bit of me. Nonetheless, I still get the discussion. The headache wore off a few minutes after I had my dinner. It must have been coz of my lack of sleep, lack of food, and the full concentration of the quiz. Great.

Sunday:
I stayed home, waiting for Mom's call. I was determined to finish more than half of a certain book. Surprisingly, I slept in the afternoon. It's my first time since school started. (Who'd thought?)

Saturday:
The officers of the P.E. club had an assembly at the Auditorium. Half of it was for the election of the main officers.

We decided to eat lunch at Gladys' house which turned out a kinda bad idea. We walked all the way to her house at Sangley. It was a 20-minute walk. You could very well imagine our trip under the sun.

The result? We were late for NSTP. The horror. I haven't been late in any of my classes before. And there was no seat for us. We had to go to each neighboring rooms to borrow a chair and then drag it all the way to our room.

I've been eating lots of chocolates lately but it seems that my system's not as simple as other people's that would bloat after a couple of intake of sweets. Damn. (I hope not to get another series of flatulence attacks. It's really painful.) I lost a lot of weight since the beginning of school what with all the stress I've been through. Some of my problems have been cleared and solved while some is still taking its toll on me.

Lack of sleep = lack of appetite = lost of weight = insecurities = distractions/ instability

Get the picture? Sleep. Recently I sleep in the morning. Why can't I sleep at night? I don't know. Even if I would lie down in bed, it's no use. My mind's wide-awake at 1:00am though my body's tired. Random thoughts fly in my head. There are just a lot of things to think about. I am really nocturnal.

Most of my pants don't fit well anymore. I have been expecting weight loss but not like this. I didn't expect lack of appetite coz I have been eating quite well during vacation. (That's saying a lot. I thought I'd progress with my eating habit.) I guess only happy people would eat with appetite.

Oh by the way, it's true that if you don't have unli, you save more energy on your cellphone battery. XD I don't buy much load anymore so I seldom text. The purpose of my cellphone recently is to wake me up in the morning and remind me that some people still remember me.

Tomorrow is the pre-lims. It's really near, dude. It's for real. Lots of cramming to do later. At least my staying up late will have something good that would come from it.

***

[added in the afternoon..]
Random stuff today..

During History, talking about Lapu-lapu..
Sr. Janabajab: "Kung buhay sya ngayon, ang nickname nya LL."
XD

During English, talking about prepositions..
Sr. Peralta: "Ok! For you I..?"
students: "..will!"
Sr. Peralta: "..will not!"

Sr. Peralta: "Use by in a sentence.. He got to school by..?"
me: *whispers* "..a parachute.. why on Earth did I think of that?"

Sr. Peralta: "If not completely quiet..?"
me: "..completely noisy..?"
XD

Toodles for now.

Special shout-out to Ma-an. Hey girl! =D

no classes, played with camera

2006-07-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

We don't have classes today and yesterday coz of the weather. I was bored so I played with my camera this afternoon. =D

By the way, yesterday, Ellen and I watched The Nun. It was ok. (Surprisingly, I didn't get that scared. Asian horror films make me shiver more for some reason. I think it's coz of the physical feature.) There was a time when Ellen really screamed. It was so funny, we kept laughing about it. The ending bothers me a bit though. Hmm.. But it was fun. We decided to hang-out at SM when we found out there were no classes.

I'm kinda worried though about our lessons. Next week, we'll have our pre-lims and the two days without classes matters.

Hey now, let me hold you
It'll be ok
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away

Hey now, are you listening?
Can you hear me say?
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away

Believe in me
I'm here to stay
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away

~Till They Take My Heart Away; Kyla

Tomorrow's the 14th.. Oh nothing.. I just like to say that.. and remind myself. Here I go again, reminiscing. Bleh. Haha..

Damn, I have mosquito bites.

I miss us...

2006-07-11T23:07:00.000+08:00

I miss the way he laughs at my corny jokes and my crazy antics. I miss the way he looks at me, the fondness I see from them. I miss being with him almost everyday. I guess I couldn't do anything but miss him. That's all I can do after all.

No matter how much I want to be there for him...
No matter how much I want to spend time with him...
No matter how much I want to help him in any way I can...
No matter how much I want to stay by his side through his problems...

I can't.

***

Damn drama. Maybe I should write for soaps?

I've attended my first official, serious meeting today at noon. I didn't get to eat much in lunch coz I was so worried about being late that I ate like only 1/3 of my meal. (Yeah, it's worse than diet, heck, I don't even need dieting!) I had to print my resume at a compu cafe somewhere near school.

Anyway, the meeting went fairly well.. for a first meeting. I need to appoint students or the ones who'd like to volunteer, to dance in the Induction intermission number and then there's the abstract drawing contest. I wanna join but somehow I'm not too confident of making an abstract. I mean, the curves, the shade.. and even the textures have meanings! I won't know what my drawing abilities would represent and I'm scared to think like that. *sigh*

because of him..

2006-07-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

Warning: I'm in a sentimental mood right now. I'm filled with random thoughts that I need to let out. I love blogging..

I think of him whenever I wear the necklace and the ring he gave me.
(Who/What else will I think of about that anyway?)

Because of him I miss watching Trigun and chick flicks.
I could only name a few of my friends who would really sit with me and watch a movie intently. Moments like this I treasure.

Because of him I miss eating at Malen's.
The food and ambiance there is great but it's the memory of dates that holds a special place in my heart. (By the way, the new Malen's is done. It is a lot bigger than the old one, not to mention more beautiful.)

Because of him I miss "swimming" in the beach and the pool.
Junior year I was so scared to go to the middle part of the pool coz it's deep there. He grabbed me and pulled me there (papansin). When I'm in tiptoe, I got so nervous (despite the fact that I'm holding onto him so I wouldn't really drown) so he released me to go back to the sides.. XD
I remember our vacation at Las Palmas with our classmates and how he got wet because of Chamie. He went home still a bit wet and I sleep during the ride, exhausted.

I miss messing up his hair and talking about guy stuff.
He gets annoyed when his hair-gelled hair gets messed up and whenever I ask him things I'm curious about guys. He smiles though annoyed.

I miss the times he annoys me, when he tugs my hair, the way he tickles my ears, and whenever he does his pa-cute smiles.
I get happy whenever I make him smile. It feels good to know that I'm the reason his day brightens. It feels good when I'm the reason he feels safe and comfortable in his state. I miss that feeling..

Because of him I miss playing solitaire and scrabble.
I remember I made him eat a small red pepper the time he lost in solitaire (3 times in a row!). I just watched the video I took of him that time which made me reminisce that led me to be dramatic and type this entry.

I think of him whenever I see straws and puzzles.
He has this certain habit that few people notice. Actually, I'm starting to do it too. No, not as a habit.. I just want to. It makes me smile! =P

I think of him whenever I see roses and teddy bears.
I still have my bouquets, though dried, and Tine-Tine. She needs a good dry-clean right about now.

I think of him whenever I eat pizza and Pocky.
He usually orders at Green Cab and one time he made a bet with me that there's Pocky at SM Bacoor. As it turned out, there was.

I think of him whenever I hear about Chefu and Tae Kwon Do.
Chefu is the first place where we dined. It surprised me a bit coz I was curious of this resto but I didn't know it's a place for.. erm.. more for oldsters. Hehe.. And Tae Kwon Do? I'm worried about his knee.

I miss the person I used to be. He gave me hope to love again in a way that I could express my feelings freely. I guess I put too much trust and expectations in him, thinking we'll always stay together and be happy, thinking that whatever problems would occur, we'll survive through it. I expected all those from him because that's what he told me. His promises made me strong and hopeful.

"I love you," he said.

"You don't have to say it, just prove it."

For some people, it's easy to say those three immortal words. Maybe because it's true, maybe because it's sure. Even if I seldom tell him that, I keep a promise in my heart. He doesn't hear it but I make him feel it.

I don't have to say, "I love you" just to prove to that person that I do. You can see it in my eyes. You can see it by the way I act. You can feel it from all the things that I do. But if it takes those words to make you know how I really feel, then just ask and I'll say it.

I know I can't force him my ideals but it would feel nice if it's that way. Right?

It's been exactly a month when he broke the bond between us. He said he did it for me, that it's for the best and he didn't want me getting hurt in our relationship.

It's so hard to live the present when you're still clinging to the past. But there's one thing I will do. It is to hope for the future as long as I have a reason to hope for.

I hope he'll be the reason.

If you're thinking I'm scared. Yes, I am.

Something important I learned: Love is not enough after all. (I used to think so.) You also need trust, hope, determination, strong-will, perseverance, honesty, and patience in a relationship. I hope to get that in the future.

Our challenge now is time. Let's hold onto the promise of tomorrow and live for the future.

Drama, drama, drama.

won, elected, rain

2006-07-08T18:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday turned out a fine day. I won! (Hoorah!) I'm now the Freshman Psychology Representative. Thanks to those who voted! =D I'm sure R.J would've been good too. I'll do my best (kelangan pa bang imemorize yan?).

Surprisingly, our Algebra's going easy (so far). It's supposed to inspire us but we couldn't help but think what will we study as the semester will pass. Of course it'll be easy at first but.. Well, you get what I mean. Oh well, we're in Liberal Arts, so unlike BS, we don't have much math to study (just through our freshman year) so HAHA! =P But I'm really enjoying solving Algebra. My problem will occur in the second semester coz then we'll be studying Geometry and Trigonometry, the subjects I can't comprehend much.

I was so worried about the quiz in EDUC. I didn't get to even skim through it. I thought I'll have to study like 2-3 pages of notes but when I finally decided to look through it, it's about 4-5 pages long! Damn. I rocked my brain in between periods of Guidance and Math. My friends already reviewed their notes even before Sining ng Pakikipagtalastasan (which is also why I got tensed.)

I can't understand my studying method and memory capacity now. Or maybe it's just coz I have interest in the subject. I.. I passed (actually, I was surprised I got the highest result!) with one mistake. Damn, I didn't even get the thing full! Determination and perseverance are good to have. =D I know it's bad to cram but if you can't help it then.. Heh, no choice dude. (At least you even thought of doing it!)

I recall my friend Lindsey. (Hey.) Whenever there's like a test and I asked her how much she studied, she always say the same thing, "I didn't study."

..

And she gets high results.

