|
|
|
|
| Saturday, June 24, 2006 |
After lunch, Chamie told me she'd cancel the plans. It's something to do with her grandma. *sigh* I had a feeling already. This got me thinking. Usually when I think about something negative, it happens. I became aware of this when I was in high school. I'll think 'what if..' and then it happens. It's like I have high intuition or something. Cool.
I was watching YYH again (the Ankoku Bujutsukai saga to be precise) while finishing a drawing when it suddenly poured outside. Who'd thought it'll rain today? I certainly didn't. Nice going, San Juan.
I've got the strange urge to go outside and contemplate in the rain. What's up with depressed people? They think of the oddest ideas! (Haha) Excitedly, I told Tita Ellen about it. She became enthusiastic about it too. She said that the first pour is good. *shrugs* Dunno 'bout that but I really wanna get soaked. I mean, it's San Juan for heaven's sake! I should be with the people, enjoy being wet and shout a lot!
Kuya Eric and Ate Gina joined in my spontaneous idea. It was fun. We went to the other side of the road and got soaked. (The rain water's cold!) It was my first time. As random vehicles that pass by us, I turned my back. Someone might recognize me and think I'm a total weirdo. (But hey, it was my idea, right?) When the rain's getting to my eyes, I thought it's time to go inside now. I tend to get a bit frustrated when I get water in my eyes. It's irritating and I'm not used to it.
When we got back, I heard one of my favorite songs in elementary. It's Never Ever by All Saints. It kinda relates a bit to my situation (if you'll look at the lyrics). Heh..
I took a bath after that and decided to take the 1x1 pic for my library ID. (Ch' finally!) I got dressed, went to the nearest shop and then it was done.
It's Fiesta de San Juan today. I'd like to call it "Basaan Day".
I woke up from Chamie's phone call. I recently put the ring volume on its highest so that when I'll hear it numerous times, it'll mean that Tita Elen's not around to get it, which will signify that I'm alone in the apartment.
Chamie asked me last night to go with her today to Robinson's Imus and maybe Lotus Mall for some cellphone accessory. She told me to eat there at their place. Sis, recall for a second where you live. I'll get hosed down there, you know.
"Then bring extra clothes," she suggested.
You mean I'll have to carry some wet clothes in the mall? If I leave it at her place, I'll have to stop over there before I go home, right? That would mean I'll need extra fare just to get it. And what's the assurance that we won't get wet after lunch when we'll travel?
"I don't have a raincoat."
In fact, I haven't used one since grade school. At my age, people use umbrellas. But it's not really a rainy day today, isn't it?
"Okay, I'll call you again later."
"Okay," I hanged up.
With my eyes half open, I went back to bed. I got up again despite my sleepiness, went to the kitchen and checked the clock. It's past 9am already. Yeah, like I'll get that chance to sleep again.
Groaning, I slumped back to bed. My senses became aware of the surroundings. (Normally, my attention span doesn't work when I don't have interest to know what's happening in the living world.) I could hear people outside, talking randomly. There were few splashing now and then. Vehicles pass by quickly which states that the road is free from traffic.
I begin to wonder where Tita Elen went. She didn't bother leaving a message on the fridge. I know her day off is tomorrow. Where could she be?
I wouldn't want to go outside so soon. Just a few seconds ago I heard a bunch of guys shouting over something. They probably got some water victims. Or they were the ones victimized.
Not that I care. At least they're having fun splashing people and getting wet too.
I've already had my share of wet moments for today. It happened twice already, today and yesterday actually. It happened hours after midnight. Yes, I've been having a series of mild insomnia. No, I'm not a bed wetter. No, I don't do midnight showers. And I certainly don't walk in the rain after midnight. Besides, there was no rain anyhow.
No, I wasn't actually soaked. What got wet are my pillow, my hands, and my cheeks.
It's over and done, but the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight?
And where are you now, now that I need you
Tears on my pillow, wherever you go
Cry me river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me far apart
In the words of a broken heart.
It's just emotions takin' me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in a song
But if you don't come back, come home to me darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight?
