[v6] carousel of dreams ][ayamichi14.blogspot.com

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Gaara: Innocence and then Hatred

[the script from the subtitle]
young Gaara: *tries to stab his hand with a knife but the sand protects him* It's no use... the sand interferes.
Yashamaru: *enters the room* Gaara-sama.
young Gaara: Yashamaru.
Yashamaru: I was ordered by Kazekage-sama to be your caretaker. I am to keep an eye on your health and protect you. Please don't do such a thing in front of me. But then again the sand will protect you.
Yashamaru: Yashamaru, I'm sorry. (pertaining to the wounds made by the sand when Y stopped the attack)

Yashamaru: Oh this? It's just a scratch.
young Gaara: Do wounds hurt?
Yashamaru: Just a little. It will heal quickly though.
young Gaara: Ne, Yashamaru...
Yashamaru: Yes?
young Gaara: What does pain feel like? I've never been hurt before so I was wondering how it felt...]
is this really acting?

Yashamaru looks at Gaara in a somewhat confused and pitiful way.. or is it simply because he's having a hard time thinking of an explanation?
Yashamaru: How should I explain this..? It's painful and unbearable.. Like, when a person is shot or cut, he becomes very ill at ease and he can't think normally. I can't explain it well, but simply put, it's not a very good condition to be in.
kawaii when confused

Gaara tries to understand what Yashamaru tries to explain to him and feels bad for his injuries.
young Gaara: Yashamaru.
Yashamaru: Yes?
young Gaara: Then, do you hate me?
he looks pitiful and sorry

Gaara asks Yashamaru if he hated him (because of the pain/wounds inflicted by the sand attack earlier or because of his whole being?).
Yashamaru: People hurt each other and get hurt during their lifetimes but it is difficult to hate one another.
young Gaara: Thanks, Yashamaru. I think I understand what hurting is, now.
Arigatou, Yashamaru.

Yashamaru: Really?
young Gaara: Maybe I'm injured too, like everyone else. I always hurt here. *grabs his shirt near his heart/chest* I'm not bleeding but my chest really hurts here.
is this acting?

Yashamaru staring at Gaara pitifully.
Yashamaru: *takes Gaara's knife and cuts his index finger slightly*
young Gaara: *gasps as blood drips from the open wound*
Yashamaru: Flesh wounds bleed and they may seem painful but as time goes by, the pain eventually disappears. And if you use medicine, the wounds will heal even faster. But the tricky wounds are the ones in your heart. Those are difficult to heal.
young Gaara: A wound of the heart?
Yashamaru: A wound of the heart is different from a flesh wound. Unlike a flesh wound, there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal.
young Gaara: *grabs his shirt near his heart/chest again*
Yashamaru: But there is one thing that can heal a wound of the heart. It is a troublesome medicine and you can only receive it from another person.
young Gaara: What is it? How can I heal this..?
Yashamaru: The thing that can heal a wound of the heart is... love.
young Gaara: ..Love?
Yashamaru: Yes.
young Gaara: How can I get that? What should I do to get rid of this pain..?
How can I get love?

Gaara asking Yashamaru how to "get" love. -- so innocent (the cuteness is intoxicating me)
Yashamaru: Gaara-sama, you have already received it. Love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you. It is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my sister. I believe that my sister always loved you, Gaara-sama. The Shukaku of the Sand is a living soul that is usually used for combat purposes. The sand automatically protects you because of you mother's love. I believe that the will of your mother is inside the sand. My sister probably wanted to protect you, even after her death.
young Gaara: Yashamaru.
Yashamaru: Yes?
young Gaara: Thanks back there... for stopping me.
Yashamaru: *puts his wounded finger in his mouth to suck the blood* My pleasure. You are a person who is important and close to me after all, Gaara-sama.
young Gaara: *takes Yashamaru's wounded finger and puts it in his mouth*
Yashamaru: *thinks: Can you feel my pain?*
young Gaara: *thinks: It tastes like metal*

+:+:+:+:+
What's the deal with that Yashamaru guy? I mean, he looked sincerely concerned of his nephew when they were talking in the room and then he attacked Gaara! He said it was ordered to him by Kazekage but he did say that he hated Gaara with all his heart (so it was "his pleasure to do it".) WTF?! He looked solemn while saying that and other bullsh*t. (The symbolic meaning of the sand protecting Gaara because of his mother's love was a great story too. I wonder why he even said that earlier when it's a lie.) I don't get it. If he was lying to Gaara that whole time then he did a great job. He looked very loving, really. What great acting.

But.. if he didn't mean to say those things then why did he? Was he challenging Gaara to be strong so that he'll begin to hate to survive and thus live up to his name? That's pretty foolish though coz he must think that if that'll happen, then Gaara will lose compassion-- something that makes a human humane.