Sometimes I admire people who have big memory capacity coz I'm not like that. But now I realize, it does have something to do with your mood. I mean, if you were interested on the topic at hand, you wouldn't have to force yourself into concentrating on it! But when you don't like it, it gets hard to put in your head then you'll be frustrated. Some people like Lindsey don't put much effort into studying coz she has a really expandable memory unlike many of us.

I'll give a personal example. In 6th grade, when Pokemon was really famous back then, I got addicted to playing the game in Gameboy Color. If you ask me to describe a Pokemon and give their attacks, type, weakness, and description, I would give you full details (under less than a minute) and a grin. (Yeah, I was like a walking Pokedex back then.) But if you ask me something about let's say.. Filipino vocabulary words, it'll take me like 2 minutes from answering 10 of them and I'll give you a frown.

That's how it is like when you're interested in something plus effort and determination. I suppose you could force yourself to memorize something, but you'll have a hard time, wouldn't you? (You'll probably curse and throw stuff while memorizing.)

Ok enough about that. I sound like a motivator. Hehe.

In P.E. this morning, Mrs. Herrera (she's strict and I like it) asked us to make the class officers. Yes, it is strange considering the two sections combined (us and Mass Comm. majors) haven't interacted enough with each other to know each other's potential. But oh well.

The Mass Communication students are a bigger batch than us Psy students. It clearly means that the more nominations coming from their party, the higher percent they will be divided. Thus, when there's someone nominated in our department, "we win".

P.E Officers from LIA1PSY:
Vice President: Penny
Treasurer: Raymond
P.R.O: [me] (I would've voted for Vina, but I was nominated. Sorry Vi.)
Business Manager: Ellen

(We need to attend some sort of assembly next Sunday. Yeah, that means no full vacant day next week!)

During the nominations, Ate She and Gladys had some kind of fight/misunderstanding. But Ate She said they're ok now. It began when they teased Gladys on a certain position. They didn't think Gladys would react about it sensitively.

We ate lunch at McDo again. (I kept chewing straws.) As it rained, fond memories filled my thoughts. I remember walking in the rain from a dinner date at Malens. I also remember the time we were supposed to watch Ace's performance. We were cold and wet but being with each other, it makes a warm feeling. Could it be..?

I like the rain. It gets me all sentimental and lonely but there's something about it that makes me feel good reminiscing.

Besides, we need a break from the hot summer days. =D

I was listening to Jesse McCartney's songs earlier: She's No You and Beautiful Soul. *sigh* It'll make a girl really happy if those were dedicated to her.

a successful project/report

2006-07-06T22:29:00.000+08:00

"I could be a paper. You can write your feelings, scribble your anger, use me to absorb your tears. But don't throw me away after use coz when you feel cold, I'll burn myself just to warm you."

Isn't this touching or what? Pretty damn creative, ne? (Too bad I didn't make this though.)

I had to come to school early. I slept like 3:00am haha.. I had one piece of bread and a bit of coffee for breakfast. My stomach ached as a result from eating only a piece of bread for dinner last night and nothing else. My eyes were a bit sleepy and my thoughts are filled with work that I have to finish.

I took notes from my DNA research yesterday in an index card, just so when I black out in class, I have something to save me. I also answered some questions in the English handout. While in the bus, I read my History notes coz we have a test for today and I haven't even glanced at it!

I decided to eat lunch somewhere near school with Ellen. I headed straight to our room after waiting for so long for Ellen outside school. I found Gladys there as she was just answering the handout. She presented to me the "modified" DNA structure from yesterday and it came out quite good. It wasn't exactly that neat coz the paint she used for the DNA's backbone spread through the straws. But whatever, what matter is that it's a right replica and we worked hard (and late) for it.

Gladys and I went to the library to finish the handout and meet up with Ate She. Ellen was already there when we arrived while Raymond said he's on his way. We didn't get to finish the handout but at least we got most of the questions answered.

We were a bit late when we came to History. Luckily, Sr. Janabajab gave us a few minutes (to review) and he's not so strict. I took the opportunity to review my notes again, trying to get some memorable points for each. (Take note: Yes, I didn't get to eat lunch. Welcome to college, Mia.)

Thankfully, it went well. (I didn't know cramming would seem.. "appealing" to me coz I've been against it.) In R. English, we went to the auditorium again to finish the library.. erm.. stuff they talk about. I forgot what it's called hehe..

It's Biology that made me cheerful by the end of the day. My report was a success! The DNA structure was right (we were the only one who got it exactly). It's funny how I've been worrying about it hours ago. We got the highest grade, man! =D Ureshii desu!

My confidence is slowly getting higher as time pass by. This is good news. Hopefully my insecurities will lessen and I'll believe more in myself than before. (In reality, the people believe in my potential more than I do myself and I always have this tendency to become pessimistic about myself.) But I have more courage now to face people and express my opinion. This might be the step for being optimistic again. Recently I see the world in red and black. It was stormy or raining even if it was sunny.

But right now, it's really raining outside. =D

By the way, Raymond lent to me HP & The Order Of The Phoenix! I'll finally get to read book 5 without even buying it! Thank you! (If this is exciting, I might finish this within 3 days..) I might get addicted again. I can't wait for the next movie!

I just like to point this out: This afternoon I became aware of the fact that I use the expression, "Ayos!" often. (Is this the influence of watching MTV?)

I was chewing on my straw when I suddenly thought of him.
A few minutes later, he was appeared. Funny.

By the way, special shout-out:
Happy Birthday, Kuya Rey!

DNA model

2006-07-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

I just came home from my group mate's house. We have a project on Biology for tomorrow. It's a DNA model. I vaguely remember how it's done from Mrs. Encarnacion's class as a sophomore. If only I could contact Andrew. *shrugs* But then again, they're not close so never mind.

Ate Jonah's sister's house is just around the corner from the school. Our last class with Sir Geronimo ended around 8:00pm so you could very well imagine just how hungry we were. Ate Sheryl had some mood swings and got kinda pissed. She said she's just hungry.

Our group consists of Ate Sheryl, May, Gladys, Kuya Norman, Ate Jonah, and yours truly. (Take note, nanlibre si Kuya Norman ng tinapay!) We ate as we worked. After a few hours, Gladys started cracking up jokes so we were all laughing so hard. We laughed at her stories, her expressions, and whatever else she comments. XD

I missed this. Reminiscing the past, I used to be a leader in Chemistry in 3rd year. Whenever there's a project, I always call for group meetings on weekends. Out of like 10 members, only 4 usually present: Kit, PJ, Arlo, and me. The rest of my group mates pitch in for the money used in materials or they do the reporting. We were a few but we became close coz of that. It was always fun doing projects at Kit's house.

This is the first time that every subject for the day (tomorrow), we have homework. For History, there's a quiz. For R. English, we have handouts to answer. For Biology, it's the DNA model that I'll have to report. For Biology Lab, we need to bring leaves again- of which I don't have. Damn.

Well, we didn't actually finish the thing but Gladys said she'd do something about it. I'm getting nervous for the report tomorrow. I went online to get more info about DNA but I couldn't resist the urge to make an entry.

I wonder when I'll get to sleep.. 2:00am, 3:00am maybe? Oh well, as long as I can function in class hours. (I'll need enough caffeine and sugar- it's an excuse to drink coffee, dude.)

"Do unto others what you would not want others to do unto to you."
~Confucious
Such a wise man, gotta love his teachings. They make so much sense.

By the way, The New Testament of the Bible seems.. educational. (Yes, I just realized that this afternoon coz I never really read a lot in The New Testament and I've stopped reading The Old T. years ago.) I like to read philosophical stuff. I think I'll do a bit of light reading. =)

damn flirts

2006-07-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

[entry edited]
I absolutely despise flirts.
It's a freakin' bad experience.
I hope it'll never happen to me again.
It's freakin' insulting.
They didn't even acknowledged I'm there.
Where's the respect in that?
I pretended not to see.

*was encouraged by friends to do the right thing*
I'm new at this.

By the way, it's fun firing at toy ducks especially if you win prizes. Imagine you're pissed at someone and you aim the gun at them and then fire away. Imagine all your anger in that single (pelet) bullet, released. When you see the thing fall, victory is yours.

If you love someone, show it. It will be sweeter than telling it. But you don't love that person anymore, say it. It will be better than showing it, right?

Hey guys, thanks for pointing out the wrong. It's funny how I don't realize that the situation's already bad until someone tells me it is. But then again, I have self-control. I'm thankful for that. I'm a bit calmed down now. *sigh* Well, I should be, right? Daijoubu. I can still hold on.

quiz on ReEd, meeting of Psy Org, no teachers, scary stories

2006-07-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

Today we had a quiz on ReEd. I went to school an hour early to study in the classroom. There was no class when I got there, odd. There should be a class around 1:00pm and then we're next. *shrugs* Oh whatever. Anyway, it seems like I enjoy the adrenaline of cramming to the last minute. But then again, I already studied last week so.. Heh..

Out of 30-item quiz, I'm stupid enough to get one mistake. Ok, well, it wasn't really that stupid actually, it's just that I didn't get to write that one on my notes so I didn't remember it. (Yeah, it's pretty much a shocker, I mean, I never had incomplete notes before. *sigh*)

Anyway, moving on. After ReEd, we attended the assembly of The Sebastinian Psychological Association. There were discussions about the election of officers. Yours truly is running for First Year Representative (Did I mention that already?). Basically what the position will do is announce meetings and do whatever the bosses need you to do.

I sure do hope that I'll win coz I really wanna be an active participant. Yes, I'm trying to change myself from a shy student to an active student. I wanna be in an org, I wanna make a difference. I wanna achieve change in people. I wanna take over the whole campus, then the world, and after that, the whole universe! Bwahaha! *ahem* Ok, that was exaggeration of course. Just mind the first and second one I said.

Oddly enough, after that we didn't have any more classes. The teachers didn't even go to our rooms. Maybe they were informed of the meeting but.. it ended like 5:15pm! So where's Dra. Giron (6:00) and Sir Geronimo (7:00)? Sir was teaching AB MC in the other room and May saw him. Some said that he dismissed the class early and then went outside. Why didn't he at least go to our room and inform us that he's not gonna be teaching? It's not like him.. Hmm.. Maybe it was some sort of emergency? But he could have someone tell us, right? *sigh* I worry too much.

How did we spend more than two hours of vacant time? Well, Raymond (the birthday boy), May, and I talked about Harry Potter book 5 and 6 coz I haven't read them both. Raymond said he'd let me borrow book 5. I'm getting excited now.