~Emotion; Destiny's Child
Labels: event(s), friend(s), love, melancholy, song(s)
| Thursday, June 22, 2006 |
Sayin' I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show
Me how you feel
More than words
Is all you have to do
To make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
Coz I'd already know
~More Than Words; Extreme
Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)
| Sunday, June 18, 2006 |
I'm gonna try to lighten up even just for a bit. I've been problematic this week coz my someone's avoiding me (we need to talk, I need to make some things clear, my mind's tired thinking), my mom's mad (coz I told her lost my new glasses), and the fact that I don't have the appetite to eat or enjoy anything I do. Surprisingly though, despite my problems, I'm quite enthusiastic with school. *shrugs*
Whenever I'm depressed, I feel like my "dark side"'s taking over. By that I mean my sentimental dark side, not my dramatic-goth side(<- which is kinda dangerous). I dunno, I just feel like I want peace, I want to just sit in a dark corner and brood. But when I start thinking about him and the past and then what's happening now, I'll feel like crying. Then a friend will call, we'll talk. I'll get frustrated thinking about the dilemma again, trying to guess a rational explanation to his behavior. Damn it. I'm getting tired of this. I lost my appetite to eat anything (yes, even my favorite dishes and snacks) or do anything I used to.
He's supposed to come here today but before lunch he informed me that he's not ready to talk about it. Pare, you're the one who broke-up, you could at least give me your time to explain and answer the questions running through my head for the past 8 days! *sigh* I can't believe you're doing this. I've been waiting for this day coz it's vacant for you.
Today, I told myself I need to get out of this cycle. I won't try to be happy-- it's hard and it'll only remind me of why I need to try to be happy (get it?). *sigh* So I do things I used to do. I watched Yu Yu Hakusho, I drew, then I watched MTV for a while, as I eat Cream-O. (It's like I turned into a couch potato for a few hours!) I'm currently sitting here in front of my PC, turning up the speakers with my favorite songs-- something that felt like such a long time ago I do. It's so hard to move on when you don't want to move on in the first place! (WTF?)
I miss this feeling.. hanging around in the house, not worrying about homework or deadlines on submissions of projects or.. *gasp* OMG, I still need a copy of the 7 main prayers. We need that for Religion(Renewal of Christian Faith) tomorrow. I almost forgot. I gotta go search around Yahoo! *frown* Ronald, (besides the loads of promises you gave me) you promised to give me all the important prayers I need to know! Aaargh..
Labels: love, melancholy
| Saturday, June 17, 2006 |
My new friend May went with me to SM coz I was planning to buy a planner/organizer. But when I saw The Wallflower vol5, I had doubts. Besides the fact that I only have enough money for a planner and a powder patter-thingy, it was really unexpected. I told myself I need something that could distract me from my present predicaments. Since I'm such a sucker for manga~s, I thought maybe I could enjoy that for a while. With the help of May, I bought that and a cute notebook. *sigh* What the heck-- I bought things that were not in my list and I didn't get to buy the ones I need to!
Synopsis for vol5:
Sunako Nakahara and her four handsome housemates are enjoying their glamorous lifestyle at her aunt's mansion-- until Sunako's father makes a surprise appearance. Having learned that Sunako is going out with Kyohei, he's flown all the way from Africa to investigate whether Kyohei is worthy of his precious daughter! Sunako vows to keep at least one secret from her prying father: her room full of horror-movie memorabilia. She urges him to leave immediately-- and peacefully. But will she be able to bid him a fond farewell before Kyohei is worn out by his tests and her blessed haven is discovered?
| Friday, June 16, 2006 |
It's been 4 days that I'm in college. The schedule's still irregular but it's starting to feel like home. We've been to the canteen (I'd like to call it a cafeteria. It sounds cooler that way. "Canteen"'s so elementary already.) and ate there twice. We can only go around when it's MWF coz we don't have vacant hour on TTH. Ch'..
By the way, "we" I meant are: Sheryl, Ellen (she's from Tirona High), Raymond (the only guy in our [regular] class[es]) (from St. Mary Magdalene School- where I studied 1st and 2nd grade), and me (duh). They're nice and aight. Sheryl and Elen are fun to be with. Raymond's shy and quiet but he's also nice. We know some people. Sometimes I wanna chat with him coz most of the time, he's alone. Being the only guy and all, he might feel OP. *shrugs* But I don't have that kind of uber-friendly attitude yet (though I'm working on it) so it'll take time till I warm up. I usually have the urge to talk to quiet people more than those who are really talkative. Maybe coz I know how they feel-- I used to be like that. They just need someone to warm up to them before they feel comfortable. *sigh* Time to improve my social skills.
If ever I'm in a bored and nerdy mood, I'd like to checkout the library. I love books. I swear, I might be a writer some day. It's always fun to learn about stuff you're interested in. And then there's this spot in the 4th floor of the other building that you get a nice view of the sea and other points in Cavite. Sr. Janabajab said it's nice to sit there and be sentimental. Hmm.. Heh.
| Thursday, June 15, 2006 |
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
Cause I will be here
I will be here when you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
Cause I will be here
Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)
| Tuesday, June 13, 2006 |
It's the first day of school.. I made a friend. She's my seatmate. Her name's (ate)Sheryl. I was really early coz I was slightly excited (and nervous). She was got there first. We were worried there won't be many students in our class.