Aargh! Either way, no matter how I see it, no matter what his reasons were, Yashamaru is still a liar. I dislike him for saying those hurtful words. Why can't he just die without telling Gaara about the cursed name, about his mom, and about his hatred for him? (That way Gaara might still try to find love and be hopeful even if all people shun him.) And he's a hypocrite-- preaching about love while having that expression then revealed that he hated Gaara. He's his nephew! Besides, if things weren't done the way they were (using Gaara's mom as sacrifice) then all of them would've been dead! Aargh!

I've been watching Naruto from the start since there's a lot I missed years ago. (Marathon desu!) While waiting for crunchyroll to load the video, I'm doing the Gen. Psy take home quizzes (there are 6). I do sneak sometimes and watch some scenes. It was then episode 77 caught my attention.

It's about Gaara's story.

It's damn tragic, I tell you. It's about as tragic or more than Naruto's, Sasuke's, Hiei's (Yu Yu Hakusho), Kyo's (Fruits Basket), etc. The others either experienced being loved or had friends and family to support them, random people to act kindly towards them or even loyal and respectable allies. But Gaara doesn't have those.

"I'm alone."

He was hated, feared for and decieved. The name given to him meant that he'll live loving only himself (being loved only by himself) and fighting only for himself to acknowledge his existence.

The fact that he looked damn cute and innocent when he was small totally breaks my heart.
totemo kawaii kodomo desu!

If I was in his state (and living in that dreadful country), I'd probably end up like him too or maybe even lose my mind. (He was young after all.) Nevertheless, he does have a point when he decided to live up to his name. If no one loves you then just love yourself? (It'd be cruel and unfair not to do so.) No one can love yourself more than you after all. Besides, what could he do anyway? It's not like he could commit suicide. He already tried that.

So it makes me curious: Is there a deeper symbolic meaning about the whole sand-protects-him idea? Or am I just reading too much into it?

*sigh* Anyways, I guess I have to take account of the society and environment he's in. I mean, to those I compared he's situation tom (aside from the characs in Naruto), their lifestyles are really different. (i.e. Hiei's from Makai [Demon World] and Kyo's living in the present era of Human World.) Socially, politically, and environmentally different, ne?

So why do I even bother to compare them? What do I see that they have in common?

They all experienced hate and/or being hated. Being shunned and transforming into deviants and/or outcasts deals with psychology. I simply can't resist being attracted to that concept even years before I'm taking up this course. (Partly, maybe coz I was somewhat like that too in the past.. or even up to now in some cases.) Times like these make me feel more sure of my decision into studying it. Perhaps in the future I might write something good that could also pinch people's heart, trigger their minds and shake their emotions. Yes, that would be cool. =)

I'm loving Naruto right now. The characters are great.

The worst feelings a person can experience are:
*being unloved
*feeling useless
*being unacknowledged
*loneliness

Says who? Says me.

Turn your sadness into kindness
Your uniqueness into strength
It's OK to get lost in the process, so start walking
Once again

Do you like to be praised by
Answering to people's expectations?
Do you always have a wonderful smile
Even if you must sacrifice what you really want to do?

I wake up after seeing only the beginning of my dream
But I will grasp what happens after that with my hands

Yes, the most important things
Are always the ones with no form
Even if you obtain it or lose it
You do not notice

So turn you sadness into kindness
Turn your uniqueness into strength
It's OK to get lost in the process, so start walking
Once again
~Kanashimi Wo Yasashisa Ni; Little By Little(Naruto 3rd op)

Labels: anime, list, melancholy, script, song(s), thoughts

<3 i thought of you @9/01/2007 09:02:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Such a beautiful song.

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong? [apparently none]
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
~Illegal; Shakira

Aside from my wounds, I know now my importance to some of my so-called "friends".

Labels: friend(s), song(s), thoughts

<3 i thought of you @8/08/2007 04:09:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Life Is Like A Boat reminds me more of Gokusen than Bleach. Odd haha... I really like this song:

Nobody knows who I really am(?)
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am(?)
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me and keep me strong(?)

hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you and keep you strong

tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars and soon
I can see the shore

Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne

~Life Is Like A Boat; Rie Fu (Bleach op)

There are times when we feel that we're alone. There are times when we lose our way [to the right path]. These are the times when God wants us to realize the importance of friendship, love, and self-actualization. These are the times when we need our family and friends. Don't shove them away. They are with you... even if you feel like you're physically alone, they are there in your heart. Just find the light inside you.

Lastly, if you can't find courage and comfort within yourself... maybe it's time to channel it from others. The ones who love you will give you just that... and maybe more.

My dreams make me sentimental. I can't wait to be a Psychology major Junior.

Labels: anime, song(s), thoughts

<3 i thought of you @7/10/2007 11:24:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Sunday, June 10, 2007

I'd Still Say Yes

I love you most
When we share a phase
Of special good times together
It seems like our love can't get much better
(No....)