When we were waiting for Sir G., Ate Penny started telling us horror stories. Ellen and Gladys joined in. (Janina was texting away, bored.) Gladys actually tried to scare us, opening the door and hiding. It was really dark outside and we waited till it was like 7:45. I guess the girls enjoy telling scary stories especially when the mood was like that. I sure wasn't enjoying. But it was a nice bonding moment for us. Much like the one we had last Saturday at McDo.

La la.. laaa.. Wet, salty rice.. Eew.. haha being emotional makes me laugh dryly afterwards.. Let it all out.. laaah..

You know what you guys? Simple things in life makes it a little bit more enjoyable to live (or have a reason for living).. like annoying May..

May: "Pag ako napikon.."
me: "Ok, I'll wait."

talking about Harry Potter..

me: "Talaga? Dead na si Sirius Black? Nuuu! Pano na si Harry?"
May: "Eh la magagawa, ganun na eh!"
me: *not listening* "Hindi ito maaareee!"

and of course, knowing that you guys care.
Ate She: "Mia.. did you sleep?"
me: "Um.. yeah. Doesn't it look like I did?"

.....

me: "I did sleep! I swear!"

It makes me want a new camera really bad. What's the relation to this? I don't know either.

Why?

2006-07-02T11:18:00.000+08:00

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

I can feel I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?

I can feel I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

~Why; Avril Lavigne

I need answers..
Do you still remember..?
You promised me no matter what happens, I'm the one you love..
Please keep your promise coz I'll be waiting..

Fiesta de San Juan, soaked in the rain

2006-06-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

After lunch, Chamie told me she'd cancel the plans. It's something to do with her grandma. *sigh* I had a feeling already. This got me thinking. Usually when I think about something negative, it happens. I became aware of this when I was in high school. I'll think 'what if..' and then it happens. It's like I have high intuition or something. Cool.

I was watching YYH again (the Ankoku Bujutsukai saga to be precise) while finishing a drawing when it suddenly poured outside. Who'd thought it'll rain today? I certainly didn't. Nice going, San Juan.

I've got the strange urge to go outside and contemplate in the rain. What's up with depressed people? They think of the oddest ideas! (Haha) Excitedly, I told Tita Ellen about it. She became enthusiastic about it too. She said that the first pour is good. *shrugs* Dunno 'bout that but I really wanna get soaked. I mean, it's San Juan for heaven's sake! I should be with the people, enjoy being wet and shout a lot!

Kuya Eric and Ate Gina joined in my spontaneous idea. It was fun. We went to the other side of the road and got soaked. (The rain water's cold!) It was my first time. As random vehicles that pass by us, I turned my back. Someone might recognize me and think I'm a total weirdo. (But hey, it was my idea, right?) When the rain's getting to my eyes, I thought it's time to go inside now. I tend to get a bit frustrated when I get water in my eyes. It's irritating and I'm not used to it.

When we got back, I heard one of my favorite songs in elementary. It's Never Ever by All Saints. It kinda relates a bit to my situation (if you'll look at the lyrics). Heh..

I took a bath after that and decided to take the 1x1 pic for my library ID. (Ch' finally!) I got dressed, went to the nearest shop and then it was done.

San Juan, wet

2006-06-24T10:18:00.000+08:00

It's Fiesta de San Juan today. I'd like to call it "Basaan Day".

I woke up from Chamie's phone call. I recently put the ring volume on its highest so that when I'll hear it numerous times, it'll mean that Tita Elen's not around to get it, which will signify that I'm alone in the apartment.

Chamie asked me last night to go with her today to Robinson's Imus and maybe Lotus Mall for some cellphone accessory. She told me to eat there at their place. Sis, recall for a second where you live. I'll get hosed down there, you know.

"Then bring extra clothes," she suggested.

You mean I'll have to carry some wet clothes in the mall? If I leave it at her place, I'll have to stop over there before I go home, right? That would mean I'll need extra fare just to get it. And what's the assurance that we won't get wet after lunch when we'll travel?

"I don't have a raincoat."

In fact, I haven't used one since grade school. At my age, people use umbrellas. But it's not really a rainy day today, isn't it?

"Okay, I'll call you again later."

"Okay," I hanged up.

With my eyes half open, I went back to bed. I got up again despite my sleepiness, went to the kitchen and checked the clock. It's past 9am already. Yeah, like I'll get that chance to sleep again.

Groaning, I slumped back to bed. My senses became aware of the surroundings. (Normally, my attention span doesn't work when I don't have interest to know what's happening in the living world.) I could hear people outside, talking randomly. There were few splashing now and then. Vehicles pass by quickly which states that the road is free from traffic.

I begin to wonder where Tita Elen went. She didn't bother leaving a message on the fridge. I know her day off is tomorrow. Where could she be?

I wouldn't want to go outside so soon. Just a few seconds ago I heard a bunch of guys shouting over something. They probably got some water victims. Or they were the ones victimized.

Not that I care. At least they're having fun splashing people and getting wet too.

I've already had my share of wet moments for today. It happened twice already, today and yesterday actually. It happened hours after midnight. Yes, I've been having a series of mild insomnia. No, I'm not a bed wetter. No, I don't do midnight showers. And I certainly don't walk in the rain after midnight. Besides, there was no rain anyhow.

No, I wasn't actually soaked. What got wet are my pillow, my hands, and my cheeks.

It's over and done, but the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you
Tears on my pillow, wherever you go
Cry me river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me far apart
In the words of a broken heart.

It's just emotions takin' me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in a song
But if you don't come back, come home to me darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight?

~Emotion; Destiny's Child

RPE, I'll be waiting for the time when you'll finally get the courage to talk to me about it. It'll be soon I hope. Please face it and don't run away. I hope I won't have to wait forever. *sigh*

Happy Regada/San Juan, everyone.

More Than Words

2006-06-22T10:27:00.000+08:00

Sayin' I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show
Me how you feel

More than words
Is all you have to do
To make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
Coz I'd already know

~More Than Words; Extreme

If there's a will, there's a way.
Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, may dahilan.
The truth will set you free.
Honesty is the best policy.

You get the picture. Always remember this people. I need to stop this before I turn into a quote book. Man, I love that song.

trying to lighten up..

2006-06-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna try to lighten up even just for a bit. I've been problematic this week coz my someone's avoiding me (we need to talk, I need to make some things clear, my mind's tired thinking), my mom's mad (coz I told her lost my new glasses), and the fact that I don't have the appetite to eat or enjoy anything I do. Surprisingly though, despite my problems, I'm quite enthusiastic with school. *shrugs*

Whenever I'm depressed, I feel like my "dark side"'s taking over. By that I mean my sentimental dark side, not my dramatic-goth side(<- which is kinda dangerous). I dunno, I just feel like I want peace, I want to just sit in a dark corner and brood. But when I start thinking about him and the past and then what's happening now, I'll feel like crying. Then a friend will call, we'll talk. I'll get frustrated thinking about the dilemma again, trying to guess a rational explanation to his behavior. Damn it. I'm getting tired of this. I lost my appetite to eat anything (yes, even my favorite dishes and snacks) or do anything I used to.

He's supposed to come here today but before lunch he informed me that he's not ready to talk about it. Pare, you're the one who broke-up, you could at least give me your time to explain and answer the questions running through my head for the past 8 days! *sigh* I can't believe you're doing this. I've been waiting for this day coz it's vacant for you.

Today, I told myself I need to get out of this cycle. I won't try to be happy-- it's hard and it'll only remind me of why I need to try to be happy (get it?). *sigh* So I do things I used to do. I watched Yu Yu Hakusho, I drew, then I watched MTV for a while, as I eat Cream-O. (It's like I turned into a couch potato for a few hours!) I'm currently sitting here in front of my PC, turning up the speakers with my favorite songs-- something that felt like such a long time ago I do. It's so hard to move on when you don't want to move on in the first place! (WTF?)

I miss this feeling.. hanging around in the house, not worrying about homework or deadlines on submissions of projects or.. *gasp* OMG, I still need a copy of the 7 main prayers. We need that for Religion(Renewal of Christian Faith) tomorrow. I almost forgot. I gotta go search around Yahoo! *frown* Ronald, (besides the loads of promises you gave me) you promised to give me all the important prayers I need to know! Aaargh..

went to SM with May, bought The Wallflower vol5

2006-06-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

My new friend May went with me to SM coz I was planning to buy a planner/organizer. But when I saw The Wallflower vol5, I had doubts. Besides the fact that I only have enough money for a planner and a powder patter-thingy, it was really unexpected. I told myself I need something that could distract me from my present predicaments. Since I'm such a sucker for manga~s, I thought maybe I could enjoy that for a while. With the help of May, I bought that and a cute notebook. *sigh* What the heck-- I bought things that were not in my list and I didn't get to buy the ones I need to!

Synopsis for vol5:

Sunako Nakahara and her four handsome housemates are enjoying their glamorous lifestyle at her aunt's mansion-- until Sunako's father makes a surprise appearance. Having learned that Sunako is going out with Kyohei, he's flown all the way from Africa to investigate whether Kyohei is worthy of his precious daughter! Sunako vows to keep at least one secret from her prying father: her room full of horror-movie memorabilia. She urges him to leave immediately-- and peacefully. But will she be able to bid him a fond farewell before Kyohei is worn out by his tests and her blessed haven is discovered?

I made her a friendster account for R. English, it was required by Mr. Peralta. But she won't take R. Eng. this year so.. hmm.. oh well whatever. At least I got to do something worthwhile than mope for the whole day. *sigh* Life is so dull when you're heartbroken.

the first 4days in college

2006-06-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

It's been 4 days that I'm in college. The schedule's still irregular but it's starting to feel like home. We've been to the canteen (I'd like to call it a cafeteria. It sounds cooler that way. "Canteen"'s so elementary already.) and ate there twice. We can only go around when it's MWF coz we don't have vacant hour on TTH. Ch'..

By the way, "we" I meant are: Sheryl, Ellen (she's from Tirona High), Raymond (the only guy in our [regular] class[es]) (from St. Mary Magdalene School- where I studied 1st and 2nd grade), and me (duh). They're nice and aight. Sheryl and Elen are fun to be with. Raymond's shy and quiet but he's also nice. We know some people. Sometimes I wanna chat with him coz most of the time, he's alone. Being the only guy and all, he might feel OP. *shrugs* But I don't have that kind of uber-friendly attitude yet (though I'm working on it) so it'll take time till I warm up. I usually have the urge to talk to quiet people more than those who are really talkative. Maybe coz I know how they feel-- I used to be like that. They just need someone to warm up to them before they feel comfortable. *sigh* Time to improve my social skills.

