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| Monday, December 25, 2006 |
Christmas this year was.. like an ordinary day. So what else is new? When I was young (elementary), Christmas was the opportunity for me to get more Polly Pocket toys from Dad, and me and Mom would wake up really early just to attend mass. The other Christmas~es were.. just like any other day I could forget.
The one Christmas that I wouldn't/couldn't forget was in the year 2001. I was greatly (though subtlely) humiliated by a family member. Being the quiet Mia as I once were, well, I just sucked up the subtle insult and gulped enough to keep myself from spilling those salty water. After the event, when the guests finally left, my mother and I went up to our room and I wept bitterly.
It was the most horrible Christmas ever.
If I was really a disrespectful child as he claimed that I was, I would've lost it and cursed him as loudly as I could. What happened was like a light slap on the face-- on both cheeks. I was too surprised to think of anything else to react. Sitting here right now, I wonder how things could've been if I was truly a problem child. It's a good thing for them that I was a scared, weak, hopeless, and extremely troubled girl. Maybe I should've been a rebel. That way, his lies wouldn't be lies and it'll be like I did him a favor.
Ganito kasi yon: Lumaki ako na kasama lang ang nanay ko at aso ko. Hindi ako sanay mag-mano. Isn't that fairly understandable? Nagkataon na gusto ng tito ko na nag-mamano sa kanya kung sino mang mga bata. I am an obedient child by nature. (Especially to those whom I'm not close with..) Simula noon sinunod ko sya. Lagi na ako nag-mamano. Aba, nalaman ko na lang na tinawag akong plastic. Ano ba yon? Saan ako lulugar? Sinusunod ko naman sya! Truth be told, he's the one who disrespects me. The way he gestures his hands naku.. Kung hindi ka ba naman masasaktan/mapapahiya. And he doesn't even look at me while doing it. If he was so disgusted eh di sana di na lang nya ipagawa yun sa akin di ba? Sino na ang plastic, aver?
Anyway, Christmas Eve came. His wife's relatives visited and there was this little kid, my cousins' cousin, na laging nag-mamano. Eh di itong tito ko ay tuwa sa kanya. He gave the child money(kinda like a present in a way I guess) and declared to all that the ones he gives money to are the ones who are respectful to him o yung mga nag-mamano. (So the money was like prize.) Then, he proceeded to give cash to the other cousins of my cousins.
I'd like to point this out: Children are naive and they'd do what people tell them to do while not understanding it or questioning why. In other words: Sila ay uto-uto.
A fact: The other teens there were.. let's just say that I really am a good-natured, quiet and behaved type. (I'm honest too. No, I do not boast.) The one who studies hard and not impulsive. The typical mahinhing dalaga. And those two were the opposites of me.
Dude, you know what? I don't give a damn about the money. My concern was that: Why wasn't I mentioned when all the while I obeyed him as in nag-mamano ako kahit na nanginginig ako everytime I do it at ang bastos pa ng hand reaction nya? Sa lahat ng teens present doon, ako lang ang hindi binanggit. Ang sarili nyang dugo. Ang may full effort. I was singled out. How humiliating was that?! He intentionally humiliated me. He must've thought I would learn from "my mistake". That's his POV. Maybe I did made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have put any effort in making someone like him appreciate me when all the while my efforts drowned in the sea of nothingness. (I assure you, that wasn't the only time my efforts went useless.) Yes, I was too stupid back then. I regret not being a rebel.
Labels: event(s), family, melancholy, pissed, reminiscing the past, thoughts
| Sunday, December 24, 2006 |
I packed my bags and slept over at Lola's in Kawit. She requested ahead of time (as in months before!) that I'll go to church with her. Lola Jessie's daughter, Tita Pauline, was there. We haven't seen each other in years. She's pretty. I like her hairstyle (it's exactly the one I want). Her daughter "Ichu" was also in town, but I didn't get to meet her. Suddenly I had flashbacks of my childhood. (It wasn't very enjoyable..)
I had a cold a few days ago and I'm on the verge of being cured. In the atmosphere and situation that I'm about to tell made me feel ill again but I endured it. I was so sleepy and a bit weary too, I guess, around 9pm and we were at St. Mary Magdalene church. We were standing coz there's no seat left. It was so unfortunate for me that around that time, flatulence attacked me. Imagine this: it's cool outside, you go in the church. It's packed with people so you'll have to stand for like 3 hours till mass, dizzy coz of sleepiness, tired coz of your heels, sweating cold bullets amongst the crowd, and the flatulence attack. All I can do was complain. From time to time, I kept telling my Grandma that I might pass out or just fall sleep. It was a hard experience, really.
I know it's kinda bad to complain considering the place where I was at and I'm sorry, but it was all I could do to lessen my dismal state. Besides, I wasn't complaining about the event, rather my current situation. Perhaps it was really wrong to wear heels at that time but who was I to know that the place was heavily crowded? Years ago when I was a child, my mother and I attend mass early morning exactly on the 25th. Which was why I had no stint of idea that we should've went to church 4 hours earlier than the said time of the mass just to save my lassitude body.
Nevertheless, I withstood the pain during the event, with the occassional sit-and-shut-eyes of which I think was a big help in momentary survival. Dramatic as I seem to write, it was really..er.. bad. Oh well. All's well that ends well, as they say, and thus I was happy. It's been years since I went to church with Lola anyway.
Labels: event(s), family, thoughts
| Tuesday, December 05, 2006 |
Yo, it's been so long huh? I just dropped by to greet my mother and father a very Happy Birthday!!! They're both not with me at the moment and yeah it's sad but life goes on. =)
Mom departed yesterday at 2am so she's probably at London right about now. *sigh* Her birthday is today while Dad's bday was yesterday. Hope you guys enjoyed it. TC always.
Btw, We'll have our phone line on Globe since PLDT takes so long. *sigh* Hopefully I'll have internet connection by the end of this month. =D
Till then, peace y`all!
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