Coz we were as close as two could be
I knew love could last forever
We're more than just lovers
We're good friends

And even if our love could drift away
I wouldn't even think twice
If I wanted love back again

Because I'd still say yes to you again
My Darlin' for you, I do it all again
Yes, I'd still say yes to you again
Darlin' for you, I do it over and over again
(Say yes..oh-oh)

Where does it go
How does it end
True love it seems so easy
'Coz we have no doubts
Where we belong

They say time can heal a broken heart
And true love never ends
So why not start where we begin

~I'd Still Say Yes; Klymaxx, Freestyle

It's been exactly a year now. My heart is still bleeding and yearning.. but compared to a few months ago, I feel better. I'm not so depressed anymore. But that doesn't change the fact that I still love him parang dati.. or even more. Maybe I'll never stop loving him.. in one form or another.

When I fall in love... It would be forever.

Let's wait and see. The future is a mystery. Pray for me.

Labels: love, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @6/10/2007 12:26:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

don't forget about us...

(Don't forget about us)
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
My baby boy...

Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it(?)
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your ~~first~~ true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

Oh they say
~~That you're in a new relationship~~
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both(?) can't forget it
How good we used to get it

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

And if she's(?) got your head all messed up now
That's the trickery
So why you act like you don't know how this lovin' used to be?
I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC*

Baby don't you, don't you forget about us

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us.

~Don't Forger About Us; Mariah Carey

:+:+:+:

*I know MC stands for Mariah Carey and it's cool that my first names' intials are MC too haha.. so it kinda fits. I like this song.

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @5/23/2007 09:22:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Will You Ever Learn

So what's the point in all of this
When you will never change?
The days have passed
The weather's changed
Should I be sorry?
Could I be sorry?

I did it all
All for you
Hoping you would see
Your eyes are dull
Your hands are clenched
Are we ready?
Are we ready?

But you
You think about yourself
Only 'bout yourself
But what about:
Un-lonely nights
Romantic moments
The love, the love
What about them?
Throw it all away

You know me well
You know it's wrong
Then what is it you feel?
You hide behind those perfect smiles
It won't fool me because you already did

But you think about yourself
Only bout yourself
But what about:
Un-lonely nights
Romantic moments
The love, the love
What about them?
Throw it all away
The perfect dates
The sweetest kisses
The love, the love
What about them?
Throw it all away

~Will You Ever Learn; Typecast

Di ako nakapunta sa performance ng Typecast sa Padis. Oh well.. I'll hope for next time.

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @4/24/2007 09:43:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Saturday, March 10, 2007

emo, Gilmore Girls addiction

Wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted
All the time
Sometimes

~Every Little Thing; Dishwala

I enjoy listening to emo/punk music now, since Kuya Norman put a bunch of songs on Peter (my computer) and asked me to try them. As it turned out, they're great.

Here's my current playlist:

Somewhere In The Middle - Dishwala
Every Little Thing - Dishwala
Letters To You - Finch
Stand By Me - Oasis
Save Yourself - Sense Field
Never Easy - Solace
Save Me - Remi Zero
Photograph - Nickelback
Someday - Nickelback
Dare You To Move - Switchfoot
Will You Ever Learn - Typecast
You Wanted More - Tonic
Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
Empty Apartment - Yellowcard

I'd like to take this out before I babble about my current addiction:
It's sad na ung pinagsamahan ay parang wala na.. Guys, wala kayong effort na magkaroon ng contact. May mobile at phone naman, di ba? Nakakalungkot.

+++

For one week I became a glutton (something that happened once in my lifetime).. stuffing myself with food (mostly rice) every meal and I must say, it's effective. I gained a pound or two. Then the next week I got fed up (mind the pun). The next week I started staying up early in the morning again, lost appetite, and eat late merienda. You recall that "pound or two" that I was talking about? It's gone [again]. And dark circles are added.

So I learned that [lack of] sleep is more fatal to my health. (Even though I still complete the 8hrs rule.)

But I desperately needed a distraction from all the mess I've been having.

I turned to the idiot box for help. (I know I've been neglecting it since I got the internet, hoping I'd save some electricity even for a bit.) So I've been watching Gilmore Girls (marathon!) since I got the dvds. (I've always wanted to watch it over and over and over again coz I miss it!) Downside: I keep staying up.. like till 1pm. Read the sentence that stated what I learned again.

Yeah. Tough.

Season 3 pa lang ako. Dami ko pala na-miss the epi dati. I've watched up to season 4 actually, a few episodes missed coz of school and such.

By the way, I realized that coffee is good without milk too.
I know I should stop drinking coffee again. (I drink like twice a month even though I love the thing! Can you feel my control?)

I'll post up the comparison between Gilmore Girls and my life later. La lang..

Oh yeah.. and I painted my nails Tequilla Sunrise. It's a cross between peach and orange. Kyoot

Labels: currents, health, love, song(s), tv series

<3 i thought of you @3/10/2007 11:48:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Friday, March 02, 2007

whenever, wherever, whatever

Lead me on boy if you must
Take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you want
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
And if ever you yearn for the love in me

Whenever wherever whatever
Baby

Wish I knew if I could
Be the one that you could
Love forever and a day baby, oh yeah

And if there's a thing that you need
For you and your blood I would bleed
And if ever you yearn for the love in me

Whenever wherever whatever
Baby
Whenever wherever whatever
Baby

And if there's a thing that you need
I’d give you the breath
And if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever, wherever, whatever
Whenever, wherever, whatever

~Whenever, wherever, whatever; MYMP

I decided to stay here to be at least a little bit close to him.. and then I found out that he's going away. Buti pa siya malakas ang loob. He'll go for his dream, his goal.