If ever I'm in a bored and nerdy mood, I'd like to checkout the library. I love books. I swear, I might be a writer some day. It's always fun to learn about stuff you're interested in. And then there's this spot in the 4th floor of the other building that you get a nice view of the sea and other points in Cavite. Sr. Janabajab said it's nice to sit there and be sentimental. Hmm.. Heh.

I Will Be Here

2006-06-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
Cause I will be here

I will be here when you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
Cause I will be here

All I can do now is be here for you in case you need me..

the first day SY2006-2007

2006-06-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

It's the first day of school.. I made a friend. She's my seatmate. Her name's (ate)Sheryl. I was really early coz I was slightly excited (and nervous). She was got there first. We were worried there won't be many students in our class.

Sheryl: What if.. we're the only ones in psychology?
me: *laughs* So who gets to be Valedictorian?
both: *lol*

As class started, more students kept coming in. There were like 5 SAs(student assistants) and some other irregular students. As our teachers stated, "Since this class is so small, we'll get close."

I admit, what I felt today was nothing like the first day of classes back then. There was less tension and nervousness. I guess that's coz I know we're all in the same boat: don't know each other. (That's with the exemption of the SAs of course.) And the fact that I made a new friend and I have more confidence than when I was like.. 9 or something. Great. So much for the first day of school.

one lie is enough to break a trust
one sentence is enough to break a heart
one second is enough to lose a battle
one smile is enough to fall in love
one mistake is enough to lose a job
one touch is enough to heal a wounded hearrt
but whatever are pain whatever are struggles
one God is more than enough
(a text message from Vina)

solitary haven..

2006-06-12T14:21:00.000+08:00

It feels so good to take a bath. You're in a solitary haven where privacy is savored. No one will see you. No one will bother you. All you will hear is the water splashing in ever corner and the silence to contain yourself.

With every rush of water on your skin, with every part of your body soaped, you are cleansed. As you repeat this, you become lost in your thoughts. Your mind begins to wander beyond the room. Random thoughts flow in your mind. Random memories will be remembered. You recall different things.

Why is it that bittersweet memories always stay with you? Why can't you forget the scars of yesterday? Your tears will mix with the water on your face. It will drop as the water in your hair drips. It will flow to your quivering lips. You will taste the salty pain that resides in your mind and heart.

Girl, shutting your eyes won't stop the tears from flowing through your eyes. Shutting your eyes won't make you forget what happened in the past. Shutting yourself won't make you feel any better. Shutting yourself from the world won't change anything.

Thank the four walls of the bathroom. No one will hear you whimpering in pain. No one will hear your soft sobs of grief. No one will see your body shaking from these strong emotions. No one will feel sorry for you. No one will know what's happening in your solitary haven.

As you finish taking a bath, you wrapped yourself with a towel. You feel refreshed and new as you stepped outside to live your present life again. Someone might ask, "Hey, your eyes look red. What happened to you?"

You can sigh and pretend as long as no one knows, right?

"This? I just got shampoo in my eyes. It still stings a bit."

"Oh really? Wash it with water and the pain will go away after a few seconds."

If only heartbreaks are like shampoo in your eyes that could be washed away with water, I'll take a bath until the pain fades away and my eyes will no longer be red and swollen.

Me and my friends used to cry in the bathroom that's why we called the CR as the Crying Room. But this time, the corner of my room seemed to be taking the CR's part and the tissue's replaced by a favorite handkerchief.

do not take things for granted, do not miss chances

2006-06-09T10:47:00.000+08:00

We all went through with the lessons in life. Some are simple and the others might've been too rough but nonetheless these past few days I learned something very important that made me sit in the corner, thinking. Do not take people/things for granted.

Try and visualize this: Your loved one used to call you everyday and have dinner with you every night. It seemed to be a regular routine for both of you that sometimes you think less of each other. But now because of work, s/he rarely get together with you. In the past a text message from him/her makes you crack a small smile. But in your present situation, a simple text may worth a minute of smile and two teardrops. Get what I mean?

Simple things in life must be appreciated too.. because when time comes that your situations change.. you won't have to feel so regretful, ne?

Here are some messages I received from my friends (on text). They are good quotes:

The importance of something is seen when it's done. The worth of someone is realized when they're gone. It's always a mystery that we realize the essence when it's already a memory. (from Gladys)

The greatest mistake we made was the risk we didn't take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it! So that when time comes, you won't live your life asking, "What if..?" and telling yourself, "If only.." (from Roselle)

Don't be afraid to take chances even if it might get you hurt. Just be strong and take it coz you might miss that single chance that would change your life and make you really happy. (from Ronald)

The Wallflower vol3

2006-05-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

I was at National Bookstore again.. I'm sorry I couldn't contain myself. I'm addict-- I'm addicted to.. it!

Synopsis:

A fabulous foursome of gorgeous guys may live in a magnificent mansion for free, but only if they can turn Sunako, the horror-movie-obsessed, fashion-illiterate niece if the owner, into a proper lady. Oh, and did the aunt mention that Sunako needs to get good grades, too? Sunako must achieve an average above 80 percent, or the deal's off.

No problem! Sunako score high in all subjects-- except math, which she consistently fail miserably. Now the guys have to tutor their reluctant student through hours of course work, avoiding the pitfalls of her gruesome hobbies, explosive nosebleeds, and tendency to faint whenever anybody refers to her kiss with Kyohei. Math would be much easier without so much division.

I gotta have vol1.. Gotta have.. Gotta.. *drolls*

sale at Robinsons Imus,The Wallflower vol2

2006-05-19T19:36:00.000+08:00

We went to Robinsons after the dermatologist. It was the first day of sale, I think. It's a good thing that even at National Bookstore the products are sale. I got to buy The Wallflower [Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge] vol2 coz I couldn't take it anymore. XD I got lucky haha.. Here's the synopsis:

Four fabulous guys must completely transform a high school girl if they want to keep living rent-free in her aunt's luxurious mansion. But Sunako Nakahara, the most fashion-hopeless girl in Japan, would rather live like a hermit and watch her favorite horror movies than undergo a makeover.

When the guys stumble upon the mansion's secret subbasement, they discover the ghost of a prim and proper lady who (thankfully) begins to possess Sunako's soul. It seems their problem is solved. Too bad that Sunako's now-suitable personality includes a desire to lock the boys up in the mansion's dungeon.

Sounds pretty interesting, ne? The situation's like, they need to cooperate and help with each other because they're stuck living together. Sunako is being forced to change herself for the sake of the guys. It's against her will coz all she wants to do is live alone. It makes her happy being with her "dolls": Hiroshi-kun, Akira-kun, and Josephine. I can understand how it's been long that she's alone, I mean, she is a bit creepy (and no one wants to be around her either). So that's the conflict of the story. But the guys seem to be comfortable living with her. Sometimes they even tease her. I think it's cute. She's not rude and she respects other people's lives and helps them (in the case of Noi, there's something in it for her). That I think is very admirable despite herself.

Man, I wanna read more. Haha..

cancelled appointment ->went to SM Southmall, Comic City.. lotsa stuff

2006-05-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

We were supposed to go to the derma today for follow up report on my condition and to inform the doctor about the lip/tongue specialist's opinion. As it turned out, it was cancelled. My godfather who's supposed to take us there didn't come and then we didn't get to schedule an appointment due to phone malfunction and etc. Me and Tita Elen were ready after lunch and we got fed up waiting so I've decided to just make it like a free day para lang gumala. I wanna go to someplace new.

Southmall was first on the list, then SM Manila and SM Bacoor or Robinsons Imus. It was my first time to go to Southmall. (At first I thought it was SM Megamall.) The byahe was kinda long though but since I was so excited and I kept thinking about what stores they have there, my brain was occupied and so I didn't get that bored. ^^ Haha..

I didn't know they have skating rink there. It was a surprise for me as soon as we got in. There weren't a lot of people, not like in SM Bacoor probably coz there are other shopping venues nearby thus the crowd must've been split in fourths. National Bookstore was our first destination. (Isn't it always?) From the very entrance there was a whole display of recent New York Times Bestsellers and a poll chart. (Guess what's running on first?) Da Vincci Code seemed to shake the religious communities these part few weeks. Is it really that controversial? It makes me wanna watch the movie. I was plain curious.

When Rey came over unexpectedly a few days ago, we talked about watching it but Ronald said it's kinda.. "unwelcomed" for us Christians. He said there's a lot of contradicting theories of Christianity. I said that it's better to have an open mind with these subjects than just believing in one thing and lock yourself in that spot. This came from someone who's very much confused about religious stuff and scientifical evidence. *ahem* Sorry, I've been traumatized enough for that. I mean, sometimes I even stay up late just thinking about it or get depressed when I get even more confused on what to believe in. Sometimes I wish I were like those people who believe throughly with their religion. But then again it will be against my belief of criticizing and thinking about the other corners. *sigh* (Should I be a scientist?)

I'd like to believe in facts more because the truth is much more trustworthy. (Who would go against that?) But then because man is constantly trying to figure out mysteries in the world, they always crave for things they might not get any answers of. That scares me. It scares me to be thinking and putting myself in the middle just coz I'm uncomfortable in both sides. I remember what Storm said in the X-Men movie, "At least I've chosen a side." *sigh* Having these random thoughts constantly swarming in my head makes me puke.

Anyway, enough about the theories of what life came to be. I checked the price on the book (along with reading the synopsis of course) as if daring to buy it. But I didn't. But I have plans. Rey said he might be a bit more interested in reading it. (Who'd thought?) Haha..