Sheryl: What if.. we're the only ones in psychology?
me: *laughs* So who gets to be Valedictorian?
both: *lol*
As class started, more students kept coming in. There were like 5 SAs(student assistants) and some other irregular students. As our teachers stated, "Since this class is so small, we'll get close."
I admit, what I felt today was nothing like the first day of classes back then. There was less tension and nervousness. I guess that's coz I know we're all in the same boat: don't know each other. (That's with the exemption of the SAs of course.) And the fact that I made a new friend and I have more confidence than when I was like.. 9 or something. Great. So much for the first day of school.
one lie is enough to break a trust
one sentence is enough to break a heart
one second is enough to lose a battle
one smile is enough to fall in love
one mistake is enough to lose a job
one touch is enough to heal a wounded hearrt
but whatever are pain whatever are struggles
one God is more than enough
(a text message from Vina)
| Monday, June 12, 2006 |
It feels so good to take a bath. You're in a solitary haven where privacy is savored. No one will see you. No one will bother you. All you will hear is the water splashing in ever corner and the silence to contain yourself.
With every rush of water on your skin, with every part of your body soaped, you are cleansed. As you repeat this, you become lost in your thoughts. Your mind begins to wander beyond the room. Random thoughts flow in your mind. Random memories will be remembered. You recall different things.
Why is it that bittersweet memories always stay with you? Why can't you forget the scars of yesterday? Your tears will mix with the water on your face. It will drop as the water in your hair drips. It will flow to your quivering lips. You will taste the salty pain that resides in your mind and heart.
Girl, shutting your eyes won't stop the tears from flowing through your eyes. Shutting your eyes won't make you forget what happened in the past. Shutting yourself won't make you feel any better. Shutting yourself from the world won't change anything.
Thank the four walls of the bathroom. No one will hear you whimpering in pain. No one will hear your soft sobs of grief. No one will see your body shaking from these strong emotions. No one will feel sorry for you. No one will know what's happening in your solitary haven.
As you finish taking a bath, you wrapped yourself with a towel. You feel refreshed and new as you stepped outside to live your present life again. Someone might ask, "Hey, your eyes look red. What happened to you?"
You can sigh and pretend as long as no one knows, right?
"This? I just got shampoo in my eyes. It still stings a bit."
"Oh really? Wash it with water and the pain will go away after a few seconds."
If only heartbreaks are like shampoo in your eyes that could be washed away with water, I'll take a bath until the pain fades away and my eyes will no longer be red and swollen.
Me and my friends used to cry in the bathroom that's why we called the CR as the Crying Room. But this time, the corner of my room seemed to be taking the CR's part and the tissue's replaced by a favorite handkerchief.
Labels: love, melancholy, thoughts
| Friday, June 09, 2006 |
We all went through with the lessons in life. Some are simple and the others might've been too rough but nonetheless these past few days I learned something very important that made me sit in the corner, thinking. Do not take people/things for granted.
Try and visualize this: Your loved one used to call you everyday and have dinner with you every night. It seemed to be a regular routine for both of you that sometimes you think less of each other. But now because of work, s/he rarely get together with you. In the past a text message from him/her makes you crack a small smile. But in your present situation, a simple text may worth a minute of smile and two teardrops. Get what I mean?
Simple things in life must be appreciated too.. because when time comes that your situations change.. you won't have to feel so regretful, ne?
Here are some messages I received from my friends (on text). They are good quotes:
The importance of something is seen when it's done. The worth of someone is realized when they're gone. It's always a mystery that we realize the essence when it's already a memory. (from Gladys)
The greatest mistake we made was the risk we didn't take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it! So that when time comes, you won't live your life asking, "What if..?" and telling yourself, "If only.." (from Roselle)
Don't be afraid to take chances even if it might get you hurt. Just be strong and take it coz you might miss that single chance that would change your life and make you really happy. (from Ronald)
at the upper right corner of your window.
![The Wallflower [Yamato Nadeshikop Shichihenge]](http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j118/Ami_Chi14/thewallflowerfan.jpg)
![Goong!: [Crown Prince] Lee Shin & [Crown Princess] Shin Chae Gyeong](http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j118/Ami_Chi14/chaegyeongxshinfan.jpg)
Designed By: velvet-sky
Scan from: I
Brushes from: I & II
host x
scripts x x
tagboard x
other images hosted by x x x x