Now I'm losing sight of my goal. I'm thinking of studying a different course. Something to do with arts. But I'm afraid of change. I'm weak.

And I'm getting weaker.
Again.

Pathetic. Damn me.

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s), thoughts

<3 i thought of you @3/02/2007 09:52:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Friday, October 13, 2006

true love waits..

Ikaw na ang may sabi
Na ako'y mahal mo rin
At sinabi mong
Ang pag-ibig mo'y di magbabago
Ngunit bakit sa tuwing ako'y lumalapit
Ika'y lumalayo
Puso'y laging nasasaktan
Pag may kasama kang iba
Di ba nila alam
Tayo'y nagsumpaan
Na ako'y sa iyo
At ika'y akin lamang

Kahit anong mangyari
Ang pag-ibig ko'y sa 'yo pa rin
At kahit ano pa ang sabihin nila'y
Ikaw pa rin ang mahal
Maghihintay ako kahit kailan
Kahit na umabot pang
Ako'y nasa langit na
At kung 'di ka makita
Makikiusap ka'y Bathala
Na ika'y hanapin at sabihin
Ipaalala sa iyo
Ang nakalimutang sumpaan
Na ako'y sa iyo
Ika'y akin lamang

Oh...
Umasa kang maghihintay ako
Kahit kailan
Kahit na umabot pang
Ako'y nasa langit na
At kung 'di ka makita
Makikiusap kay Bathala
Na ika'y hanapin at sabihin
Ipaalala sa iyo
Ang nakalimutang sumpaan
Na ako'y sa iyo
At ika'y akin lamang

~Ako'y Sa'yo; ???

When I heard that song play (in acoustic) from a borrowed cd, I immediately fell in love with it. <3

Even though we're not together in the physical world, I can always be with him in my dreams.. And recently, he's always there.. In my dreams, we could be together. In my dreams, we get to talk. In my dreams, we share the moments. In my dreams...

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @10/13/2006 03:19:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Thursday, July 27, 2006

your letters, certain blahs

Imagine me and you
I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
to think about the guy [edited] you love
and hold him [edited] tight
So happy together

~Happy Together; Simple Plan

I took your 14 letters in those cute little brown envelopes with heart stickers and read them. (Do you still remember?) I wonder if you meant every word you said. (Do you remember them?) Having those personally-made poems given from someone so precious.. my heart swells with so much love.. and my mind with so much thoughts and memories...

But it seemed long ago, isn't it? I want to go back to that time.. that time when every day seem to open with smiles.. when every moment felt special.. when every event is significant...

(I know this may sound uber mush-y but.. honestly) There was never a day that passes by that I didn't think of you... (You guys can call me 'stupid' or whatever. Go ahead.)

I never thought I'd experience this much pain and happiness from that single person I can't get enough of. It makes me weak and strong at the same time. For now I must wait. If fate shall twist again, this time for the better.. I will do my best to show you how much I love you and how much I care... as I did before.

+++

certain places..
certain songs..
certain events..
certain objects..
certain scents..
certain stories..
certain phrases..

they remind me of you..
of us..

a mere memory..
makes me feel..
how we used to be...

wasurenaide wasurete kure
ima mo kimi e no omoi wa
arashi ga sakamaku yoru no umi
musebi naite mure hanareta
samayou futari no shirube wa
"kibou" no futa-moji sa

~[a part of the song Taiyou ga Mata Kagayaku Toki..]

translation:
Please don't forget. Even now, my feelings for you are the sea in a night of surging storms choked up with tears and crying, separated from the group what guides us when we wander are the letters of "hope."

Labels: love, melancholy, reminiscing the past, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @7/27/2006 11:53:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Saturday, July 22, 2006

unwell..

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy
I'm just a ~~little~~ unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

~Unwell; Matchbox Twenty

I was at Chamie's earlier. It rained on my way back home. I love walking in the rain. If only people won't see me, thinking I'm crazy or worrying that I might get sick, I'll do it everytime. I'm simply dramatic and sentimental like that.

I've just finished reading HP and the Order of the Phoenix yesterday. It was great as presumed.

I hope I did well on the exams..

I saw the beauty of that song today, funny. Just goes to show someone emotional would relate to such things. *sigh* It's hard being depressed and lonely you know.

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @7/22/2006 10:37:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Thursday, July 13, 2006

no classes, played with camera

We don't have classes today and yesterday coz of the weather. I was bored so I played with my camera this afternoon. =D

By the way, yesterday, Ellen and I watched The Nun. It was ok. (Surprisingly, I didn't get that scared. Asian horror films make me shiver more for some reason. I think it's coz of the physical feature.) There was a time when Ellen really screamed. It was so funny, we kept laughing about it. The ending bothers me a bit though. Hmm.. But it was fun. We decided to hang-out at SM when we found out there were no classes.