I immediately searched for the manga section. (Yeah, if you'd call that a section. It doesn't even occupy like one-fourth of a shelf, dammit.) Nope, no GALS! here. I saw The Wallflower (Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge- Perfect Girl Revolution) again. The plot really interests me. *shrugs* One of these days, I'll buy one. *cackles*

OMG. There's Comic City in this mall. I rushed inside, acting like I'm not too excited. (I might scare people, joke.) They have a lot of soundtracks including Cardcaptor Sakura, Trigun, and even Yu Yu Hakusho. There's also a lot of buttons, collectibles, and posters. But what really raised my ureshii~ness was.. *deep breath* Something I've always wanted: Fushigi Yuugi dvd set2. The sign on the self says SALE: P800 / cd. If it includes 3cds.. Great. I need P2,400. -_- my hopes went down the drain. I'll add on my list: Cardcaptor Sakura(a change of heart ba ito?), Inu Yasha, Naruto and Full Moon Wo Sagashite (Searching For Full Moon). *sigh* I wonder when I'll get to buy all that. (Too bad they don't have the complete YYH dvds. I would certainly put that on top of my list.) Dvds are really great. Dual language, subtitles, and extras. Lots of epi in one disc. Oh yeah haha..

In the end, I only got to buy 3 button pins. 2 small ones: Sakura(?!) and Inu Yasha, and a bigger one of Vash. (Hope you like it, pare). Aside from those store, we also went in Blue Magic which is just across Comic City. They have a lot of trinkets, man! (Not to mention a whole load of random stuff toys.) A definite neon-colored sign outside that says: Girly Gift Shop. ^^

Papemelroti. Gosh, I miss this store. I bought some stuff and admired the artistic recycling. They're cool. After hours of walking around, we finally got to rest at Aunt Anne's. They've got pretzels! I missed eating those during recess at Jersey. In our cafeteria back then they only have the regular salted and buttered ones but there at Aunt Anne's there's a lot to choose from. Me and tita both got cinnamon (yum!) hehe. If only they sell this in our block, I'll probably go outside everyday. ^_~

*sigh* This must be.. my longest entry. =) Haha feels good to just rant. I haven't been online for so long!

I get to draw well again!, bad xerox copies

2006-05-16T20:11:00.000+08:00

Today, I was browsing my pics folders and saw some GALS! artwork. I remember that day when we went to Coastal Mall and I saw the GALS! manga vol1. *sigh* The artworks got to me and so I was driven the urge to draw again.

It's been so long since I drew. The last time wasn't much of a success either. Last year, my interest to draw slowly diminished coz I had a lot of things going on that I don't get to draw much and then gradually I totally forgot to. I guess I also lost my interest. Then a few months ago, I thought about drawing again. I was watching The Powerpuff Girls The Movie (the one I recorded on Cartoon Network when we had Cable a few years ago) that afternoon when I had the urge. Unfortunately, my hands are too dormant to function well, thus, the unsatisfied result. *sigh*

But this afternoon I felt different. I wasn't as frustrated as before and so I started working on it. I found my old drawings and got the inspiration from them as well as from the GALS! artwork. ^^ Fortunately, it went well. *relieved sigh* I thought I'd never go back to that nice state. It was a great feeling, really.. thinking back the old days when there's no day that I won't draw. I draw even on tissue-- that's how I was.

In the afternoon, I decided to photo copy/xerox my artworks. It's been such a long time since I gave a friend an artwork. I walked from our place hanggang sa kanto ng Noveleta. Sa Three Sisters ako nagpaxerox. It took longer than I expected. I also bought a sliding folder for my compilation of fanfics. As I was on my way home, I flipped through the photo copies and got pissed.

There were black spots of what looked like ink-- everywhere! It's like their machine turned bogus on me! (BTW, it's powder.) Since I'm not the type who complains to sales people, I let it go. Besides, I was so pissed and tired to go back. When I got home, I complained and complained about how my copies looked so damaged. That's when I started to calm down. It's not like there's anything I get to do with that, ne? I already paid for 'em. But still.. I'm pissed.

3rd monthsary.. ROMI

2006-05-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

It's our 3rd monthsary! There's nothing planned and stupid me didn't get to write a letter like I always do. I gotta make it up to him. Sorry, Ronald. I was preoccupied with everything that has happened-- but it doesn't mean that I forgot all about it (though I kept pretending it's not a special day or that I forget about it). But it kinda pissed me off that I didn't get to do it. Damn! What to write.. What to write?!

Ace came over to make up with Chamie and they're at the living room while me and Ronald, as usual, hanged around the comp room. Didn't I mention he likes to surprise people? Well, I remember one time he went to the kitchen, I think to get something to drink. I was sitting facing the monitor when I notice something dark above the CPU. It was a book.. The Purple Emperor (sequel to Faerie Wars)! And it's the hard cover copy! On top of that there's yellow envelope. Oh man, he wrote to me! It made me even more guilty. =( I'll have to make it up to him fast!

Thanks so much, pare. Now I've got another book to read. (It keeps on comin`! hehehe..) The piano of Have I Told You Lately is playing right now. It makes me reminisce Feb.14 ^__^ (3 months na ba talaga ang lumipas? Parang 5 months na ah! joke) If ever I get a midi file of this I'll put it up here.

Mom's departure, went to Coastal Mall.. new line of manga~s!, ChamiexAce misunderstanding

2006-05-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

It's Mom's day of departure. Grandma, Tita Elen, and sis Chamie got to come. (I really don't wanna elaborate the details). To make it short, it was raining (I heard there's a storm somewhere in the country), I'm a nervous wreck, and we didn't know where to eat lunch.

It was near lunchtime when we finally got away from NAIA. The nearest mall to go to is Coastal Mall. So we went there, dined at McDo, and complain about being dizzy. (Okay, that's just me and Chamie.) When we were almost done, I couldn't resist the National Bookstore on our side beckoning me. So I decided to just take a "peek" around the corner. I promised not to buy anything.

At the very corner of the entrance of the bookstore lies like a dozen mangas (published by Del Rey), some titles of which I haven't seen around at SM Bacoor. (It sucks living in the province-like suburb.) My day became brighter coz of that, I swear. When we were about to leave, I pulled Chamie and pointed the stocks. What excited me were two of the selections: GALS! and this other manga I haven't heard about: The Wallflower. I read the back cover and the story's interesting. (Well, for me, that is.) And so I had a vision of hope once again.. and of course, I kept praying that Mom's flight will be fine.

*****

Tonight, we're supposed to surprise Ace at PN since his group's gonna do a dance performance at Gng. Barangay. Ronald got to come with us which is good coz it's nighttime and I don't wanna wander off just like that. Besides, my mom would've never allowed us. Anyway, so it was raining and there were puddles everywhere. The ground we walked on wasn't exactly what I would call even. Thus, the disaster. *sigh* Well, it wasn't so bad, really. Chamie just misstep and well, she landed on her knee. So her pants were kinda wet. It wasn't part of the plan. What happened after that was a surprise for us.

We convinced Chamie to go to Ace's despite her feelings. We saw his mom earlier and she said some stuff that led into misunderstanding so Chamie got upset. When we got there, we found out that the group's dance performance was cancelled coz his mates weren't present, expecting that it was cancelled earlier and that they had no contact whatsoever. It kinda pissed me off a bit that his mates didn't even put up the effort of being there in case they will perform. And so Ace was pissed, Chamie was upset, I was worried about what happened, and Ronald.. *sigh* I dunno what he was thinking during those moments. He was sitting beside me as Ace was telling us what happened.

It was getting late and we had to be home, so Chamie asked if we could go, disregarding Ace's feelings (not-really proper goodbye~s). We hurried outside, bought some chicken for take-out, and then hurried home. Tita Elen was talking to Ace when we got home, saying how he's so worried that it's already late and we're not home yet. It was after dinner that Chamie got to talk to her boyfriend on the phone (she's staying for the night).

They were fine the next morning. *sigh* Since last year there had been a lot of drama between the two and they still manage to get back together. ^^ As they say, the hardships and challenges make their hearts strong. Or well, something like that. *shrugs* Haha..

went to the Derma for check-up

2006-05-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

Mom decided to make me check-up my lips. I have this sort of condition.. black spots on my lips. Sometimes it's dark. Mom's worried it might be some disease and I'm worried it might be *ahem* cancerous. As my dentist recommended, we (together with sis Chamie) went to her dermatologist at Imus. Since it's Thursday, there had been a conflict with our schedule. She's there at 5pm-- a mistake since we're there at like 2pm. To kill time, we went to Robinsons Mall. Mom had to buy rice cooker for Grandma and school shoes for me.

We went back to the derma after we're through. I found out that it might be this condition called Vitiligo or Mela-something (which involves our melanin and the sun) or hyper pigmentation. She said I should consult the EENT doctor if it concerns my EENT. She gave me her medication.

My condition doesn't really bother me though. When I was small, my lip problem is allergy. Whenever I eat something oily or salty, my lips start to itch and swell. But that's it. Then like 2 years ago these black spots came up. Now that there's already like a lot, my mom got worried. It's getting darker too. The appearance sometimes concerns me coz *ahem* it's not really a pretty sight. But it's not gross either. It's just.. weird. Haha! Oh well, gotta find out with the EENT.

went to SM.. bought glasses, studio pics with Mom and Grandma

2006-05-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

My grandma's teeth need to be checked out so we (me, Mom, Grandma, Tita Elen) went to the dentist. She said there wasn't much problems, it just needed a bit of cleaning. Our family's teeth are strong, man! Hehe..

Anyway, we went to SM afterwards and ate at Shakey's. It was so funny, we saw like 5 of our relatives passing by. My grandma and grandpa, then my grandpa's brother and his wife, then my godfather's sister, etc. It was so weird, like a rush of unexpected reunion of some sort.

My peach-framed glasses needs to be replaced. It's a bit bended from an experience in school.. Okay, I'll tell about it. I.. *sigh* I tripped.

No, it's not coz of stupidity, mind you. It was recess back then and my first time to hang-out by one of the trees at school. Rey, Ate Divine, and Chunny were there and a bunch of my other classmates. When I finished eating, I quickly turned around to go back to our "canteen" when all of a sudden my knee bumped into something hard and I found myself falling.. in heap of embarrassment. My skull and brain are uninjured, thanks to my fast reflex of leaning on my hands to stop the force of my whole body hitting the ground. I saw my glasses on the ground and it looked fine.. that is, until I put it on when we had class. It was then I found out a chip on one of the lenses and the bended frame. *sigh* Well, at least my friends get to laugh at me that morning.. -_-

Anyway! So we went to EO- Executive Optical and I got to pick a new frame. (Yay!) The lady who assisted us handed me this black one that looked a bit rectangular and I tried it on. It fits nicely according to her and my mom's opinion. The lady said it was one of the most popular styles they have. Popular as in a lot of people buy that kind of frame. I didn't let my mom buy it coz of that reason, I let her buy it coz she liked how it looked on me, and I must say, it's aight.

The optometrist checked my eyesight afterwards but she examined my old lens first. When she was done she told me that I still have the same grado (one is 200, the other 220 I think..). I guess that's better news than having her say that my eyesight got worse, ne? Though it would've been much better if she said it went down. But oh well.. *shrugs*

I requested for a group shot. Kameraworld was by the corner so less hassle finding it. I asked for the 3 posses so that I have a solo, me and Mom, and then the three of us.

We went straight to the Supermarket after the shots. *gets lazy typing* After we bought food, I went back to EO, got my glasses then went back to Kameraworld, got the pics, and we headed straight home.

About the pics.. well, my solo's fine, but my hair looked.. not in place where I want it.. *sigh* I just couldn't be satisfied with studio pics! You know, I can't make the photographer takes shots and then pick the best one.. It pissed me that he didn't even tell me my hair isn't much in order. -_-

Anyway! We got on a taxi since Grandma can't handle stepping on high.. grounds.. You get what I mean. But the ride home wasn't comfortable at all. Damn I got dizzy, man! As soon as I got home, I greeted the toilet bowl. You get what I mean. Which is one of the reasons why I couldn't go to far away schools. Too bad.. Ch`..

Ronald's Mom's bday.. fiesta Nov2006

2006-05-03T21:12:00.000+08:00

I'd just wanna greet Happy Birthday to Ronald's mom =D and Happy Fiesta sa mga taga-Noveleta. ^^ God bless you all!

went to SM.. bought a book: Faerie Wars

2006-05-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

Mom kept on yapping about how I must be at SM early coz of expected traffic. Truth be told, there wasn't. *sigh*

Anyway, my purpose was to buy a new book. I was so confused which to get. I wanted to try Valiant but I saw a featured book at the back, Tithe, and I wasn't sure if that's the second or the first book. If it was the first then it'll be such a bummer to read Valiant without, you know, really starting with the first. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the book Tithe.

The other book that I'm interested in that I forgot the title last time was called The Revenge of the Goblin.. Wait, was it Goblin or something King and Dark.. Goblin King..? Dark King..? Aaargh, there I go again, I forgot! Oh whatever.. it was something along those lines. Anyway, it's the first of the Grey Griffin's adventure book series. Both Valiant and that book were in hard cover. I asked if they have Valiant in paperback. Unfortunately, they don't.

My search for another option led me to this book called, The Purple Emperor. It turns out to be the sequel to Faerie Wars-- which happened to be available. Reading its cover led me to get interested in another fantasy, Artemis Fowl. It's pretty well-known and a New York Times Bestseller as was Faerie Wars. Another book caught my attention, it's called, Various. All of these books have something to do with magic, fantasy adventures, and creatures. In short, fiction/fantasy.

I thought I grew out of reading books with that kind when I started reading Cathy Hopkins' the Mates, Dates series. (It was very enjoyable to read.) But now I crave fantasy again. I hope the Harry Potter book series will end soon so that they'll make the second box set (which will consist of like 3 books if J.K. Rowling will end everything in book 7) soon for me to buy it hahaha..

Anyway, saan ako bumaksak? For the many times that I decide on a book then go to the counter and then go back to the aisle again.. *sigh* I've finally came up with the decision of buying.. Faerie Wars. I choose that coz it's in paperback and that book 2 is already available so if ever I got extra cash, I won't have to worry about when it'll be published or that if National Bookstore has it. ^^ Pretty reasonable, ne?

By the way, Happy New Month everybody!
Get well soon, Tita Nhora!

trip to Tagaytay with Mom and Lola..

2006-04-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

It was some sort of a peaceful reunion. Early in the morning, as planned, we picked up my grandmother (mother side) from our old residence. (Tito Toti, Tito Zaldo's father-in-law was the one who drove us coz Tito Zaldo's not available that time.) We didn't actually went in the house. Sa looban kasi ng pamilya namin un. Let's just say that a lot of things went on through the years and well.. they are not in such good terms.. that's putting it mildly. Not particularly a feud. More like a series of misunderstandings.. as I'd like to think so.. which is why there's only like 2 people when we got there- that's my grandma and my grandma's younger brother's wife, Tita Nadeth (she's nice and easy to get along with).

Mom and I got surprised to see my grandma again for so many years with no contact. (Long story really. Enough said.) She looked so different from before. I guess this was the result of aging and not being with her for so long (approximately 5 years). She looked weak (besides the fact that she recently got her hand bitten by a cat which resulted to an infection and that years ago she had a foot operation so she couldn't walk too well), frail, skinny, and umm.. how should I put this.. vunerable..? She let out an expression of disbelief and excitement. She kept saying I'm so tall now. Yeah it's true, I've grown a lot (and partly because I'm wearing heel~ed sandals that time XD).

I remember a few days ago before the trip that I get to talk to her for just a few minutes on the phone. She sounds the same though I swear her pitch is a lil higher this time. Anyway, she told me about how my cousin Kuya Rey's doing well in school now. He's top in class in Math and Language. I cried discreetly as she was talking. Afterwards I went in my room and cried. Hard. Don't laugh, I know it's pretty much like a disbelief, I mean, y`all think nothing much bothers me to get so overwhelmed to weep like a child. But then there are always secret times, you know. I bet everyone have their moments.

I was facing the wall, having no intention to let anyone know what I was doing. I kept telling myself that I have to stop before someone gets in. But my emotions got the best of me. I was sad about what happened years ago but I'm also happy that Kuya's alright and that my mom's getting involved with grandma Loli again. I guess it took me so long to contain myself that led Ronald to check up on me. Sorry you had to witness my drama, pare.

Ok, back to the trip. Me and Grandma were sitting behind Mom so you could imagine how my mother would've felt constantly looking behind while the vehicle's moving. Damn, if I was in her position, I would've experienced nausea greater than her. Anyway, from the front mirror I could see she was trying to hold herself together as she and granny was talking. But the glossiness of her eyes betrayed her hard voice and her I'm-not-bothered expression. *sigh* My mom, the softie. Then again, I'm like her too.

We stopped by Chowking in.. Dasma.. I think.. or Imus was it..? I forgot. We ate siopao coz me and Loli didn't have breakfast and were hungry. Afterwards, we headed straight to Tagaytay, the place with a disturbing memory for me. I bothers me somehow that whenever there's like a trip to a nice place or field trips it always ended up bad for me. There's always something that pisses me off or upsets me. The last time I came here with my friends, it was a mixture of excitement and worry. I'll just talk about the excitement part, no use recalling the bad past. I was excited coz it was my first trip not having any adult relatives with me who kept on dictating and.. you know, everything else, being adults they are. So it was fun. =)

Tagaytay Zoo is the place my friends and I didn't get to go to the time we went to Tagaytay which is why I got excited. (I swear if I have a better cam like Cannon I would've enjoyed taking pictures more. But then again, at least I have a cam, right? Oh well, I'll just save up then.) As my mom was paying, we saw this Shih Tzu dog in the guard's station just beside us. Being dog lovers that we were, we approached the canine and I took shots:

There was a mime in the entrance of the Zoo, looked cool. Would've dropped some coins for him if I had some with me. There were also parrots on the side. I forgot to get their names, too bad:

The first type of animals you get to see as you step inside are.. reptiles. I'm not fond of snakes but I'm not scared of them either (just as long as they don't have venom anymore and that they're trapped inside) but I swear.. looking at 'em fascinates me. The pattern of their "skin" is amazing, you'd have to imagine touching one:

This is an Indian Python

Albano Python

There were also some fishes and turtles inside. What startled me were the fake (must be rubber) crocodiles on the floor. I have shot of 'em on my cel. It was too dark to be seen on my cam. (I don't get why even with flash the shots look dim. Damn.)

Outside the "Reptile Room" (as I liked to call it) were some souvenir stuff. Walking some more, there's a restaurant for tired travelers and more cages of Indian Pythons and other small snakes. I couldn't get a decent shot of any kind of monkeys so I guess you'll have to settle with these:

Rhesus monkey

Don't worry, it's not a mutant gorilla about to take over the world..

The part I love most with Zoo~s is the cute animals you get to see! (Though in this place there's only like less than 5 I can name that you could qualify as "cute"..)

Her name's Julia.. Not yet a year old..

And on with the other animals..

It's called a Carroway..

The Brown Bear's looking depressed.. Awww..

The ostriches running around the cage.

No, not a camel, a Llama..

There was supposed to be a 5-legged Ox featured. This one had 4 legs.. so it might be the Ox at the back who's lying down. too bad I didn't get to capture the Believe It Or Not moment..

Not sure if they're lioness~es..

We ate lunch in the restaurant and as the time flew, the temperature rises.

Mom and Grandma..

me and Grandma..

We saw some tiger performance after we ate. Julia's younger sibling was so cute! Mom got to hold it for just like a minute or two (it can't play and jump around that much coz it just ate). I caught the moment on my cel coz my cam's lowbat (damn) and I couldn't find my extra battery earlier so.. Sayang di ba? Ang sarap nyang hawakan so much! The fur's like a cat's.. The face is uber cute..

We went to the Tagaytay Market before heading straight home. Mom bought some food for Grandma in her house. We dropped her off first. All in all, it was pretty much successful for a motherly reunion. =')

went to SM.. Ja Rule's album Exodus.. found Pocky!

2006-04-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

Ronald and I went to Baste para maasikaso na ang aking enrolment. We found out in the spot that they don't issue scholarship to honorable mentions. Damn, I was hoping I'll get like at least 20%.. Other schools offer me 75%.. 25%.. *sigh* Why? Why?! T_T

We went to SM late in the afternoon. We first went to National Bookstore to see if School Rumble 2 is available now. Well, it wasn't yet--just like it said.. I'll wait for May to come.. By the way, SR's not new and there's actually an anime of it already! I saw some screencaps and it looked fine. I hope I'll get my hands on some dvd of it... Dual language (if there's already English dub)... interviews.. the making.. and such. It'll be more fun watching than reading! I heard the music is good too.

I saw 2 books I wanted to buy.. but it's waaay over my budget. Besides the fact that I didn't bring extra money, my mom would kill me once she sees the price of "just a book". -_- It's around P560+.00 that's why. One of em is called Valiant and the other I forgot.. Both fantasy/fiction.. Both New York's Best Sellers.. I hope once I saved up I'll get to buy it. If college days will come.. my problem would be.. if I'll have time to read it. Heh..