I'm kinda worried though about our lessons. Next week, we'll have our pre-lims and the two days without classes matters.

Hey now, let me hold you
It'll be ok
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away

Hey now, are you listening?
Can you hear me say?
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away

Believe in me
I'm here to stay
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away

~Till They Take My Heart Away; Kyla

Tomorrow's the 14th.. Oh nothing.. I just like to say that.. and remind myself. Here I go again, reminiscing. Bleh. Haha..

Damn, I have mosquito bites.

Labels: friend(s), movie(s), song(s), with pics

<3 i thought of you @7/13/2006 11:36:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Why?

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

I can feel I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?

I can feel I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

~Why; Avril Lavigne

I need answers..
Do you still remember..?
You promised me no matter what happens, I'm the one you love..
Please keep your promise coz I'll be waiting..

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @7/02/2006 11:18:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Saturday, June 24, 2006

San Juan, wet

It's Fiesta de San Juan today. I'd like to call it "Basaan Day".

I woke up from Chamie's phone call. I recently put the ring volume on its highest so that when I'll hear it numerous times, it'll mean that Tita Elen's not around to get it, which will signify that I'm alone in the apartment.

Chamie asked me last night to go with her today to Robinson's Imus and maybe Lotus Mall for some cellphone accessory. She told me to eat there at their place. Sis, recall for a second where you live. I'll get hosed down there, you know.

"Then bring extra clothes," she suggested.

You mean I'll have to carry some wet clothes in the mall? If I leave it at her place, I'll have to stop over there before I go home, right? That would mean I'll need extra fare just to get it. And what's the assurance that we won't get wet after lunch when we'll travel?

"I don't have a raincoat."

In fact, I haven't used one since grade school. At my age, people use umbrellas. But it's not really a rainy day today, isn't it?

"Okay, I'll call you again later."

"Okay," I hanged up.

With my eyes half open, I went back to bed. I got up again despite my sleepiness, went to the kitchen and checked the clock. It's past 9am already. Yeah, like I'll get that chance to sleep again.

Groaning, I slumped back to bed. My senses became aware of the surroundings. (Normally, my attention span doesn't work when I don't have interest to know what's happening in the living world.) I could hear people outside, talking randomly. There were few splashing now and then. Vehicles pass by quickly which states that the road is free from traffic.

I begin to wonder where Tita Elen went. She didn't bother leaving a message on the fridge. I know her day off is tomorrow. Where could she be?

I wouldn't want to go outside so soon. Just a few seconds ago I heard a bunch of guys shouting over something. They probably got some water victims. Or they were the ones victimized.

Not that I care. At least they're having fun splashing people and getting wet too.

I've already had my share of wet moments for today. It happened twice already, today and yesterday actually. It happened hours after midnight. Yes, I've been having a series of mild insomnia. No, I'm not a bed wetter. No, I don't do midnight showers. And I certainly don't walk in the rain after midnight. Besides, there was no rain anyhow.

No, I wasn't actually soaked. What got wet are my pillow, my hands, and my cheeks.

It's over and done, but the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you
Tears on my pillow, wherever you go
Cry me river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me far apart
In the words of a broken heart.

It's just emotions takin' me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in a song
But if you don't come back, come home to me darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight?

~Emotion; Destiny's Child

RPE, I'll be waiting for the time when you'll finally get the courage to talk to me about it. It'll be soon I hope. Please face it and don't run away. I hope I won't have to wait forever. *sigh*

Happy Regada/San Juan, everyone.

Labels: event(s), friend(s), love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @6/24/2006 10:18:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Thursday, June 22, 2006

More Than Words

Sayin' I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show
Me how you feel

More than words
Is all you have to do
To make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
Coz I'd already know

~More Than Words; Extreme

If there's a will, there's a way.
Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, may dahilan.
The truth will set you free.
Honesty is the best policy.

You get the picture. Always remember this people. I need to stop this before I turn into a quote book. Man, I love that song.

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @6/22/2006 10:27:00 AM
my love don't cost a thing

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I Will Be Here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
Cause I will be here

I will be here when you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
Cause I will be here

All I can do now is be here for you in case you need me..

Labels: love, melancholy, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @6/15/2006 10:49:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

went to SM.. Ja Rule's album Exodus.. found Pocky!

Ronald and I went to Baste para maasikaso na ang aking enrolment. We found out in the spot that they don't issue scholarship to honorable mentions. Damn, I was hoping I'll get like at least 20%.. Other schools offer me 75%.. 25%.. *sigh* Why? Why?! T_T

We went to SM late in the afternoon. We first went to National Bookstore to see if School Rumble 2 is available now. Well, it wasn't yet--just like it said.. I'll wait for May to come.. By the way, SR's not new and there's actually an anime of it already! I saw some screencaps and it looked fine. I hope I'll get my hands on some dvd of it... Dual language (if there's already English dub)... interviews.. the making.. and such. It'll be more fun watching than reading! I heard the music is good too.

I saw 2 books I wanted to buy.. but it's waaay over my budget. Besides the fact that I didn't bring extra money, my mom would kill me once she sees the price of "just a book". -_- It's around P560+.00 that's why. One of em is called Valiant and the other I forgot.. Both fantasy/fiction.. Both New York's Best Sellers.. I hope once I saved up I'll get to buy it. If college days will come.. my problem would be.. if I'll have time to read it. Heh..

My purpose to go to SM is: to look for Ashanti's album.. I saw it but it didn't have the remixes that I wanted. I've been wanting to hear Always On Time, Ain't It Funny, Mesmerize, Jenny From The Block, I'm Real remix, and All I Have for weeks. Funny thing is.. I found Always On Time, Ain't It Funny, and Mesmerize in Ja Rule's album Exodus! It was fortunate for me that I was searching for random cds I might like and I found it, and read it. ^^ Patience paid off.. Love dancing with beats like that.. ^^

By the way, Ronald found boxes of Pocky in the department store! How come he always seem to find Pocky at random places and I don't?! *blink, blink* Aw whatever! At least now I won't have to wait for the day that I'll step to Duty Free again.. Hahaha.. (There's only 2 flavors though... strawberry and chocolate..)

Labels: book(s), food, love, mall, manga, school, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @4/26/2006 11:11:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

been busy with blog, mp3 mania

My gosh it's been a while since I've actually typed an entry. I've been busy modifying the blog that I kept forgetting to post anything. Most of the time I'm learning the amazing world of HTML and scripts. I getting addicted to it. Expect more changes in here. ^^

School's ok. I did my crochet for only 5 nights of staying up late or til morning doing the darn thing. The teachers seem to be enjoying the effect of their time-consuming projects. Lucky for them they only have to put a grade for us, not much minding our effort. (Maybe they don't trust most students since the projects are take-home.) To put it simply, we're students and it's our duty to do what they tell us to do and,as teachers, it's their right to give us whatever project or homework they want and talked over and then grade it. Yup, I understand.

I'm really happy downloading anime mp3s. (I'm amazed I scavaged a lot these past few days.) I don't know why but I just love listening to Japanese songs with good beats and nice lyrics. Listening to OPM and old love songs over and over again makes me cringe. Besides, I miss JPOP.

These are my favorites right now:
Daijoubu [Boys Be opening]
-Aki Maeda
Karenai Hana [Full Metal Panic ending]
-Mikuni Shimokawa
Ai To Iu Na No Tatakai Ni [Tamahome theme]
-Midorikawa Hikaru
Ohayou [Hunter X Hunter opening]
-Keno
Dearest [I My Me Strawberry Egss opening]
-Hitomi Mieno
Ai No Uta [Inu-Yasha song]
-Every Little Thing
Every Heart [Inu-Yasha ending]
-BoA
Fukai Mori [Inu-Yasha ending]
-Do As Infinity
Kohaku No Yurikago [RAVE ending]
-Chihiro Yonekura
It's Gonna Rain [Rurouni Kenshin ending]
-(I forgot who sang this)
Aitsu [Super Gals Ran Kotobuki opening]
-dicot
Dakishimetai [Super Gals Ran Kotobuki ending]
-Jungle Smile

Next, I'm gonna look for:
Cardcaptor Sakura songs
13 Gatsu No Shukumei [El Hazard opening]
Kami-sama Ga Kureta Hi [El Hazard ending]
Yakusoku Wa Iranai [Vision of Escaflowne opening]
Mystic Eyes [Vision of Escaflowne ending]
Nanka Shiawase [Flame of Recca opening]
Love Is Changing [Flame of Recca ending]
Zutto Kimi Ni Soba De [Flame of Recca ending]
Itooshii Hito No Tame Ni [Fushigi Yuugi opening]
Tokimeki No Doukasen [Fushigi Yuugi ending]
Sakura Saku [Love Hina opening]
Rocks! [Naruto]
Jajauma ni Sasenaide [Ranma 1/2 opening]
Let's Be Platonic [Ranma 1/2 ending]

Those were songs I've been wanting to listen to. Some of them I have on cd though. It sucks how it's so hard to find mp3 files of those in the net. Well, I gotta look long and hard. Wish me luck!

Labels: blog, list, school, song(s)

<3 i thought of you @11/30/2005 05:07:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Friday, November 04, 2005

watched My Sassy Girl at the movies

Our sole purpose at SM today was to watch My Sassy Girl. I've been dying to watch it since (a long time ago) I've read on a magazine a rather nice review of the movie so I got interested. I'm getting interested on Korean films nowadays. *shrugs* I guess the bug hit me. The movie was quite refreshing, especially the sequence of events. The relationship of the guy and the girl there was a bit strange for me though. I mean, they got together without talking about how they feel.. They didn't talk about love or anything about their situation. Should it be left unsaid? Hmm.. Or did they just assumed that they're in the relationship? How they started out was kinda funny.. Troubled and drunk girl meets happy-go-lucky guy, sounds typical? Well, what they went through after they met were twists and turns of events and a lot of funny moments. All in all, it was worth a movie.