My purpose to go to SM is: to look for Ashanti's album.. I saw it but it didn't have the remixes that I wanted. I've been wanting to hear Always On Time, Ain't It Funny, Mesmerize, Jenny From The Block, I'm Real remix, and All I Have for weeks. Funny thing is.. I found Always On Time, Ain't It Funny, and Mesmerize in Ja Rule's album Exodus! It was fortunate for me that I was searching for random cds I might like and I found it, and read it. ^^ Patience paid off.. Love dancing with beats like that.. ^^

By the way, Ronald found boxes of Pocky in the department store! How come he always seem to find Pocky at random places and I don't?! *blink, blink* Aw whatever! At least now I won't have to wait for the day that I'll step to Duty Free again.. Hahaha.. (There's only 2 flavors though... strawberry and chocolate..)

trip to Batangas.. Fiesta!

2006-04-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

It was fiesta in Batangas and one of my mom's good friends invited us. Mom, Tita Marlene, Ronald, and I jammed in the FX driven by Tito Zaldo. It was one heck of a road trip. Our bodies ached and our eyes longed for a shut. The trip was fun for a while since we're going through places we've never been before but after a while we became bored. I slept a few times along the way. Unfortunately the vehicle over-heated while we were in this erm.. road, I forgot what the name was. Anyway, we got out and hanged around under a tree along the road. There were also some other cars there. I guess they're also letting 'em rest. Tito Zaldo got some water from who-knows-where while we wait. Since I got my cam, I took my opportunity for some shots:

the road behind us..

FX parked on the side of the road..

pic trip haha..

Mom and some workers who were nearby.. why are they there?

Another hour got by and we made it. Tito Mario's house is great. The painting job looks nice and furniture was exquisite. I hope that someday when I'll have my own house, that it'll look as great as his. Too bad I didn't get to take a pic of it. There were a lot of guests there. We ate and they chatted.

Their old house, which they call their resthouse now, is very near the elementary school. We ate merienda there and talked about lots of stuff. Afterwards, we went back to the new house and mom greeted her other amiga. After another hour of talk, they finally bid goodbye.

We traveled again and I slept again. I was exhausted! We stopped by the Tagaytay market so Mom and Tita Marlene get to buy some fruits. We had merienda on the way home. When it got dark, mom decided to eat dinner in a restaurant. I forgot the name again.. I guess I didn't have much interest on such details, sorry. Anyway, we ate and went straight home.

*sigh* It's been a rough night and just so you know.. I'm typing this right now at 11:18am on May 2. I know, it's been late. ^^' I got lazy to type it! Besides, my mom wouldn't let me use the computer for days! (She said I should rest my eyes..)

went to Chamie's

2006-04-17T21:33:00.000+08:00

I went to sis Chamie's house today. We talked about a lot of stuff, reminiscing and at the same time, talking about the future. It was always fun hanging-out with her and I missed that. We used to fool around with the camera a lot but since we got busy, well, you know..

Sis, I hope we'll still get to hang-out even if we're loaded in college. I wouldn't want to miss you too much!

Shout-outs to Drix, Jeff, bro Rey, and Francis-- MISHUUU guys!

a visit to Lola Pura's

2006-04-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

Today, Mom and I went to Lola Pura's. We had lunch there and 98% of the time, I didn't talk. I just I'm not that type of person, if you know what I mean. She and mom kept on chatting while me and Lolo Naning are quiet.

For dessert, we had buko salad. After the first serving (which seemed like half of a tupperware), I was happy to finish it. But it was Grandma who was happier. In fact, it amused her so much, she made me eat the rest of the buko salad she made-- a whole tupperware of it! *sigh* It was a good thing I liked it.. ^^;

She lectured me about life and etc before I left. (I left before Mom did.) "Party", I said. Mom arrived home late in the afternoon already. I wasn't badly needed there anyway. It got kinda dull just sitting there listening to whatever they are talking about while not talking at all. Oh well, at least I got to visit again. It was the second time. The house and the garden looked magnificent as it was years ago..

I got to hang-out with Ronald after the visit. <3 I missed him all day.. but then he and his friends have plans later in the evening so..

2nd monthsary, the mystery unraveled

2006-04-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

It's Good Friday. Dahil sa mga prosesyons, we can't go out. The roads will be blocked and there will be traffic. The restaurants are closed (even malls!). So how will a monthsary be celebrated?

Ronald came in the afternoon. We hang around with the PC for a while then a delivery came (Ate Gina brought it<- she knew about it this whole time!). It was a whole bouquet this time.

"What the heck--?!" I exclaimed. This can only mean one thing. And it was then I saw the envelope. The sticker said, "It's Me" and there's a silver bracelet inside.

As promised, I hit him with the bouquet. =P

We spent the night together with Tita and Mom. We watched The Wishing Stairs. Mom commented it wasn't that scary for a horror film. She watched plenty of more horrible ones. *sigh* I haven't seen anything in that level and I don't intend to in the future.

Well, it was fun but 60% not-so-surprising. I had a feeling it was him anyway. It just goes to show how imaginative you are, Ronald. Thanks for everything. ^^ *hugs*

hair-cut, house and lot search

2006-04-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

I had a hair cut a few days ago at F Salon.. (Just added side layers and cut some bangs..) Ronald and Tita were with me. Mom was at the hospital for her operation. After everything was done, we went to Karenville and then to Canacao(or something) to look for house and lot. She's been trying to find a more suitable place for me to live in. She doesn't want any house near the road coz she hates dust. (She's a neat freak.) It's also bad for my condition-- I'm allergic to dust, smoke, and fur(<- not that much anymore).

I want to live in a subdivision near the road so that it won't be a hassle, you know, waiting for a tricycle in the heat. It would've been cool to live in Remelville but the house we were about to check out got sold already. Damn, I was hoping for that coz it'll be near the market. We'll just have to walk. I also heard there's a park in there. I would love to hang-out in the park if ever I'll be bored at home. It also looks like a nice place to take a morning jog if ever I have time in the morning.

Oh well, wherever I'll be living in the future, I hope it's somewhere near my friends and loved ones, and of course the market and school.

Nga pla, special shout-out:
Happy Monthsary kina Aica at Andrew!

Went to the Dentist's, SM-- grocery, new manga!

2006-04-11T22:17:00.000+08:00

Mom made us an appointment to the dentist's. Early morning we went to Mrs. Cherry Antonio's, our family dentist. She's the one responsible for taking 2 of my teeth off (I pulled the others on my own haha) and cleaning them once in a while. She's also the reason why I wanted to be a dentist since I was little. But recently when my mom got to talk to her about me might wanting to take dentistry, well, she said I should be ready to take anatomy. *sigh* In that subject, we will have to study on corpses. *shivers* No way. Since then, the thought of becoming a dentist was gone with the wind. Honestly, I don't want to take medical courses and anything about law. I don't want to spend the rest of my days in the hospital seeing people in agony, patients in pain, open wounds, pointed needles, or even the smell of the doctor's medical gloves. *shivers again*

Anyway, I was the first to get my teeth cleaned. I still have healthy teeth according to her. ^^ Good news, nothing changed. She also said that people must make use of the dental floss often like after eating and before going to sleep coz brushing isn't enough.

We(Mom, Ronald, Tita Nhora, and I) went to SM afterwards and dined at Kenny Rogers. We saw my grandma's eldest sister there and her husband. She invited us for dinner on Easter. ^^ I get to see her magnificent house again.

After lunch, Mom and Tita went to the ground floor for grocery while Ronald and I were asked to do an errand-- go to a photo shop and "duplicate" my graduation pic.

By the way, I get to buy a new manga. It's called, School Rumble by a new manga artist Jin Kobayashi. The artwork is cute (The protagonist Tsukamoto Tenma looked a lot like Honda Tohru.), the plot was typical highschool romance-comedy, and the characters were lovable. Volume 2 will be up next month. I'm looking forward to it. ^^ (Wheee a new manga to get hooked on!)

mystery with roses

2006-04-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

I've been receiving roses since March 31 everyday. Always a single red rose with a letter that goes with it. My neighbors and sometimes Tita gets it from random people who were asked to give it to me. The letters contain love poems and surprisingly, it stated a connection with me ("..the love we share.." What's up with that?). The first time I got one I thought it's like a joke coz the next day's April Fools Day so there's gotta be something about it, right? But then after like 3 more days, I started thinking, what if this is serious? I mean, the poems seem serious.

The intriguing thing is-- who is the mystery person who's been giving me these? I've been naming guys that might have something to do with it, a clue at least but I couldn't help but think... No, he won't do something like this! Or... He's not the type who would do this, but hmm... *sigh* I've been forcing Ronald to admit it but he won't! He even said that it's cheap and that if he'd give me roses then it would be in an specific color and a dozen. I don't know if he's just throwing us off with comments like that. (I even threatened him that once he admit that he's the one doing these things then I'll hit him with every piece of rose I got.)

Well, guys. If anyone want to guess or if you have a clue whatsoever, you know how to contact me. In the meantime, I'm stressing about what course to take at San Sebastian College. My mom wanted me to study there coz it's near our place, you know, less everyday-hassle shindig. *shrugs* Reasonable enough I guess. At least I'll have more sleep that way, ne? ^^

Mom came, Duty Free-- Pocky!

2006-04-04T23:12:00.000+08:00

Around noon, me, Tita, and Ronald were prepared to go to the airport. Tito Zaldo was with us; he drove us there and then back. We waited for mom to appear along with the rest of the crowd. She came after a while, looking a bit tired. She told us that that was the worst flight she ever had in her life. Their plane collided with another and they were in a life-and-death situation. *sigh* Thank goodness nothing bad happened. I swear, I might lose my mind.

We went to Duty Free right away. Mom wanted to come home early. We got lots of chocolates but surprisingly, no Toblerone. (Nagsawa na yata ako haha..) I missed eating Lindt and Milano so I got some of those. We were going around the top floor looking for Pocky. Last time I checked it was there among the snacks corner but alas, there was none anymore. One of the guys suggested we look at the grocery.

In the grocery, I got Honey Nut Chex (one of my fav cereals.. too bad there's no Lucky Charms! I want those!), a big box of Mrs. Fields cookies (my fav cookies- 60% more it says, yayness!), and at last.. Pocky! It's a pity I only get to eat those whenever I get to step at Duty Free. Hmm... I wonder if they have it at the malls in Manila.. Anyway, I got to try the Milk and Chocolate flavor this time. (There's usually Strawberry and Cappuccino.. or is it Mocca..? I forgot *shrugs*.) ^___^

I'm happy I got to buy those snacks but the best thing was-- Mom came safe and sound.

grad pics..

2006-04-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

Well, here are the Graduation pics just as I promised. The lighting on some are awful, I apologize. We were like in the dark coz of the shade...

Ate Divine and me

Gladys and me

Verlyn and me

me, Rey, and Ate Divine

me, Andrew, and Aica

Vincent, me, Antonette, Joel, and Kit

I didn't get to take much pics coz of all the commotions.. too bad.. pero ok lang..

class outing at Las Palmas..

2006-04-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

Ronald, Chamie, Ace, Rey, and Joel came over in the morning. We agreed to go to Salinas Park together to meet up with the rest of Gold and Sir Yolangco for our class outing/trip. I was supposed to meet up with Ate Divine and Vincent sa kanto ng papuntang Salinas but I found out that they already left coz we were kinda late around that time.

In the bus on the way, I found out that I forgot to bring my shorts. Baka da ne? So when we got to the park, I asked Roselle to come with me to the market coz she suggested that we could buy cheap shorts there. After a while, I finally decided to get a pink one (what else color will I get?). We got back, waited for a few more minutes, and then took off. Me, Ronald, Rey, Chamie, and Ace got on the tricycle and followed Sr. We spent time there at his place, checked out the beach resort (Las Palmas), went back, then ate lunch.

We went to the beach after lunch. I persuaded Ronald into walking with me by the seashore. (It's romantic, like in the movies!) After wading back and forth (the water came up to our knees), we decided to hang-out with Chamie and Ace who were sitting on the sand. Chamie asked me to help her stand up, but just as I grabbed her hands to pull her up, she pulled me down! The force threw me into the water. The hope of not getting my top went down the drain (mind the pun). Ronald also got wet from all the splashing of water. It was unfortunate for him coz he purposely didn't bring any extra clothes since he had no plan to swim.

Since we were already wet (thanks to sis Chamie), I decided to just look at the bright side and make the most of it. (It was a good thing that before we got splashed, I already changed into my shorts.) We put on sun block and swam around the ocean. Occasionally, Vincent and Marceline scream whenever they see a floating jellyfish. Jayson and the others naman nagtrip: they caught jellyfishes and then cut them into pieces and placed them in a plastic cup. *shakes her head* Everyone gets to be weird sometimes. We have our moments, ne?

It got dark before we got home. Ronald's clothes were still a bit wet when we were traveling which is why he's kinda cold in the bus. I got to sleep during travel, got tired a bit I guess..

I hope Chamie, Ace, and bro Rey get to come home soon. Chamie's folks will be worried if she didn't..

Oh well, I enjoyed the outing. Mga masamang nangyari lamang ay: kasama yung mga two-faced plastic people, I got 3 itchy spots on my body (one at my back and two on my leg), and worst of all-- I got dark! Waaahh.. I hope I'll get back to my old complexion..

Nga pla..

Happy April Fools Day!

Weird, no one played a trick/joke on anyone and not one mischievious thing happened.. (Okay, well, just the fact that I got another rose with a message. Aside from that, nothing.. The spirit of the day went unnoticed.. or so it seemed.)

Graduation Day

2006-03-29T17:42:00.000+08:00

Graduation went well as I hoped. Tita did my hair the night before. I wrapped a towel on it so it won't get separated as I sleep. I slept late as always, really excited for tomorrow. I got up at around 5am, thinking it would've been better that they set up the graduation in the afternoon so we won't get sleepy on speeches. I got ready and after a few hours, we (me and Tita) went to McDo Noveleta to pick-up my grandmother (She was with my malayong cousin). We headed straight for school.

Ate Divine choked up tears as she delivered her speech, her voice cracked at the end. My classmates were like, "Ate! Don't do that, you're making us cry! Nakakahawa kaya!" Laurence's speech was emotional. A lot of parents and students cried (I admit, I was one of them... I missed my mom! I wished she was there!) as she was proudly introducing her mom and telling about the things that she went through, stuff like that. The teachers noted that it's been a long time since they had an emotional graduation like this. Even Mrs. Mendoza shed a tear!

Well, to conclude, it was a success. I guess the only thing that bothered me was that I didn't get to deliver the Pledge of Loyalty that great-- I read from the invitation. I kept thinking that I would black-out if I get nervous on stage and I don't wanna be embarrassed like that! I memorized it well but you know how nervousness can get to yah.. So.. Hrrm..

After the whole ceremony, I went around school, graduating my friends and others. By the time I found Roselle, I was glad thinking that I'm more happy than emotionally sad. Un nga lang, when I congratulated her and asked for a hug, she laughed and said, "Umiyak ka muna!" I thought, alright, if that's your request, I'll show yah how I can act. But after a few seconds of acting/trying to force myself to at least give her a teardrop, a thought suddenly came to me. What if days after this I'll miss them? What if even though I wanted to see them, I wouldn't be able to? Is this the last memory/moment I'll ever have with them?

The acting turned to reality and much more.

Yeah, I cried. Tears of joy, sadness and hope all at the same time. *shrugs* I got caught up in the moment of saying goodbyes. Me and Francis finally got to talk to each other. It felt great. Both of us wanted to make-up and so we did. After picture-taking with Rey, I asked if I could go to the other side of the school and see if there are still people there. Ronald went along with me. We passed by empty classrooms, silent corners filled with loud and happy memories of the school days.

We stood in front of III- Ilang-Ilang classroom. I peeked inside, smiled and said, "Well, it all began and happened here."

"It sure did," he replied.

We ate at McDo afterwards for lunch. Ronald had to come back to school coz of his clearance and etc. It was a good news that he caught up with my Grad ceremony-- to the time I was delivering the Pledge. So all's nice. Me and Tita came home tired. My godfather came over for a quick stop, giving me a cake and a gift.

*sigh* With all that happened, every laughter shared, every moments tasted, every hardships conquered. This is all I have to say:
CONGRATULATIONS GOLD! WE MADE IT!
Good luck in college, to all of you.

4th yr Retreat and Grad practice

2006-03-24T21:52:00.000+08:00

It was my first day to attend the graduation practice. I didn't get to go yesterday coz I had to do my math graphs. A lot of students were there at the Main. It was really sunny in the morning, it was a good thing though that there was a covered court so at least we won't be standing under the heat of the rays.

Good news: I got a part for the graduation day. I get to do the Pledge of Loyalty. Yay..

In the afternoon, we went to the Holy Cross church for our short Retreat/Recollection. We were divided by sections and then by 5 groups of 10s and 11s. I was in group5 and voted leader. We were given a sheet of paper with a verse from the Bible and there were 3 questions at the bottom which we all should answer. We combined our opinions and shared thoughts and experiences.

It was a bit surprising that only one student cried through the whole sharing thing. Well, I guess that's fairly reasonable since our Retreat was so brief that we really didn't have much time to talk about dramatic things in life. Though it would be enjoyable if we did have a lot of time coz that way, I'll get to watch my classmates cry their eyes out for the last time..

my ranking..

2006-03-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

I only have to worry about my eng research paper now. We have been ranked. As much as I wanted to be Valedictorian, well, I'm just 1st honorable mention. The ranking goes:

1. Alvarez, Laurence
2. Dacera, Divina
3. [yours truly]
4. Vasquez, Roselle
5. Rama, Christopher
6. Faigao, Dianne
7. Filipino, Haydee
8. Olivo, Chunnyfer
9. Legado, Gladys
10. Taghap, Allendyl

Surprisingly this time, a male entered the top 10. Great accomplishment Toph. I guess it's better this way that I'm 3rd coz Ate Divine needed the scholarship more than I do. I'm glad that she got to 2nd place. Keep up the good work, Ate!

I know I couldn't possibly be Valedictorian since Laurence's grades were really steady since 1st grading so.. *sigh* Oh well, at least I made it! I'm so happy and proud of myself.

Coz of Iggy's annoying attitude problem (hyperactiveness to the point of over-acting), the wacky shot of our class picture didn't go well for me. (I was pissed.. He irritated me.) But fortunately I didn't look so embarassing as I expected-- my face was covered by my hands. Phew. I wouldn't want my batch mates staring at my picture and remembering me with some kind of a freaky pose or expression. ^^; That would be traumatic.

No classes tomorrow. There's this holiday I'm not so interested in finding out what. But it's good that there's no classes tomorrow-- not that there's still classes.. But you know what I mean, like rehearsals and such. I need to finish my research paper but I'm too lazy to do it, I swear. Ate will come here tomorrow morning to do requirements as well as let Rey type her research paper since she's not a fast typer. I would volunteer to type for her but I've got my own paper to work on so.. Yeah. I hope we accomplish everything tomorrow.

requirements update

2006-03-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

Okay, let's see.. I spent the last few days in agony of the requirements. Some days I get to sleep in the afternoon after school when I feel so weak. I always do "shut-eyes" during math and it was getting quite annoying for me since I need to stay awake during trigo! It's not coz my grade in math is that bad, I mean, it's fairly high I guess, but I just couldn't bear how my teachers witness my lack of sleep and the paleness of my face (not to mention my sleepy expressions).

So anyway, even though I get to rest in the afternoons, that doesn't mean it's a happy ending-day for me. Nope. I had to stay up till like 2am. Around that time I get to sleep again. Of course, daily dose of caffeine also helped. It's bad to drink coffee everyday-- I know. I don't usually do it.. just these last few days coz I need to stay up. Don't worry, I won't be addicted or dependent. I know better than that.

Gotta end this. I just stopped by (in the middle of working on my AP module) to at least post something... Sr. Yolangco already gave us our sched for next week. It's gonna be a bit busy. I got my Graduation "portrait pic" and.. I don't look like me. *sigh*

Well, I've got to go back. I hope I get to finish this today coz I'm not gonna go to school today. It's not like we've got important things to do there. Actually, I could've done something better at home than being there with nothing to do but wait for the teachers who at times do come but just to check submitted requirements. *sigh* Anyway, good luck working on yours, guys. I'm getting sleepy na.. This is bad.. Hmmm..