Dubbing the movie made it a bit satisfying to the audience, although I would still prefer watching the original dub but it's fine anyway. (You won't have to bother reading the subtitles-- which at times changes very fast to match the dialogues. Maiinis ang mga tao na hindi sanay manood ng subtitled films.) The theme song in the movie, I Believe has a fine tune. Jimmy Bondoc sang the Tagalog "version" and the lyrics strucked my heart. I was lucky there weren't that many people and it's dark. People would've witnessed my *ahem* reaction. Chamie and Tita were close to tears near the ending of the movie coz of what's happening. I cried through the ending credits. How weird was that? I cried coz of the song. I swear, talagang songs ang weakness ko. Kainez talaga kasi ang lyrics at ang tono! Nadala tuloy ako. Halos puro patama talaga. But I guess that proves the power of music, ne? Sadly, I thought of him again. Aaargh..

Labels: friend(s), mall, movie(s), song(s)

<3 i thought of you @11/04/2005 10:42:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

sentimental air..

Last night when we went to the kapilya in Cavite, there were a lot of Iglesia and non-Iglesia people gathering around, wearing semi-formal attire. It kinda sucked for me since I was wearing pants. But then again, they were black pants... So I guess it wasn't that embarassing after all. Besides, there were some people wearing denim. Anyway, too bad Francis didn't get to come with us. He would've enjoyed being there, looking at all the "budget". Drix didn't show up. I didn't get to ask why but I heard he was with Ace. They probably hanged-out instead.

It was the first time I've ever gotten close to a kapilya (We got inside a few minutes before the "lecture" was done.). I took a few shots of it from the outside on my mobile. It looked spectacular. As I stood there, I wondered who thought of that kind of architecture. He must be European. ^^' hehe...

Tita Nhora was happy coz she got to be with her pals there. There was a lil reunion thing going around. I guess the sentimental air got to me.. It was the first time I missed him since the 28th. I guess I never wanted to miss him and I kept avoiding things that remind me of him. There were times when Chamie, Aica, and Tita were teasing me, singing Nina's I Love You, Goodbye song. I never liked that song even before the incident but now.. It became significant to me. I can now relate to it. It was then they started teasing me about going to his house for a visit. The whole joke was going fine so I really couldn't think of why I suddenly became... affected. I slowly turned around, forcing myself not to give in. But a few seconds later and I did. But not that much! I mean, it was just a few teardrops ok? I don't want to cause a scene there! I forced myself to stop. To lighten the mood, Chamie and Aica "accused" Tita of making me cry. We laughed. They know better than to make the whole thing such a drama. Thanks guys.

*sigh* Now that I think about it, it's funny how the object of my depression seemed like a break-up story. Well, it isn't. The fact is... It was never really us. Long story. I wanna forget about it.

Anyway, Chamie's sleeping over. ^^ We just watched Sassy Girl Chun-Hyang. My gosh! The sudden turn of events really got to me. I just love that type of series, that type of plot, and especially the character development. *ahem* The characters' situations were really close to our situation. But then he left.. "Marvin" didn't. He really loves her.. "Marvin" got over "Charina". *sigh* Well, I guess only their past situations we could relate to.

Supposedly, tomorrow's our first day back to school. Francis made a survey and he said that most of our classmates refuse to go back to school. They said they're going back on the 7th. So I've decided to do the same. I planned that I'm going to have a haircut tomorrow. Hopefully, this time it's going to happen. Tita suggested a new look: with bangs! I haven't had bangs since elementary. I wonder if it'll look fine. Oh well, I'll find out tomorrow when I consult some hair stylist..person hehe. She said maybe I should try to change myself and I agree. It's time to change my image a bit. Ganbatte Aya! Dekiru ne! ^^ When I come back to school, they'll see the new me! Well, I'll still be like my old self but.. improved. ^^

Labels: event(s), friend(s), place(s), song(s), tv series

<3 i thought of you @11/01/2005 11:06:00 PM
my love don't cost a thing

Welcome to
ayamichi14.blogspot.com
the blog of which is owned and managed by

This is where you can read about her, her thoughts and ideals, her everyday activities, and etcetera.
If you do not wish to be here, just simply click on the or press Alt F4

at the upper right corner of your window.
This site is best viewed in Internet Explorer 6.0 at 1024 x 768.
Hover over the pics for alts.
You might want to refresh every once in a while to view recent changes.
Please don't forget to leave a message on the tagboard at the shout-outs!

last updated: 03.08.09
updates: I changed the layout. The codes were wrong. There's also a new entry for after a year of no updates.

Love is not just about finding someone you can live with, but finding someone you can't live without.

It is not about finding someone perfect to love, but loving the imperfect person perfectly.

Destiny is an excuse of letting things happen than making it happen.

The greatest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity.

resides in the Philippines . been living since the 6th of August in 1988 . astrologically a Leo and an Earth Dragon . Roman Catholic . blood type O+ . dreams of going to Japan and England . dreams of becoming a [fashion] model & professional photographer .
AB PSYCH junior at SSCR de Cav . artistic . dramatic . fashionista . insomiac . joker . 60% right-brained . ~~makulit~~ . moody . [internal] optimist . [true] otaku . pacifist . [sometimes] pessimistic . right-handed . sarcastic . sentimental . skinny . spectacled(when needed) . worry wart . avid designer . bookworm . daydreamer . freeform writer . internet addict . manga addict . movie buff . nocturnal . only child . oxymoron . perfectionist . procrastinator . quick texter . ~~shoppaholic~~ . tech-y

Japanese culture . Asian dramas . art . books . chocolate . coffee . cookies . fanfictions . figures of speech . literary devices . movies . myths / mythical creatures . online quizzes . photography . pizza . Pocky . rain . remembrance . sarcasm . snow . strawberries . sushi . symbolism
[for others see fanlistings]

back-stabbers . bad dubs . broken promises . busy schedules . cheaters . cigarette smoke/ing . dial-up . diseases/disorders . fear . flies . flirts . headache . the hospital . hypocrites . ignorants . inconvenience . insomia . laziness . liars . mosquitos . pain . procrastination . sadistic acts . selfishness . traitors . two-faced people(mga plastic) . untidy people & places . writer's block

Agape . Blue . Caramel Candy . Cherubim . Destiny, oldest of the Endless . Multi dimentional Mind . ENFP . EQ: 140 . Expression Number 8 . Feminine Beauty . Fresh Mint Tic-Tac . Iced Coffee . Kindness . Life Mage . Livingroom . 40% Normal . Phoenix . Preppy Pants . Ravenclaw . Sensitivity . Spring . Strawberry Pocky . Trendy Sexy . Truly Passionate . Tsunami . Verdana . White Chocolate . White Rose . White Wings

the past..
New Layout For The Old Blog
new blog- underconstruction
update
I dreamt that I was dreaming of you
killer kidney condition
deceased Lolo Sixto
Gaara: Innocence and then Hatred
kodoku na
Death Note review
Illegal to deceive a woman's heart

to view all entries on a specific month: click
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
February 2008
March 2008
March 2009

hey guys, I still left the tagboard in case you still want to leave me a msg here.. as some of you might know, this is my new blog now. you can also leave me a msg there if you want. =)

new blog // my plurk //
asian avenue // old xanga blog // yahoo profile

``blogthings ``blogskins ``dragid ``fanfiction.net ``friendster ``kalabarian ``quizilla ``thefanlistings.org ``tickle

asianbite . anime aesthetic . anime art . anime lyrics . anime news network . crunchyroll .

``*Gladys . ``*Jay . ``*Jonah . ``*Lindsey . ``*Lizette . ``*May . ``*Quynh . ``*Paul . ``*Rachel . ``*Ronald . ``*Yukinohime .

Note: I've been transfering my codes to my new blog as well as updating my info on each of the fanlistings, active and inactive ones, so the ones that are not here anymore are there..

[ a c t o r s / a r t i s t s ]

[ b o o k s / manga ]

The Wallflower [Yamato Nadeshikop Shichihenge]

[ b o o k s - m o v i e s ]

[ m o v i e s ]

Tada, Kimi Wo Aishiteru / Heavenly Forest

[ s e r i e s ]

[ a n i m e ]

[ c h a r a c t e r s ]

10 Things I Hate About You: Katarina Stratford

[ p a i r i n g s ]

Hana Yori Dango: Domyouji Tsukasa & Makino Tsukushi

Hana Yori Dango: Hanazawa Rui & Makino Tsukushi

Goong!: [Crown Prince] Lee Shin & [Crown Princess] Shin Chae Gyeong

Gilmore Girls: Jess Mariano & Rory Gilmore

Gatekeepers: Ukiya Shun & Ikusawa Ruriko

Yu Yu Hakusho: Urameshi Yusuke & Yukimura Keiko

[ a l b u m / s o n g s ]

[ f o o d & d r i n k s ]

[ m i s c ]

tear-stained-cheeks.blogspot.com
is the former
ayamichi14.blogspot.com

[03.07.09]
I chose this layout since I can't "fix" the codes on the other one. I simply couldn't find out what's wrong with it (the text of the entries cannot be seen). I love this current layout. It gives me that artistic feel and sort of brooding. I thought it's perfect because my entries here are, for the most part, pretty depressing. Being heart-broken makes you poetic. I wanted to read my entries again to see how much I've grown. Getting hurt is part of life. (I think through the years of suffering, I've finally become more mature.) Being stronger afterwards is what matters afterall. =)

Designed By: velvet-sky
Scan from: I
Brushes from: I & II

host x
scripts x x
tagboard x
other images hosted by x x x x

creative commons license attribution-noncommercial-noderivs 2.5 license

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.

"Memory determines our existence, waiting keeps us alive."

one last thing..
A moment of temporary insanity.

I love this gif. XD